Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

As far as I can see from your replies, you haven’t.

Edited - Apart from that you want them to say they’ll do what you want. But what’s the point? At this point they could just say that to pacify you.

A sexual interest in adult females absolutely DOES NOT say anything at all about sexual interest in teens or minors.

Yes, he sounds a bit sleazy. But his sexual comments were about and too an adult female. He doesn't sound like a sex offender or a danger to children based on his actions or comments that night.

It's a big leap to assume some Pervy guy with a fantasy about a woman and his desk would also be a risk to children, teens or those under 18. If anything he sounds more interested in the older lady.

A lot of posters are emotionally intelligent enough to not take it seriously and would walk away, and forget about it.

"behaviour towards women in general and potentially ex-students or " current students?"

Used to work with a guy who flirted with any woman. Including colleagues. Never with pupils though

By your twisted logic any woman/ mum who slapped a man in a bar should be reported to social services because she could potentially do it to her kids...

I hope she's not a teacher, using the word "panties" on a MN thread. There are teaching standards, you know. Teachers are supposed to be righteous pillars of the community. 🙏

Thanks. I haven't seen her answer on this.

Oh yes god forbid an adult man who just happens to be a teacher fancies sex with an adult woman (and that’s making a huge presumption, he didn’t actually ask her to sleep with him).

I didn’t realise it was in the contract that teachers had to stay celibate if they teach girls….

Some people on this thread are digging way too far into this. It was a comment made by one adult to another in a bar. There is nothing to suggest that this man is now a danger to any student he teaches and the people saying otherwise and egging the OP on to continue her harassment of this man should be careful. She is going to end up with a visit from the police for slander and harassment if it continues which will be much more embarrassing for her than the comment he made about bending her over a desk . She really should take her husbands advice and drop it.

This is how I read it too (as a man). This doesn’t read to me as “all those years later, I wondered what might have happened if we had become intimate” but instead as “this is what I was thinking during our parents evenings”.

I don’t think that changes whether it’s acceptable, but it might explain why there’s such a big contingent saying it is.

But it's not that. It's a man who happens to be a teacher on a night out with his friend in a bar, up for a sexy flirt possibly more, who approaches an attractive women on her own with a friend, who he thinks he might have an in with because she already knows him. He's clearly deluded and read the signs wrong for his crass approach but it's not a sign of any potential issues towards children in his care.

Which bit do you disagree with? That this would be a disciplinary offence to say to a client, in a non-teaching context? Or that she doesn’t seem to have encouraged it? Or that it’s a pretty threatening thing to say unbidden to someone?

Bet OP got the hump because it was the boring history teacher who commented ,but if it had been the fit games teacher she would of been grinning from ear to ear

Where does it say he had these thoughts whilst physically in the school setting? What evidence do you have that he was unprofessional at work and didn’t reserve these thoughts for when he was at home in his own time?

‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’.

I can see why this has divided opinion because he’s treading a very, very fine line here:

• shares, completely unprovoked, a sexual fantasy describing a school setting when he’s a teacher
• shares, completely unprovoked, sexual fantasy that he imagined in the past in the context of a parent-teacher relationship
• shares a sexual fantasy that has overtones of a teacher and pupil dynamic from the past

And yet:

• inappropriate conversation happens once the parent-teacher relationship has ceased
• it’s a conversation between two adults, albeit completely unsought out by one of them

I think he knew exactly what he could get away with.

Whether or not you consider someone's behavior "okay" and whether or not it is criminal, or cause for disciplinary action, are two separate things.

This is all a bit like that recent thread, where you angrily insisted, for several pages, that one parent taking their child to their grandparents' house, for the night, was (legally) kidnapping.

Just because you personally don't like something, doesn't mean it's illegal or otherwise actionable.

Ex student her child is no longer at the school.

She's not a client.

Absolutely, and imagine if the scenario were slightly different and, instead of posting that filth, she'd killed a kid. That would definitely be a safeguarding issue.

He was only trying his luck and he obviously picked the wrong person to say that to because now he's fucked 💪

I think he is unlikely to have been exercising such judgement when visibly drunk.

Yes, I think you're right. (consults Teaching Standards).

If you continue pretty much any behaviour it will at some point become harassment.

But what do you think OP has done so far that would meet the tests?

Causes alarm or distress or a fear of violence, or creates a hostile, degrading or humiliating environment related to a protected characteristic.

Yeah, she's going to pursue this.

Defamation of character

How is he fucked? School haven’t done anything!

Harassment is any unwelcome conduct that violates someone's dignity or creates an intimidating, hostile, degrading, humiliating, or offensive environment

I would say she is well on the way to violating someone’s dignity and also creating a humiliating environment for this man.

Shes trying to paint him as some kind of sexual predator who is somehow a danger to children because he made an inappropriate comment towards her and is trying to get him sacked. I would say if it persists he could end up feeling quite humiliated in his workplace and/or in the local community if she has gone around telling all and sundry about it (which seems likely considering she’s been so offended and still reeling after several weeks).