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AIBU?

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Original poster

Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

1000 replies

SophEll · 30/04/2025 13:43

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

OP posts:
howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 19:09

@Silversixpenny why are you making up an outrageous scenario by saying “imagine if he said that to a kid?”
Is everything a teacher does and says to anybody supposed to be suitable for children? Nobody would ever have adult relationships by your logic.

Foostit · 30/04/2025 19:10

Pedallleur · 30/04/2025 19:09

Why not just burn his effigy outside the school?

The way some of these comments are going that will be the next suggestion! 😂

Saladleaves17 · 30/04/2025 19:10

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 18:59

@Saladleaves17

Was the comment a bit sleezy, yes, is this anything to do with him being a teacher…no

Yes. He only knows her because of his employment. He brought the school into his comments. And his behaviour at any time reflects on the school.

If a plumber said that to you, would it matter whether he said it before or after you had paid his bill (current client or former client)? I can’t see how it makes a material difference.

Well clearly the school doesn’t think so otherwise she wouldn’t be on Mumsnet bitching about the situation.

If it’s that bad, why doesn’t she report it to the police instead of persistently harassing his employer and stalking his social media?. The comment was inappropriate, he didn’t persist when she made it clear she wasn’t interested. Yes he works for a school, but his comments were in relation to her as an adult, not in relation to a child. He doesn’t teach her children anymore and she has no affiliation with the school. She will probably never see this man again.

As I’ve already said, the comment was inappropriate and a bit sleezy, and if he continued to try it on after that, then yes it would need to be reported, but not to his employer, the police. I don’t see how this has bought the schools reputation into question when this lady isn’t even a parent. At this point they are two strangers who spoke once in the past at a parents evening. It’s not like her daughter or child was standing next to her.

Re your reference to a plumber, it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest if someone said that to me to be honest. I’m happily married and I would have just told them ‘keep dreaming fella’ and got on with my life. I wouldn’t have gone home and for the next several weeks email the boss of his company trying to get him sacked.

There’s way too many sensitive souls in this world.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:10

@Silversixpenny , you do understand that your points are only relevant when the teacher is in school?
Do you think - for a moment - the TRA would consider this?

IdaGlossop · 30/04/2025 19:11

Foostit · 30/04/2025 19:10

The way some of these comments are going that will be the next suggestion! 😂

Show quote history

'String 'em up. It's the only language these people understand.'

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:11

Walkden · 30/04/2025 18:57

"I’m a man in a not-particularly-snowflakish profession and would be fired if I said that to a female client."

But as has been clarified she is not in any way a "client" or in this case parent of a school pupil.

I disagree with ‘not in any way a client’. The important thing here is not whether it’s a private or a state school. He knows her exclusively through his employment. He represents the school, and he brought the school into his comments.

I’d feel differently if they’d spent the evening getting drunk and flirty. They didn’t. This was the first thing he said to her. Their only relationship is a professional one.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:11

Foostit · 30/04/2025 19:10

The way some of these comments are going that will be the next suggestion! 😂

Show quote history

😂😂

LoveFridaynight · 30/04/2025 19:12

Do you think that maybe school have more serious things to worry about? They don't just educate the children, they are practically social workers these days trying to help kids and families with real problems as well as teach the children.
This should be low on their list of priorities. You looked him up at school and on social media so you do sound a bit obsessed considering it was one stupid drunk comment.
I mean you can contact the papers and Ofsted about the school if you want or be the better person and leave it.
If he'd spoken about a student like that it would absolutely be an issue but the parent of an ex student it's really not.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 19:12

IdaGlossop · 30/04/2025 19:11

'String 'em up. It's the only language these people understand.'

Show quote history

Chop off his balls the bastard

Tandora · 30/04/2025 19:13

turningpoints · 30/04/2025 19:07

Yes next the OP will be told it was her fault for being out in a bar in the first place.

Show quote history

Apparently she was half way to enjoying the “flirty banter ?!”

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 19:13

howdoyoudooooo · 30/04/2025 19:04

Oh get a grip it’s not a safeguarding issue 😂

Show quote history

Of course it is. He’s been really sexually inappropriate to a parent about how he thinks in a school setting. He needs a refresher at the minimum. You need to get a grip on caring about standards rather than having a laugh.

JohnAmendAll · 30/04/2025 19:13

Sparkletastic · 30/04/2025 13:46

oh dear lord get over yourself

This x 1000.

QuaintShaker · 30/04/2025 19:13

turningpoints · 30/04/2025 19:03

The OP is not "unhinged." I can't believe people on this thread have such low expectations.

As I asked, imagine if your child had seen a therapist in the past, or been involved with a particular police officer or social worker. Imagine if you bumped into that so-called professional some time later, and they told you that the whole time they were talking to you about your child, they were actually thinking of bending you over a desk and fucking you.

Would this be ok from a policeman? Or a social worker? If not, why is a teacher any different?

All this clamouring about him being drunk (if indeed he was) is so utterly pathetic I don't even know what to say. Presumably he was standing up? People will either say that type of thing or they won't. Alcohol does not give people a personality transplant, it just makes people reveal their true colours.

Yes, in similar circumstances this would also be okay (by which I mean, not deserving of disciplinary action) if it was from a policeman or social worker.

Elasticatedtrousers · 30/04/2025 19:13

All he has to say is this never happened or he doesn’t recall any interaction.

I can’t believe this thread has even got traction.

Walkden · 30/04/2025 19:13

"Their only relationship is a professional one."

They don't have ANY relationship at all and certainly not a professional one.

Pieceofpurplesky · 30/04/2025 19:14

Ah another teacher will be quitting. I assume @SophEll you DC didn’t like this teacher as you seem to have a grudge. He made a shitty, inappropriate comment when drunk. It was wrong but you are really undermining the women on here who have suffered from sexual abuse. It was a comment. A poor judged comment.
If you go to the governors and they choose to act you will destroy his career - not in the way you think. He will be like thousands of us quitting and leave. Or worse.

Saladleaves17 · 30/04/2025 19:14

Silversixpenny · 30/04/2025 19:01

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority.

Section 2 of the Teacher's Standards "Personal and Professional Conduct" regarding conduct inside and OUTSIDE of school:

"A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and
professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which
set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.
• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:
• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position
• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions
• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others
• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs
• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.
• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.
• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Try getting back to the school and quote this, and say you are not happy that this teacher has upheld high standards of behaviour regarding showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others, ie yourself.

Your next stop is to (According to AI Google):

Report a teacher for not upholding the Teacher Standards, utilize the school's internal complaints procedure.

If you're not satisfied with the outcome, you can then report serious misconduct to the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA). The TRA investigates and may refer cases to a professional conduct panel.

  1. Ask for the school's complaints procedure (or find on website).
  1. Follow it to the letter and inform the person who fobbed you off you are following it.
  1. If you are still not happy, report to the TRA.

It's this "sweeping under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school/Academy "Trust" " that seems to be more important to everyone in schools from the CEO down, even more so than safeguarding and effectively teaching the children.

Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?

Show quote history

@Silversixpenny which one of these many points did this teacher supposedly not adhere to?

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:14

Walkden · 30/04/2025 19:13

"Their only relationship is a professional one."

They don't have ANY relationship at all and certainly not a professional one.

How does he know her?

IdaGlossop · 30/04/2025 19:15

Elasticatedtrousers · 30/04/2025 19:13

All he has to say is this never happened or he doesn’t recall any interaction.

I can’t believe this thread has even got traction.

Quite. If he was very drunk, he may indeed have no memory of it.

Foostit · 30/04/2025 19:15

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 19:13

Of course it is. He’s been really sexually inappropriate to a parent about how he thinks in a school setting. He needs a refresher at the minimum. You need to get a grip on caring about standards rather than having a laugh.

Show quote history

No he hasn’t! She’s not a current parent and it was said in a bloody bar! If he’d said it during parents’ evening then fair enough but he didn’t! So many ridiculous overreactions on this thread!

IdaGlossop · 30/04/2025 19:16

Saladleaves17 · 30/04/2025 19:14

@Silversixpenny which one of these many points did this teacher supposedly not adhere to?

Show quote history

He didn't display a high standard of professional conduct outside school.

WomenInSTEM · 30/04/2025 19:16

GeneralPeter · 30/04/2025 19:11

I disagree with ‘not in any way a client’. The important thing here is not whether it’s a private or a state school. He knows her exclusively through his employment. He represents the school, and he brought the school into his comments.

I’d feel differently if they’d spent the evening getting drunk and flirty. They didn’t. This was the first thing he said to her. Their only relationship is a professional one.

Show quote history

It wasn't the first thing he said to her. Read the original post again.

As I've said previously, it was a sleazy thing to say but not worth all the drama that the OP is trying to whip up.

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 19:16

Elasticatedtrousers · 30/04/2025 19:13

All he has to say is this never happened or he doesn’t recall any interaction.

I can’t believe this thread has even got traction.

lol because some random near stranger is upset that a teacher didn’t make lewd comments about school meetings? I think you’d find that management would see things very differently and have probably already disciplined him. One to bear in mind next time you think a crap lie will get you off Scot free.

LiquoriceAllsorts2 · 30/04/2025 19:17

SophEll · 30/04/2025 15:44

Yes, that absolutely isn’t some thing I’d ever do, a silly suggestion. It isn’t about shaming the teacher, it’s about schools taking complaints seriously.

Show quote history

Of course you’re shaming the teacher and how do you want the school to take it seriously but it not have an impact on his career. Let this drop.

RealEagle · 30/04/2025 19:17

Obviously the OP is bored because who would put this much energy into this and stalking his Facebook that’s sad

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