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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

1000 replies

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:43

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
whatdoidonowffs · 30/04/2025 19:42

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:32

Which bit do you disagree with? That this would be a disciplinary offence to say to a client, in a non-teaching context? Or that she doesn’t seem to have encouraged it? Or that it’s a pretty threatening thing to say unbidden to someone?

She is not a client she’s an ex mum who has nothing to do with the school anymore who was (sleazily I get ) tactlessly chatted up in a bar by a pissed man
he was told she was not interested end of story
he hasn’t kept on and harassed her with more unwanted approaches
he hasn’t threatened her he’s just got on with being a pissed up dick
as far as I’m aware that’s not against the law

turningpoints · 30/04/2025 19:43

It's not about what the school can or can't do. The OP has done the right thing to report him. It was HIM who brought the school context in. If he has said some random sleaze, and not related it to what he thinks during parents evenings, that would be different.

For all people know on here, he could have a whole history of inappropriate behaviour. That's why it's good to report him. It builds up a picture. Next time he might grope a woman, if he hasn't already. Why wouldn't he? If he's entitled enough to say what he did, he clearly has no respect or boundaries.

The type of man who would say something like that is exactly the type to approach an 18 year-old or a girl who might pass for that. Why wouldn't he. A sleaze is a sleaze is a sleaze. They get off on making women feel uncomfortable.

QuaintShaker · 30/04/2025 19:44

Saladleaves17 · 30/04/2025 19:42

Harassment is any unwelcome conduct that violates someone's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment

I would say she is well on the way to violating someone’s dignity and also creating a humiliating environment for this man.

Shes trying to paint him as some kind of sexual predator who is somehow a danger to children because he made an inappropriate comment towards her and is trying to get him sacked. I would say if it persists he could end up feeling quite humiliated in his workplace and/or in the local community if she has gone around telling all and sundry about it (which seems likely considering she’s been so offended and still reeling after several weeks).

This isn't close to constituting harassment on behalf of the OP, even if she's misguided.

grapesandmelon · 30/04/2025 19:44

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:37

Yes, I think you're right. (consults Teaching Standards).

Technically, there's nothing in the teacher's standards about it so....

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 19:46

Enthusiasticcarrotgrower · 30/04/2025 19:40

How is he fucked? School haven’t done anything!

If she continues to dig deep to get him into trouble then she would have accomplished what she wanted.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:46

grapesandmelon · 30/04/2025 19:44

Technically, there's nothing in the teacher's standards about it so....

Thank goodness! I was getting worried about my incident last Thursday, for a minute.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 30/04/2025 19:47

This all seems madly out of proportion. Did it really happen the way the OP says? Or was the shoe on the other foot and he turned her down, and now, furious at having made a fool of herself, the OP is seeking revenge to soothe her damaged ego?

But even that would be fucking insane.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:48

So, OP, you said upthread that you were going to write to your local paper and email the Chair of Governors. You also mentioned Ofsted. Have done any of that, yet?

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:49

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:34

She's not a client.

What’s the important distinction you see? (I explained the key parallels I see in my post).

If the difference is about money, do you think it would be fine from a state school teacher but not a private school one? Or from a policeman or doctor?

If it’s about the fact the child is no longer at the school, you’ll have to take my word for it that in my profession it would make no difference whether I currently had a transaction ongoing with the woman or not, it would be a serious disciplinary to speak to any work contact like that unbidden.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 30/04/2025 19:49

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:48

So, OP, you said upthread that you were going to write to your local paper and email the Chair of Governors. You also mentioned Ofsted. Have done any of that, yet?

Or shall we just go round to his place with pitchforks?

SophEll · 30/04/2025 19:50

Itchyblister · 30/04/2025 18:41

I can 100% guarantee that whatever action the op takes… we will get no update

why? Because there will be nothing to update as nothing remotely will have come of this aside from the op wasting the school’s time

Edited

I will confirm what response I receive - the person I’ve emailed is extremely professional looking at their career endeavours on LinkedIn, so I’m hopeful of a positive response.

OP posts:
Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:50

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 30/04/2025 19:49

Or shall we just go round to his place with pitchforks?

Even better 😁

SonK · 30/04/2025 19:50

Cherrytree86 · 30/04/2025 18:03

@SonK

i would much rather have a man tell me he fantasises about bending me over than telling me he thinks I’m cute tbh

That is your preference and that's okay, can I ask if you would still prefer that if you had just met the man?

Trying to figure out if I am a little unreasonable when it comes to these things lol

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:51

SophEll · 30/04/2025 19:50

I will confirm what response I receive - the person I’ve emailed is extremely professional looking at their career endeavours on LinkedIn, so I’m hopeful of a positive response.

You're having someone check out the teacher on LinkedIn?
Or you've engaged someone to do something about this teacher?

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 19:51

SophEll · 30/04/2025 19:50

I will confirm what response I receive - the person I’ve emailed is extremely professional looking at their career endeavours on LinkedIn, so I’m hopeful of a positive response.

Oh dear god 😂

Walkden · 30/04/2025 19:52

"If the difference is about money"

It isn't though.

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 30/04/2025 19:53

I wonder if this thread will find its way onto the teacher recruitment ads.

'Become a teacher. It's great. Until a fucking mental person ruins your life.'

Edited for typos.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:54

PigglyWigglyOhYeah · 30/04/2025 19:53

I wonder if this thread will find its way onto the teacher recruitment ads.

'Become a teacher. It's great. Until a fucking mental person ruins your life.'

Edited for typos.

Edited

😂😂

YesHonestly · 30/04/2025 19:55

I’ve got second-hand embarrassment for you 😂

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 19:55

This has got to be a wind up

Starlight7080 · 30/04/2025 19:55

This is mental 😆 one stupid comment and you are out to ruin his life

SophEll · 30/04/2025 19:56

Itchyblister · 30/04/2025 18:53

Given how impassioned and determined you are about this OP, I imagine relations between you and your DH are a little
frosty given his stance (stop the drama) on it ?

He has helped me with my email this evening (he has written books before so has excellent writing style) . He doesn’t think it will get me far, but he supports me in whatever I do.

OP posts:
GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:56

whatdoidonowffs · 30/04/2025 19:42

She is not a client she’s an ex mum who has nothing to do with the school anymore who was (sleazily I get ) tactlessly chatted up in a bar by a pissed man
he was told she was not interested end of story
he hasn’t kept on and harassed her with more unwanted approaches
he hasn’t threatened her he’s just got on with being a pissed up dick
as far as I’m aware that’s not against the law

She’s a work contact. The fact that the work is teaching not, say, banking or lawyering isn’t relevant in a way I can see (do explain, if you think it’s the profession that makes a difference). Being in a bar would change things if they’d been getting close and he misjudged. But that’s not the case here. He bumped into a work contact and told her he fantasised about having sex with her in his office.

I’m truly not inventing things when I tell you that would be a serious disciplinary office in my profession.

I understand you think that it’s different for a teacher, but I’m not understanding why.

popdepop · 30/04/2025 19:56

Yeah, the OP has either lost the plot or this is a wind up.. probably someone sitting with popcorn enjoying the reactions..

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 19:57

SophEll · 30/04/2025 19:56

He has helped me with my email this evening (he has written books before so has excellent writing style) . He doesn’t think it will get me far, but he supports me in whatever I do.

He has no choice he knows what you're like.

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