Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Oh give over. Please don't waste the school's time with this. They don't have some sort of investigative remit whereby they get involved with every comment every teacher makes to another adult on a night out.

Yeah, what would have been a satisfactory result to your complaint?

Get over yourself.

It is inapproproate and not nice.

I actually work in a school at the moment.

I cant imagine ever saying to a male parent "i wanted to shag you at the parents meeting".

Its inappropriate and you just dont say things like that!

Why will the people she tell care?

Women don't say things like that, you are correct

@turningpoints for sure call a person's behaviour into question. If you feel threatened or uncomfortable in a bar, let the bar staff know. Make a complaint there and then. If you genuinely think someone is sexually harassing you, call 111. However, if you are offended by a 'pervy' comment a person makes, should you start tracking down their employer and reporting them? I ask again what you want the employer to do with your uncorroborated report and how you want them to respond to you?

Seriously @Mumofoneandone the school governors? This is an entirely uncorroborated report about an individual outside of school time. If the OP had reported it at the time to bar staff or to the police, then there would be an actual complaint of substance to report to the school, but there isn't. There is her word against his on a night out in a pub! What on earth can any employer reasonably and legally do with this information?

Plenty of people are agreeing his comment was sleazy

But warning the OP about very real legal consequences to her actions is also important

@SophEll I'm more amazed that you'd like to end someone's career over a sleazy remark on a night out.
He's an idiot when drunk but it doesn't mean he isn't a good teacher.

Wow I can't believe you have said that. He said one comment and he didn't harass you. Women are sexually harassed daily don't belittle the meaning of it.

Thank you - clearly there are plenty of people on here who have (luckily for them) never had to face such an awful experience.

He made a drunken pass at a bar. He didn’t force himself on the OP, he didn’t continue to be a pest. ill advised, yes. but true sexual harassment, I don’t personally think so. It didn’t happen at the school and no evidence he’s not professional at work.

he's probably hugely embarrassed so honestly not sure what you want the school to do.

Well when i was in primary school, if a male teacher told one of the mothers that he wanted to bend her over the desk at parents evening, it definitely would have been news in our town, everyone would tell everyone else, and he would be looked at as a creep.

Are all the posters on this thread men? YANBU OP. He admitted that during a parents evening, surrounded by young children, where he was meant to be working and updating parents on their children's educational progress he was instead fantasising about shagging their mums.
And yes in many professions, behaviour outside of work can get you in serious trouble. Be glad your child is no longer his pupil. I suspect if that was the case the school may have reacted differently, or are they saying they're ok with their teachers making sexual comments to parents?

Flogging in the town square with a cat o' nine tails and then wearing a sweatshirt with 'I am a sexist tw*t' printed on the back in his own blood for a month.

Yep. It would help if people read the detail of my OP - it wasn’t some random perve, but someone who held a position of trust and used that to make a unwarranted sexual remark to me.

I honestly think it's the opposite. And that plenty of people here have experienced this a lot. Of course that doesn't mean that it's okay. Just that the majority of us tell the sleazy bloke to fuck off and then don't give it any more thought.

@SophEll so if it was such an awful experience did you report it to the bar staff?

But the school don't want to know about it which is why op is on here.

But if you got absolutely off your face drunk with your mates on a night out and you see a hot a dad from your school who you hadn’t seen for maybe 5 years, is it not conceivable that you might, in your drunken misplaced bravado haze, think to go up and say ‘cor I used to fancy you’

the next morning when hungover and a bit more lucid you wake up utterly mortified! You are normally super professional but your mate Claire insisted you had the extra tequila shots for her 30th.

and then you face a disciplinary? Really?

I have and I wouldn't ruin a person's career over it because it's not a big deal it's a comment that's it. The difference between me and you is that I have the emotional intelligence to move on.

No it’s not. What do you want to happen? Him get sacked?

Sounds like you have never had to face an awful experience either tbf