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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

364 replies

SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 17:28

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

OP posts:
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SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 21:54

SD1978 · 30/04/2025 21:47

The spikes won’t affect your children- and your cat will probably ignore them. If the change in relationship came at the same time as the cat, then it’s most likely related. Can you out some measures into place to stop the cat from leaving your garden? These kind of issues remind me how lucky I am to live in an area that cats are barred from leaving their own gardens or there is a massive fine.

her change to me started about 10 months after I got the cat. At first she was friendly to him and us. It was literally an overnight change towards us.

I don’t mind the spikes themselves, I wish she had spoken to me before now though so I could’ve resolved it myself without worsening our relationship. I’m looking into getting him a catio so he leaves her alone.

OP posts:
rosemarble · 30/04/2025 21:54

Cats just pick their way through the spikes.

Itsjustsodepressing · 30/04/2025 21:54

I think it's a nice gesture you sending her a card and apologising if the cat has upset her.
But I really hope you don't go down the route of keeping puss inside. It's not fair on the cat especially if he has been used to life outdoors.
You actually don't even know for certain if the cat is actually what she is upset about. There could be many other reasons.

SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 21:54

Shitmonger · 30/04/2025 21:13

@SunnyLuny Is this outdoor cat of yours neutered?

yes

OP posts:
SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 21:56

MolkosTeenageAngst · 30/04/2025 21:45

If you are serious about cat proofing and willing to put some money towards it then I recommend looking into protectapet.

protectapet.com/pages/cat-fence?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlMfABhCWARIsADGXdy-Qiw39imoG2RWCD-6GHqrlAz8DyMNbXA1GfOp_-PaNn5Es0uAX7CMaAiSzEALw_wcB

I’ve seen that! Looking into getting that installed or a catio

OP posts:
Manxexile · 30/04/2025 21:56

SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 17:43

Alright fair enough, personally I would have warned my neighbour before putting SPIKES onto a shared fence but clearly I’m in the minority 🤷🏼‍♀️

Why don't you do the "good neighbourly" thing and tell her you will clean the cat shit out of her garden?

Agapornis · 30/04/2025 21:58

Hopefully she'll respond to your card. You could offer to buy her a water pistol or super soaker (or garden hose) - I love my cats but a spray of a water is the most effective way to teach them not to do something, accompanied with 'no!'.

Suddenly blanking you like this for years after an initial friendly relationship is weird, regardless of her reasons.

SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 22:00

Itsjustsodepressing · 30/04/2025 21:54

I think it's a nice gesture you sending her a card and apologising if the cat has upset her.
But I really hope you don't go down the route of keeping puss inside. It's not fair on the cat especially if he has been used to life outdoors.
You actually don't even know for certain if the cat is actually what she is upset about. There could be many other reasons.

I’m looking into getting a catio or something similar. I’d only keep him inside as a last resort :)

OP posts:
tillyandmilly · 30/04/2025 22:08

God there’s a lot of cat haters on here!

Kilroyonly · 30/04/2025 22:15

Manxexile · 30/04/2025 21:56

Why don't you do the "good neighbourly" thing and tell her you will clean the cat shit out of her garden?

Because there’s no way of knowing what cat did it. If a cat is all people have to worry about then they are lucky. Honestly the over reaction to a bit of cat poo is unbelievable. Foxes regularly crap on my garden & neighbour feeds them but I wouldn’t ever complain about it as in the scheme of things it isn’t a big deal

Bananagirlc · 30/04/2025 22:17

tillyandmilly · 30/04/2025 22:08

God there’s a lot of cat haters on here!

I know so weird. With gardens destroyed by cats and full of poo, people can’t go outside anymore or they will drown in 💩 or the cats come into their houses and sleep in their beds (another word thread). I have never come across this in real life ever. I actually feel a bit worried about my kitties now seeing so many cat haters out in force. Mine come in to use their litter tray and are scared of birds.

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:23

Wowsers some of these responses are batshit. I thought the crazies only came out in dog threads!

Did you consult her before purchasing a cat and allowing it to roam and poo in her garden?

Who consults a neighbour when they buy a cat or dog?

Lilactimes · 30/04/2025 22:26

You’re getting a lot of hostility @SunnyLuny and I don’t really understand why. It’s not unlawful to keep a cat and your neighbour is behaving very strangely and you’re willing to discuss cat proofing her garden with her 🤷‍♀️

if you dig over a flower bed and make the soil very easy and light to dig (maybe add a small bag of top soil to it ) plus also have a litter tray inside, you may find your cat will go in one of these options and not leave your garden to mess. This may help, Hope you manage to resolve x

ChocolateCinderToffee · 30/04/2025 22:26

My neighbour used to have a cat but after it died put spikes on our shared fence. In fact, hell would freeze over before my cat would jump over a six foot fence so she’s wasting her time.

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:27

Not everyone likes cats

Really? I can't tell from this thread

HopefulBeliever · 30/04/2025 22:27

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 30/04/2025 17:40

I absolutely and utterly DETEST cats shitting in my garden. I understand there is nothing I can do about it. I understand i have to "let them"......but fuck me it really really annoys me

The arrogance. The entitled ness.

If i had the energy I'd put spikes on my fence too

Go neighbour, go!

Totally and utterly agree. Next door’s cat is an arse and does its business everywhere apart from its own backyards and purposefully winds the neighbourhood dogs up.

Inthebleakmidwinter1 · 30/04/2025 22:28

Your cat is shitting all over her garden. On her grass and in her flowerbeds. She can no longer walk around her garden without looking at her feet and cannot dig her garden without thick gloves and occasionally stumbles in a very stinky bomb that she missed on her regular cat shit pick. The birds that used to nest in her garden have given up. She knows this is totally socially acceptable to everyone else and is doing her best to contain her rage at the unfairness of it and the intractability of the situation.

Foreheadthing · 30/04/2025 22:28

OP this is so bizarre. It sounds like you've been good friendly neighbours, and even while you first had the cat this continued for 10 whole months. What I'm wondering is, why did the cat suddenly become an issue overnight, if that was the issue? And tbh I do think it's bizarre at best, but the woman has been downright rude and blanked you for seemingly no reason whatsoever, with no communication and won't even engage with you? Sorry but that's ridiculously extreme! I'd expect a friendly neighbour who was close enough to help you with the kitten initially, to at least be able to communicate an issue before completely cutting you off. "Oh I think your cat has been pooing in my garden... It is becoming a bit of a problem".

I totally get that some people just avoid, and can't face any kind of confrontation or conversation about difficult things... and yes it may well be the cat. But it's very sad she couldn't just say, and honestly I'd be more worried the woman has had some kind of stroke, or is starting with dementia or something!

Anyway that's just my 2 pence. I'm surprised so many people are batting off the lady's behaviour as totally normal. For me, it's not! Normal people would have a quiet word, or put cat proofing measures in yes, but completely ignore you and pretend you don't exist? Sorry that's not normal to me!

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:29

@Bananagirlc @tillyandmilly these threads are not representative of real life, thankfully.

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:31

Your cat is shitting all over her garden. On her grass and in her flowerbeds. She can no longer walk around her garden without looking at her feet and cannot dig her garden without thick gloves and occasionally stumbles in a very stinky bomb that she missed on her regular cat shit pick. The birds that used to nest in her garden have given up. She knows this is totally socially acceptable to everyone else and is doing her best to contain her rage at the unfairness of it and the intractability of the situation.

Did you live next door to a giant cat or something? How much shit did it produce. My neighbours have cats but it's the fox poo I need to look out for. Don't worry, still plenty of birds & i've never stumbled over shit.

Foreheadthing · 30/04/2025 22:31

I also agree that I wouldn't be putting cat proofing measures in place if you don't actually know for sure that's the reason. Maybe she's gone mad and thinks you're some kind of murderer, and is trying to keep on the low down and the spikes are for protection from you climbing over to get her in the middle of the night! 😂

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:32

How do people here cope with fox shit and bird shit?

mackawhack · 30/04/2025 22:33

@SunnyLuny in all seriousness her behaviour isn't normal. I would worry about dementia as opposed to here having PTSD from drowning in shit.

Shitmonger · 30/04/2025 22:33

SunnyLuny · 30/04/2025 21:54

yes

Have you ever seen him spray? If they’re neutered early enough they often don’t but you mentioned that she got funny when you’d had him for around 10 months. Assuming he was a few months old when you got him, that would be around the time he’d start spraying.

Unrelated38 · 30/04/2025 22:33

All this "she can put spikes up if she wants." She actually can't. Not without putting warning signs on the fence and only if it's over 2m.

Nonetheless. Being so rude and hiding away is wierd. She's taken a personal issue with you for getting a cat and I don't think that's justified.