Page 26 | Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

SophEll · 2025-04-30T12:43:19+00:00

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard. The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding. I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response. My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again. AIBU to pursue this?

JustSawJohnny · 30/04/2025 19:04

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 19:02

Wow you should try joining 2025. All schools have safeguarding guidelines and training that explicitly describe situations like this. The school are trying to cover up. I’d escalate with the Board. But your husband is right, you’ll be amazed at how your child will suffer if they’re still at the school.

Edited

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Safeguarding guidelines do not cover ex-parents, in bars, getting (badly) chatted up by teachers.

loobylou10 · 30/04/2025 19:04

Don’t be silly @SophEll. You would actually ruin his career by perusing this. It was an ill judged remark in a pub - nothing to do with his work. I suspect though that you won’t stop til he’s lost his job. Not really sure why you’ve posted here????

Digdongdoo · 30/04/2025 19:05

I'm not really sure what you expect the school to do. They can't exactly investigate can they? You're expect consequences based on your say so alone? That's not really how things work.
It's a bit gross, but it's a single drunken comment between two grown adults. He wasn't your teacher.

Walkden · 30/04/2025 19:05

*This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority."

What authority does the guy have over op exactly.

I don't see how copying the entirety of teachers standards clarifies this at all. Are you suggesting op explain the teacher standards to the school lol..

Ilovetowander · 30/04/2025 19:05

Silversixpenny · 30/04/2025 19:01

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority.

Section 2 of the Teacher's Standards "Personal and Professional Conduct" regarding conduct inside and OUTSIDE of school:

"A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and
professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which
set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.
• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:
• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position
• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions
• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others
• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs
• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.
• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.
• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Try getting back to the school and quote this, and say you are not happy that this teacher has upheld high standards of behaviour regarding showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others, ie yourself.

Your next stop is to (According to AI Google):

Report a teacher for not upholding the Teacher Standards, utilize the school's internal complaints procedure.

If you're not satisfied with the outcome, you can then report serious misconduct to the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA). The TRA investigates and may refer cases to a professional conduct panel.

Ask for the school's complaints procedure (or find on website).

Follow it to the letter and inform the person who fobbed you off you are following it.

If you are still not happy, report to the TRA.

It's this "sweeping under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school/Academy "Trust" " that seems to be more important to everyone in schools from the CEO down, even more so than safeguarding and effectively teaching the children.

Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?

Show quote history

This was said in a bar - it was not related to a pupil. Totally agree that is was inappropriate but it is not a matter for the school. The school does not own the teacher to that extent and if it did I guess there would be very few teachers as they would not want their every move scrutinised. There is a big difference say for someone committing a criminal offence or some other act which could be deemed to bringing the profession into disrepute than a illjudged comment in a bar.

CurlewKate · 30/04/2025 19:05

And now- if women don’t want to be told that men want to “bend them over a desk” they shouldn’t go to bars at night……

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:05

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 18:40

She shouldn't be saying that she's not very good at her job if she's monitoring what her staff gets up to at a nightclub.

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Who is "she"? Who is monitoring their staff in a nightclub?
Dear lord, we've barely got time to monitor the corridors and social spaces in school!

Foostit · 30/04/2025 19:05

@Silversixpenny
Are you actually serious? 😂😂😂 But AI says… 😂😂
You clearly have no understanding of what any of the ‘standards’ mean and the OP has already been politely informed that they will not be getting involved. She’ll end up with a restraining order if she follows your advice!

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:06

CurlewKate · 30/04/2025 19:05

And now- if women don’t want to be told that men want to “bend them over a desk” they shouldn’t go to bars at night……

What do you think should happen to him?

wordler · 30/04/2025 19:06

Tandora · 30/04/2025 18:58

Omg . Just because you are in a bar doesn’t mean you are ok with this.

Show quote history

Late night in a bar - if two men on their own, approach two women on their own and strike up a conversation, one or more of them are looking for a hook up or at the very least a bit of a flirt.

I've never met anyone in real life who wouldn't understand that.

As a woman in that scenario you have three options

-- get rid of them immediately because you are just out to socialise with your friend and don't want to have to deal with a clumsy pass.

-- enjoy a bit of flirty conversation knowing that you have to head off at the pass the inevitable 'pass' - so you set your boundaries firmly and clearly.

-- take it further if you are interested.

Sounds like the OP was somewhere between option 1 and 2 and the drunk guy was a bit ahead of himself

BelfastBard · 30/04/2025 19:06

So an adult man, made a sexual comment to another adult, outside of school hours and while he was not acting in any professional capacity as your children no longer even attend the school?
And you told his employer? What risk exactly did you think he posed? Was it gross, yeah. You could have told him as much and walked off. Contacting the school was frankly ridiculous.

CantStopMoving · 30/04/2025 19:06

Silversixpenny · 30/04/2025 19:01

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority.

Section 2 of the Teacher's Standards "Personal and Professional Conduct" regarding conduct inside and OUTSIDE of school:

"A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and
professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which
set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.
• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:
• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position
• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions
• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others
• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs
• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.
• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.
• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Try getting back to the school and quote this, and say you are not happy that this teacher has upheld high standards of behaviour regarding showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others, ie yourself.

Your next stop is to (According to AI Google):

Report a teacher for not upholding the Teacher Standards, utilize the school's internal complaints procedure.

If you're not satisfied with the outcome, you can then report serious misconduct to the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA). The TRA investigates and may refer cases to a professional conduct panel.

Ask for the school's complaints procedure (or find on website).

Follow it to the letter and inform the person who fobbed you off you are following it.

If you are still not happy, report to the TRA.

It's this "sweeping under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school/Academy "Trust" " that seems to be more important to everyone in schools from the CEO down, even more so than safeguarding and effectively teaching the children.

Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?

Show quote history

Why would he say that to a child?

IdaGlossop · 30/04/2025 19:06

EntropyCentral · 30/04/2025 18:58

Thank you - clearly there are plenty of people on here who have (luckily for them) never had to face such an awful experience

I think the responses and the voting show that many people have had similar experiences. The 70s would have had you in fits of the vapours.

When he saw you were shocked he walked it back saying "joking obviously"
As pissed as he was he realised he'd overstepped a line. Non - event.

I think the generational difference is relevant. I was a teenager in the 1970s and think about some of what happened then and how glad I am for my DD that things have changed. The question of proportion does matter though. This incident is unpleasant but minor. My wish for all women is that we speak up for ourselves when sleazy, unwanted comments are made, and say 'yes' or 'no' to men with equal confidence and expecting them to behave accordingly.

Pooxy · 30/04/2025 19:07

I am surprised by the people who think this isn’t an issue.

FYI I am a teacher in a secondary school.

If this had been a random teacher, with a random woman, it’s creepy but not a school problem necessarily.

It becomes a school issue because the OP is the parent of an ex-student, whom the teacher had met in a professional capacity. That is where it crosses the line into a school issue. It’s deeply inappropriate and I would not be happy working alongside a colleague with this sort of conduct.

turningpoints · 30/04/2025 19:07

CurlewKate · 30/04/2025 19:05

And now- if women don’t want to be told that men want to “bend them over a desk” they shouldn’t go to bars at night……

Yes next the OP will be told it was her fault for being out in a bar in the first place.

Helloworlditsmeagain · 30/04/2025 19:07

Silversixpenny · 30/04/2025 19:01

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority.

Section 2 of the Teacher's Standards "Personal and Professional Conduct" regarding conduct inside and OUTSIDE of school:

"A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and
professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which
set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.
• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:
• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position
• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions
• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others
• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs
• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.
• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.
• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Try getting back to the school and quote this, and say you are not happy that this teacher has upheld high standards of behaviour regarding showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others, ie yourself.

Your next stop is to (According to AI Google):

Report a teacher for not upholding the Teacher Standards, utilize the school's internal complaints procedure.

If you're not satisfied with the outcome, you can then report serious misconduct to the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA). The TRA investigates and may refer cases to a professional conduct panel.

Ask for the school's complaints procedure (or find on website).

Follow it to the letter and inform the person who fobbed you off you are following it.

If you are still not happy, report to the TRA.

It's this "sweeping under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school/Academy "Trust" " that seems to be more important to everyone in schools from the CEO down, even more so than safeguarding and effectively teaching the children.

Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?

Show quote history

I am sure he is professional while he is at work teaching. Your long list says nothing about how he should behave when he's out at night letting his shoulders drop from teaching.

"Imagine if he said that to a kid" what are you insinuating and advising the op?

Numberfish · 30/04/2025 19:08

WibblyWobblyLane · 30/04/2025 18:57

I would be very careful. Stalking out his place.of work, his social media to see if he has a partner, constantly emailing his place of work, you sound like you are harassing him. He made an inappropriate comment and then backed off, you just keep going and going. You'll end with the police involved if you don't reign it in. You won't be making him look bad because instead of him being embarrassed that his boss knows what he said and had a complaint, if you keep going they'll be rolling their eyes and referring to you as "that nutter emailed in again".

OP is concerned that someone in charge of young girls has such lewd and inappropriate ideas of decent behaviour. None of us worry about ‘how it looks’ when safeguarding children. Well, not the decent people.

Shoes232 · 30/04/2025 19:08

I would imagine at parents evening he didn’t even look twice at you.

Hallamlass · 30/04/2025 19:08

Pooxy · 30/04/2025 19:07

I am surprised by the people who think this isn’t an issue.

FYI I am a teacher in a secondary school.

If this had been a random teacher, with a random woman, it’s creepy but not a school problem necessarily.

It becomes a school issue because the OP is the parent of an ex-student, whom the teacher had met in a professional capacity. That is where it crosses the line into a school issue. It’s deeply inappropriate and I would not be happy working alongside a colleague with this sort of conduct.

No. They met in a nightclub. The school connection was some years before, so isn't relevant here.

Cheesyfootballs01 · 30/04/2025 19:08

SophEll · 30/04/2025 18:25

All - I appreciate the wide range of views. However, please read all of my posts as you’ll see that it’s not a witch hunt against the individual, but at the incompetence/arrogance of the school at responding to my complaint.

For those saying I should have been complimented - give over! I don’t need some drunk sleazeball to give me any confidence, I’ve a long term DH and have never had any issues in that department thank you very much!

This is BS though isn’t it?

By pushing this with the school and apparently now Governor’s, it will definitely turn in to a witch hunt…

You say you want the school to investigate- well they have and they deem it warrants no further action.

People are allowed a bloody life out of work you know, they are normal humans too!!

steff13 · 30/04/2025 19:09

"Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?"

Well, yes, if he'd said it to a kid he should be fired. But he didn't. And there's no reason to believe that he would.

turningpoints · 30/04/2025 19:09

Shoes232 · 30/04/2025 19:08

I would imagine at parents evening he didn’t even look twice at you.

WTF

Pedallleur · 30/04/2025 19:09

Why not just burn his effigy outside the school?

Nodancingshoes · 30/04/2025 19:09

He was drunk and an idiot. Your children no longer go to the school. You walked away and I expect he was cringing the next morning over his creepiness. You are overreacting

Walkden · 30/04/2025 19:09

"None of us worry about ‘how it looks’ when safeguarding childrenx

Well op is an adult woman so this isn't really relevant...