AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

[SunnyLuny]

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

…so what happened? Does your cat still get beaten up..?

Whilst I do really appreciate her defence of me - don’t worry I didn’t mind your comment 😊I know I tend to be unobservant which is why I appreciate being pointed out different ways of looking at the situation

I’ve actually slightly oversimplified the story - the cat from two doors down was the bully, but was coming over my NDN’s fence. NDN’s cat visited my garden too but wasn’t a problem, which was why NDNs didn’t want the spikes. Bully cat’s owners were disinterested in the problem, so I started turning the hose on it, which helped a bit, and then they moved away.

I'm afraid that the typo where you accidently said you wouldn't do anything about the cat effectively destroyed this thread - now you don't know who formed their opinion based on that and who read the clarification.

(On top of those posters who didn't read more than the very first post)

My neighbour ran over and shouted at ME when he saw his cat jump through my lounge window. I was flabbergasted and didn't say anything back. He said I was encouraging it by having windows open. Twat.

Bloody hell some of these responses. If you didn’t have a cat then another cat would happily take its place as the garden crapper. Surprisingly you can’t have a conversation with a cat and ask it not to shit in Brenda’s garden.

My DM has always had cats trying to do their business in her garden and as a result she has employed HUMANE measures to deter them. Things like orange peel, wire over the top of vegetable patches / flower beds etc. Absolutely no need for spikes. Absolutely not.

If you really want to try and build bridges I’d suggest writing her a short, polite note and posting it through her letterbox asking if everything is ok, why has she puts the spikes up and to pop by if she’d like a chat about it. The ball is then firmly in her court.

These cat haters are WILD

I can totally understand where your neighbour is coming from.

Our neighbours got a cat a few years ago too. It is an absolute menace. Using our garden as a toilet and it killed so many birds in our garden that I had to take our bird feeders down as frankly at that point I was luring them to their deaths!

But the vast, vast majority of cat owners will say "cats have a right to roam" and so there's little point saying anything. Because they are right even though it is annoying as hell. I too have chosen to keep the peace and just quietly cat proof the garden rather than potentially getting into a disagreement with the neighbours. I just don't want the confrontation and realistically, no cat owner is going to suddenly force their cat to be an indoor pet.

You are upset that she didn't consult you, but you didn't consult her when you got an antisocial pet.

This whole scenario is peak cat owner. Of course you know your pet is shitting in her garden 🙄 You decided to buy a pet that you know will enter other people's property, shit everywhere and scare off all the wildlife. Maybe even leave the remains of dead birds everywhere if she's lucky, like my neighbour's cat does in our garden. Fair enough, that's (unfortunately) your right. But to then react with indignation and accuse her of rudeness for being pissed off about it and taking measures to reduce the impact of your pet on her enjoyment of her own home is wildly lacking in self awareness.

If you're going to do anything about this, it should be to leave an apology note on her doorstep with a bottle of wine, expressing how sorry you are that it appears your pet is causing her problems in her own home, and offering to reimburse her for the spikes. Or better yet, have a look online at what they would have cost and post that amount of cash through the door with the note.

I’m obviously oblivious to these demon cats. Both my neighbours have a cat. Sometimes I see them stroll across my garden, sometimes I’m out there doing some planting and digging, but can’t say I’ve actually noticed cat poo. Maybe I just mistake the poo for lumpy soil (my eyesight is pretty crap…), but I can say with all honesty that cats don’t bother me at all. I know lots of people who have cats and don’t get drama from neighbours. Bizarre….

Some of these responses are absolutely bonkers. Sorry you’re getting it in the neck, OP.

Your neighbour has chosen to air her grievance in an incredibly passive aggressive and emotionally immature way. You’ll be the bigger person if you knock on her door and politely ask what’s upset her. Surely that’s all there is to it?

It’s kind of you to offer to cat proof your garden, and probably safest option for kitty too. From cars, unruly dogs AND cat-hating neighbours.

But let’s be honest here….would you have thought your neighbours were bonkers if they knocked on your door asking for permission to get a cat?

Personally I'd be thrilled to get extra security measures on my property for free, but then I live in Johannesburg 😂

It's odd that she hasn't been able to speak to you about it like an adult and has rather opted to ignore you all. Yes, it's probably the cat that has upset her, but I'd want to at least speak to her and find out, before forking out to cat-proof my garden.

Do you find the millions of birds, amphibians and small mammals killed by non-native domesticated cats "sad" as well? Or someone having to pick cat shit out of their flower beds "sad"?

@TheHerboriste
I understand the argument about small native mammals being killed by domestic cats. One way to prevent this to some degree is cats having bells on their collars. Regard the fact that cats dedicate that is in my view an act of nature and as cats are not like dogs then it's just the same as sea gulls, pigeon, squirrels etc dedicating. I think there is a difference between using natural methods to installing spikes on fences. Sadly some people do go further with their actions regarding cats.

Isn't that the whole point being made? That the neighbour is no more obligated to ask for permission to install the spikes than OP was to ask for permission to get the cat in the first place. And that unless she sought permission for the cat, she's a hypocrite for expecting her neighbour to seek permission for the spikes.

Of course you’re not being unreasonable to have a friendly chat.

Give her a knock and say you’ve noticed she doesn’t seem to want to chat. Ask if everything’s OK. And you hope you haven’t offended her in any way. Ask about the spikes. Listen to her concerns openly and kindly. Show you want to be a considerate and friendly neighbour.

The best way to get along with neighbours is to talk openly about concerns and try to get along. But so many people don’t like to say anything and become passive aggressive or hold resentment.

I hope you get it sorted.

They could cat proof their garden and keep all the shit in their own garden.

be glad you’re not my neighbour, I chuck cat poo back over the fence ! (but the garden is unused 😊)

OP you are getting a really hard time and I’m not sure why. Half the country has cats and they roam where they like. It’s life. I’ve ways had cats and no one has ever complained or put up spikes. Your neighbour sounds deranged.

This!

But that’s not the point here. Asking a neighbour for permission to purchase a cat is not the same as someone not seeking permission to put spikes on a shared fence. If the fence belongs to the neighbour, fair enough, but OP has suggested it’s shared.

Maybe just accept that your neighbour doesn't want to reconcile? Nothing says you have to be best friends.
Also if they are a keen gardener then I'm assuming the spikes are to deter all neighbour cats and foxes from going in her garden....you keeping your cat confined might not change her mind at all.

(Also I'm going to assume that the spikes are those little plastic strips that cats find uncomfortable to walk on and not some kind of medieval torture device!).

It can be really uncomfortable, but many people eventually say something and do not play hide and seek. Even if they don't say anything about what's really bothering them, they still say hello and are polite to someone's face.

This woman is literally running away from OP and no longer says hello.

Well I would be fuming if my neighbour did this, but luckily they are not crazy. My cats use their litter tray, so if my neighbours chucked poo over to me, it would not be from my cats. Do you have CcTv? Reading this thread makes me treasure my chilled neighbours.