Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

I can't believe OP is doubling down on her righteousness. This is why I want my DP to leave teaching – entitled, spiteful parents making vexatious complaints have made it such a risky profession to be in.

He did not bump into a work contact. He bumped into the parent of an ex pupil. He and this parent are adults in a social situation. This teacher has not broken any professional teaching code, believe me.

He told a work contact, unbidden, that he fantasised about having sex with her in his workplace.

I’m not getting it. Explain to me like I’m five why it’s fine for a teacher, but not for, say, a lawyer or banker.

"He told a work contact"

How is she a work contact? Explain it to me like I'm five?

So a lawyer or a banker, a few years after meeting someone professionally, but with absolutely no professional current connection bumps into them in a nightclub.
They make a sleazy remark, get batted off, end of story. Would that lawyer or banker lose their job?.

What you're doing is truly, truly awful. You say you're just going after the school for it's failure to investigate properly but you know damn well you are blowing up this teacher's life. For a stupid, drunken 10-second comment in a bar on a night out.

I am embarrassed for you.

because her child has left the school - she is not going to be a client or customer ever again. That's why it is different.

He knows her only because of his work and only in a professional capacity. They, as far as we are told, only ever interacted when he was working and for the purpose of his work.

We aren’t going to agree on this because I can’t think of any reasonable definition of a work contact that would exclude this type of relationship. If you can, please tell me.

They are not a bloody work contact- she is a random mum of an ex pupil of the school…

Your mansplaining is getting pretty tedious now.

What part of the Teaching Standards has he broken? In what way should he be disciplined?

Agreed, it's so tedious. Next they'll be saying the kids they teach are clients. 🙄

Struggling to see the point of this Aibu. Nearly 2500 votes, 90% vote yes, yabu and ops response is to carry on regardless. Pointless thread now.

So you'd be fine if your DH said this type of thing to a parent then, past or present? You would blame her for feeling insulted, not your DH?

Yeah I agree with this. We can’t just report all nob heads to their employers for being nob heads, as satisfying as that would be it would be too much of a drain on the economy. The volume of workload from processing nob head reports would dwarf all other enterprise. There would be time for little else, especially in politics.

That said, if they do bring in legislation to enable this I would be keen to petition that all complaints be submitted in medieval Shakespearean prose, preferably delivered in both writing (ink and quill) and loudly announced via a dedicated team of town criers with use of bells, thusly:

’Thou Sir, are a Bawdy, Bat-fowling Baggage!

Thou art Shamed for thy most odious scandalous and foulsome turdious speech. Thou Sir art a NOBHEAD of the Highest Order!’

(Rings bell 7 times, with optional pelting of rotten tomatoes).

"He knows her only because of his work and only in a professional capacity. They, as far as we are told, only ever interacted when he was working and for the purpose of his work"

Not true. They interacted in a bar outside of work. He has never "worked" with her in any professional capacity. His "work contact" was the ex pupil.

School does not forbid parental relationship for financial reasons but because it can impact the pupil. The pupils and all siblings have left the school.

Lawyers and bankers have ongoing relationships, accounts, possibilities of future business etc. That is not the case here.

That’s the point of my originally post. In the circumstances described by the OP that would be a disciplinary offence, because of bringing into disrepute.

“Meeting someone professionally”, here, means they had a professional relationship over at least several years. This isn’t someone they bumped into once at a networking do, which I think would be treated more leniently (but words would probably still be had if she complained).

You might think it’s wrong that my industry would behave like that, but that’s a different question.

Oh my god I’m embarrassed for you. 90% of people think you are being a complete tit and here you are, going on anyway. You sound like a jumped up idiot. Good luck in wrecking your life if you go public with this ridiculous campaign.

The teacher didn't say it to a present parent, so that's irrelevant for a start.

I wouldn't be fine with my DH doing this because I wouldn't want to be married to someone who hits on other women. I wouldn't blame the woman for feeling insulted either although let's all be honest, if he was very attractive this thread wouldn't exist. But should my DH or any other teacher forfeit the right to work in a classroom over an irresponsible and inappropriate remark made while drunken in a bar? Absolutely not. It has NOTHING to do with an ability to teach.

I don't know anything about your industry. However, I know a great deal about teaching. What he did was unpleasant, horrible, misjudged, rude, whatever, but he has not broken the Teaching Standards, and the TRA would have very little to go on.
The parent of an ex pupil is not a "client" because we never use that terminology.

In this scenario, I'd be divorcing someone who was out trying to hook up with other women behind my back, but I wouldn't report it to his employer.

No idea. I’m not a teacher. My post was to say that analogous behaviour in my industry would be a disciplinary offence (because of employment terms primarily), and I can’t see the relevant difference with teaching in terms of whether OP is reasonable to complain.

Well I can see that argument as being stronger than the parent being a client.

"(because of employment terms primarily), and I can’t see the relevant difference with teaching in terms of whether OP is reasonable to complain."

Perhaps because the aforementioned employments terms differ.....

Because he's not done this to a pupil.

You don’t sound mentally well. He’s a bloke who got drunk and made a sleazy comment. Why on earth did you feel the need to report him to his school ? You can’t police something like this.