AIBU to be annoyed neighbour put spikes on the fence?

[SunnyLuny]

We’ve lived in this house for nearly 5 years. At first neighbour was very welcoming and friendly. She’s an older lady (late 60s?) who lives on her own. She used to be lovely to our children. The past 3 years though shes just completely changed. She stopped talking to us, actively avoids us and blanks us. If we smile and say hello when we see her she looks down and pretends we aren’t speaking to her. It’s so bizarre. The only thing that has changed is we got a cat. He is an outdoor cat and admittedly probably does go into her garden.

Today she’s been hammering spikes into the fence! No warning or conversation. Infact whenever we go outside she runs into her greenhouse to hide until we go back in! I think this is so passive aggressive and I’m actually upset that she seems to think she can’t even approach us. We’ve always been friendly. She’s never spoken to us about the cat bothering her. I probably wouldn’t be bothered about the spikes if she had told us beforehand or said she had an issue with the cat. DP thinks I should go speak to her and just ask what’s going on but my parents think I should just ignore it. Aibu if I say something?

But it’s nature. Like any animal who preys on a smaller animal, it’s generally a survival instinct. I find it far more depressing the harm human beings do every day to animals or other humans. Which isn’t survival but for fun or because they’re evil. And I know some cats do kill for kicks, but would say that’s very much a minority.

Nothing wrong? Acting like a sulky teenager when you are a grown adult rather than talking through things, is doing something wrong.

Furthermore, even if OP never had gotten a cat, every neighborhood has cats. So only putting on spikes now that one lives next door is being very dramatic indeed. Cats have already been getting into her garden since before she was living there, yet she never felt the need to to try to keep them out. it's only OP's cat she is having a problem with.

This sounds like a great idea, if it works. I will look into it, if it means I can let my toddler son play in the garden without checking for cat shit every time. I don't feel any need to go to the various cat owners houses on our street and asking them to stop their cats shitting in my garden as I know they can't do that, and they didn't care about getting an anti social pet in the first place anyway, but were happy to let it go and shit in the neighbours gardens.

You didn't think to warn her that you were getting a cat that would encroach on her property, but are concerned about a shared fence. The spikes won't cause you any difficulty personally, but your cat will certainly cause her alot of bother. Often much more than just using the gsrden as a toilet which is bad enough.
My neighbour's cats come into our home through open windows. They persist even though they do not get a warm welcome. I am now unable to leave windows open in rooms unless someone is there. This is a massive inconvenience. One of them lies in the sun on our doorstep and hisses at us when we knock the window to scare it away before we try to exit our home. I detest cats yet there is nothing I can do about this.

Cat proof your garden. Your cat will be safe and your neighbour won’t be annoyed. Make sure you have a cat flap so your cat can be indoors when it wishes.

After reading your later posts, she does sound rather odd, yes. It is amazing how conflict-shy some people can be. But I wouldn't let it get you down. She has taken steps that she wants, and if she had spoken to you the result would probably have been the same. You have tried to speak to her, there isn't anything else you can do. I would just shrug my shoulder if I were you and leave her to it.

@SunnyLuny

when you say the only thing that's changed, you mean the only thing that has changed from your perspective.

It may not apply but given what you say about her age and living alone, she may have had a significant bereavement - parents, siblings, close friend - affecting her behaviour.

I only say this because I am in that boat and I feel like I have become a different person. I want to avoid everyone.

Could be a straw in the wind but just something to consider.

@SunnyLuny Is this outdoor cat of yours neutered?

Look at it from her perspective. She is an elderly woman living alone. Some older people were particularly affected by the pandemic just as a generation of young kids were. That is roughly when she started to become less friendly in your eyes.

If you are worried about a neighbour you have a husband to talk to and back you up. She doesn’t and that might create a level of worrying that would prevent her from discussing issues with you.

As someone who suffered from a cat pooing in my garden and my child not able to use the garden without being covered in cat poo
,.my husband every time he mowed the lawn has cat poo thrown up everywhere.. please keep your pet in your garden. Yabu. Your pet is her pest! Cats do not bury their poo despite what people think and it's not fox poo as I've seen the poo come out of my neighbour s cat bottom. So glad we moved away now. Awful awful experience.

I put small plastic spikes on my fence (mainly as some sort of security). I asked the council beforehand, and they said it’s fine (my email was forwarded to their highways dept and that department confirmed it was fine). I remember them saying that it’s large spikes that are tilted towards the pavement that are the problem. Perhaps the neighbour consulted the council too. As to why people sometimes become withdrawn - could be a myriad of reasons. The cat could be just one of the several reasons. Things can be happening in her family. Some trauma might have occured. Our brain chemistry can change, we can become paranoid or depressed, especially if we are genetically predisposed, but not only then - it can happen to all of us.

However bad you think your cat is, I guarantee it’s worse. Neighbours have 3 cats and our garden basically can’t be used. They got into our greenhouse through a small hole we didn’t know was there, used it as a litter tray, all the plants destroyed. Dug up our veg patch (also a litter tray) and all our veg for the year, gone. Destroyed 2 fences with scratching. Poo everywhere so children can’t play outside without me poo-scooping first. Most recently one got into our house (hot so windows open) and it urinated all over our bedroom: windowsills, bed, floor, bedside lampshades. Hundreds of pounds worth of damage on top of the hundreds we’ve spent securing our garden (with mixed success). Until this experience I loved cats but I haven’t owned one and most I’d come across used a litter tray. We did have a few cats before but it was nothing more than a bit annnoying until they arrived. I’ve known mice do less damage, and at least you can trap them. Cats have more rights than dog, there’s literally nothing we can do except pray they move. But as it stands we’re thinking of putting our house on the market.

Regardless of who owns the fence it’s designed as a barrier, so u don’t see the problem. Your cat gets in her garden, she’s made sure the fence is fit for purpose.

if anyone has any recommendations for cat proofing I’m all ears. I’ll keep him indoors if I have to but I’d rather see if other measures work first. As I’ve said 100 times I am completely fine with cat proofing. I’m even fine with the spikes. Everyone has jumped down my throat without noticing I said I am fine with the spikes, I just wish she told me he was causing problems so I could’ve had the opportunity to fix it myself. I’m not fine with being ignored, my son being afraid of her because she blanks him, her running inside every time I go in my own garden. There’s clearly an issue here and I don’t think I’m insane for wanting a conversation about it. I’m not asking to be friends, just to exist peacefully next to each other. I accept my cat has clearly upset her, I’ve never once denied that! My post was asking if I’m reasonable to talk to her to try and create some peace between us. You don’t all need to come and call me names for not knowing about an issue I’ve not been told about. Since my cat shits in his litter tray, I assumed he was only doing it there.

for those that have disagreed with me kindly, thank you! I appreciate the differing views. I think some people have taken it too far and are acting like I’ve personally taken a shit in their own flower bed.

I’ve written her a nice card apologising for causing her issues. I’m going to find ways to keep him away from her garden, and hopefully we can find a way to reconcile.

This is what you need or rollers to keep your cat in.

Our next door neighbour’s cat was a destructive little bastard, it punctured the rim of our inflatable pool, slept at night on our garden furniture leaving it covered in hair, sharpened its claws on anything it fancied, sprawled in our garden beds crushing the plants, chased and killed our visiting bird life, and shat in random places in the middle of our lawn where we picked it up on our lawnmower blade. However much you may love your cat, it might be making her really miserable.

Another person who hasn’t actually read my post. I don’t mind her putting up deterrents. I accept my cat has clearly caused her issues since she’s resorted to this. I’m asking if I’m unreasonable to talk it through with her and try figure out what I can do to help the situation, rather than her ignoring me and running away.

Tell her anti vandal paint is more effective. Cats hate it, as do cat owners.

I’ve written her a card to apologise 😊

What does it do? Cover their paws in paint? Does it actually deter them or do they ignore it and carry on? I’ll look into getting it myself

Please don’t get anti vandal paint. It is not very effective and potentially quite dangerous for the cat.

That’s a nice approach OP, I hope it goes well for you.

Just a tip, our (necessarily) indoor cat had a covered litter tray which was kept clean at all times. We used puppy pads to line it and clumping litter to a good depth, with a scented sprinkle for good measure. Clumps were picked out and double bagged as soon as the cat had finished.

Cats will learn to use a clean litter tray. You might need to keep it in for a few days, see what its habits are and let it out once business has been done. Good luck!

If you are serious about cat proofing and willing to put some money towards it then I recommend looking into protectapet.

protectapet.com/pages/cat-fence?gad_source=1&gclid=Cj0KCQjwlMfABhCWARIsADGXdy-Qiw39imoG2RWCD-6GHqrlAz8DyMNbXA1GfOp_-PaNn5Es0uAX7CMaAiSzEALw_wcB

I’m a cat lover and have had cats all my life, but I completely understand that my neighbours don’t necessarily appreciate my cat sitting on their windowsill and staring at their new baby, or crapping on thwir flowerbeds. I wouldn’t mind in the slightest if they chose to put some spikes on the fence to keep him out because it’s their fence - I would feel differently if I owned the fence and would not be happy with anyone tampering with it. I’ve always made it clear to my neighbours that if they find my cat is being a nuisance they are welcome to chase him away. He came home a couple of days ago soaking wet and I assume that someone must have soaked him with their hose to get rid of him, and I’ve got no objection to that .

I'm a cat owner but would suggest a motion sensor sprinkler , they'll soon learn and no harm caused , they do sound like particularly destructive cats

The spikes won’t affect your children- and your cat will probably ignore them. If the change in relationship came at the same time as the cat, then it’s most likely related. Can you out some measures into place to stop the cat from leaving your garden? These kind of issues remind me how lucky I am to live in an area that cats are barred from leaving their own gardens or there is a massive fine.