Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Is it worth me asking this again?....
OP, what do you want to happen to him?

He's not around child and the OP is not around children. These ifs are completely irrelevant because they didn't happen. He made a lewd comment that's not the school's job to sort out, she should have gone to the police if she genuinely thought it was sexual harassment.

She’s not a parent of a child at the school though!!

Her kids don’t even go there anymore

He will not lose his job. But if op continues her behaviour could be construed as harassment.

"and they told you that the whole time they were talking to you about your child, they were actually thinking of bending you over a desk and fucking you"

But that's highly unlikely to be true is it? Op would have noticed if hed started talking gibberish as a result.

He TOLD her he had thought about it .

We don't know he had been thinking this way when he met her at a parents evening, or when he got home , or literally saw her in the club and made it up as a clumsy/sleazy line to gauge get interest..

I actually think her looking him up on Facebook could be construed as stalking tbh. There was no rational need to do it

He was probably pissed when he said

No one is saying that. But surely no one on here is so naive that they don't know that a lot of men and women are in bars to hook up - some casually, some looking for a partner, some single, some not single but still open to a one-night stand.

Strangers don't usually approach and start chatting to other strangers late at night at a bar while drinking because they want to make small talk, or talk about the Arab/Israeli conflict. Particularly straight men.

I'm amazed that any adult woman isn't aware of the intentions of a stranger or even casual acquaintance approaching her in a bar late at night.

Exactly, I thought I was going mad reading all the responses on here. He has basically told the woman that when he was supposed to be talking to her about her child's needs he was instead thinking about her in a sexual way.
Why are women defending this?

Agree

Ok, Teacher A approaches an ex-parent in a bar in order to tell her that when he used to meet her in parents' meetings to discuss her child, he used to fantasise about bending her over the desk and fucking her.

Compared to a Teacher B who has no history of sleazy, disrespectful behaviour, is Teacher A -

a) More likely to be involved in inappropriate behaviour towards women in general and potentially ex-students or current students?

b) Less likely to be prone to the above behaviours?

Hmm, tricky one.

Uk no he didn’t say that at all. Read what he actually said .

Seems like a lot of posters have low standards, or don’t understanding the standards teachers are professionally obliged to uphold. Teachers hold positions of trust and power, not just for pupils but parents too. Sounds like he understands the power element, given the comment he made. If you are the sort of teacher likely to get drunk and say stupid stuff, you need to check yourself or do it far enough from the school you teach in so you don’t risk saying it to a parent. He sounds like an arrogant, sexist twat. All the head teachers I’ve worked with would not like this at all and would want to know to monitor for future incidents.

You said WTF to me

I presume he is going to make a complaint to OPs place of work that one of their employees is harrassing and stalking him and her unhinged behaviour is bring her employer into disrepute. He has a better case that OP tbh.

Who on here has said that?

"Seems like a lot of posters have low standards, or don’t understanding the standards teachers are professionally obliged to uphold. Teachers hold positions of trust and power, not just for pupils but parents too. Sounds like he understands the power element, given the comment he made"

Exactly this!

Not defending it! No one's defending his behaviour! The 90% saying YABU is because of the OPs disproportionate response.

"This is what gets your panties in a twist?"
That's sexual harassment, please provide me with the name of your employer.

You are right literally: I should have phrased more carefully. From the OP this was a case where he recognised who she was, and came out with his comment. i.e. not a case where their relationship had moved from a professional one to a personal or friendship or romantic one. In my view that’s the key point. Because it means the basic issue remains is this an acceptable way to speak to a work contact. I’d say no, even in a bar.

Officially they can’t do anything, but almost certainly they’ve had a word.

How on earth would they monitor him? Would he have to present the SLT with his social schedule? His attendance at weddings, sporting events, going to bars, nightclubs, music venues? What should they do? Put him on report?

No, it’s not a safeguarding issue. You’ve misunderstood what safeguarding is.

Sad times.

Don't date him, don't set him up with a friend, and certainly feel free to gossip to your friends about how gross and sleazy Mr Evans is OUTSIDE of school toward the PARENT in a social / drinking environment... but to tattle tail to his employer?

I despair.

There's nothing quite like a cancel culture vulture, sitting way up high on their horse, is there.

As a Chair and a designated investigating officer, I have to tell you that on the evidence that you have shared on here, I would not take this further and very much doubt a panel reviewing this incident would either. Posters are mentioning bringing the school into disrepute, which is rarely used and usually only by schools of a religious denomination. Whilst the approach may have offended you, it just does not cross the threshold and any complaint would fall fairly early on in the process.