Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

A grown man, made a comment to a grown women, in a bar. He didn’t make the comment to a child, he didn’t make the comment whilst you were on school property or at a parents evening or any other event when he was representing a school.

Was the comment a bit sleezy, yes, is this anything to do with him being a teacher…no

Why you would even think to run to the school and complain is beyond me. Imagine if every drunk person who ever made an inappropriate comment to someone had some mad person tracking down their employer and telling on them! Even your DH has told you to drop it.

Leave the man alone, your kids aren’t at the school anymore. Get over yourself!

I’m surprised by this response. He, unbidden, told a parent of one of his students that he fantasised about having sex with her in school.

I’m a man in a not-particularly-snowflakish profession and would be fired if I said that to a female client. This is well within the ‘disrepute’ clause. At the very least it would be a serous disciplinary offence. It would not be “not our problem”. He only knows her because of his employment. There’s no way he could possibly argue he thought it was welcome. And it’s borderline threatening.

They weren't in the queue at the post office! Or at a town council meet and greet.

They were each out with a friend in a bar late at night, everyone drinking and clearly open to a conversation with members of the opposite sex. Two guys don't approach two women on their own in that situation without it being about a potential hook-up for one or both of them.

In this case the guy was too drunk to read the signals but he backed off as soon as he was put in his place by the OP's friend.

Behave 🤦🏻‍♂️

But she's not his 'client'.

She doesn't even have a child at the school anymore!

He didn't use his school connection to meet her. That is actions like getting her number from a file or her home address from her child. He met her in a night club by chance and made a sleazy pass at her. As happens thousands of times every weekend from people who are just as obligated to ensure they don't bring their work place into disrepute.

"I’m a man in a not-particularly-snowflakish profession and would be fired if I said that to a female client."

But as has been clarified she is not in any way a "client" or in this case parent of a school pupil.

I’m a Governor, I would just tell him not to be such a bell-end in future.. and quickly move on. Nothing formal or on file.

I not sure what you expect the school to do - parade him round ringing a bell, shouting “shame”

I would be very careful. Stalking out his place.of work, his social media to see if he has a partner, constantly emailing his place of work, you sound like you are harassing him. He made an inappropriate comment and then backed off, you just keep going and going. You'll end with the police involved if you don't reign it in. You won't be making him look bad because instead of him being embarrassed that his boss knows what he said and had a complaint, if you keep going they'll be rolling their eyes and referring to you as "that nutter emailed in again".

Whilst the behaviour of this man is in my view very poor and distasteful it is not relevant to his job. He is not speaking about a child or vulnerable adult, or parent. Totally agree his comment were ill judged but it is not a matter for his employer just as it would not be if he was working in a supermarket or had an IT role somewhere.

Omg . Just because you are in a bar doesn’t mean you are ok with this.

Thank you - clearly there are plenty of people on here who have (luckily for them) never had to face such an awful experience

I think the responses and the voting show that many people have had similar experiences. The 70s would have had you in fits of the vapours.

When he saw you were shocked he walked it back saying "joking obviously"
As pissed as he was he realised he'd overstepped a line. Non - event.

What’s the difference, other than the school has no financial incentive to care?

@Saladleaves17

Was the comment a bit sleezy, yes, is this anything to do with him being a teacher…no

Yes. He only knows her because of his employment. He brought the school into his comments. And his behaviour at any time reflects on the school.

If a plumber said that to you, would it matter whether he said it before or after you had paid his bill (current client or former client)? I can’t see how it makes a material difference.

No, and it’s not grossly unprofessional either.

Unprofessional perhaps, but grossly unprofessional - no.

OP’s response is completely disproportionate to what happened. It shows poor judgment on her part.

Agree with this!!

If you were still a parent of a child in the school then you would potentially have grounds for complaint. You're not, though. The school will not want to get into a tit for tat over what amounts to a drunk teacher, off the clock and away from school premises, making a really shit attempt at chatting someone up.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view.

This is a HUGE over reaction. Teachers are allowed to have sex lives.

A fully grown man who imagines having sex with a fully grown woman is not a danger to children.

Is he a man I'd want to get involved with? No, from what you've said - but that doesn't mean he can't teach maths!

You are NOT being unreasonable.

This is sexual harrassment by a person in a position of authority.

Section 2 of the Teacher's Standards "Personal and Professional Conduct" regarding conduct inside and OUTSIDE of school:

"A teacher is expected to demonstrate consistently high standards of personal and
professional conduct. The following statements define the behaviour and attitudes which
set the required standard for conduct throughout a teacher’s career.
• Teachers uphold public trust in the profession and maintain high standards of
ethics and behaviour, within and outside school, by:
• treating pupils with dignity, building relationships rooted in mutual respect,
and at all times observing proper boundaries appropriate to a teacher’s
professional position
• having regard for the need to safeguard pupils’ well-being, in accordance
with statutory provisions
• showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others
• not undermining fundamental British values, including democracy, the rule
of law, individual liberty and mutual respect, and tolerance of those with
different faiths and beliefs
• ensuring that personal beliefs are not expressed in ways which exploit
pupils’ vulnerability or might lead them to break the law.
• Teachers must have proper and professional regard for the ethos, policies and
practices of the school in which they teach, and maintain high standards in their
own attendance and punctuality.
• Teachers must have an understanding of, and always act within, the statutory
frameworks which set out their professional duties and responsibilities."

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/media/5a750668ed915d3c7d529cad/Teachers_standard_information.pdf

Try getting back to the school and quote this, and say you are not happy that this teacher has upheld high standards of behaviour regarding showing tolerance of and respect for the rights of others, ie yourself.

Your next stop is to (According to AI Google):

Report a teacher for not upholding the Teacher Standards, utilize the school's internal complaints procedure.

If you're not satisfied with the outcome, you can then report serious misconduct to the Teaching Regulation Agency (TRA). The TRA investigates and may refer cases to a professional conduct panel.

1. Ask for the school's complaints procedure (or find on website).

1. Follow it to the letter and inform the person who fobbed you off you are following it.

1. If you are still not happy, report to the TRA.

It's this "sweeping under the carpet to protect the reputation of the school/Academy "Trust" " that seems to be more important to everyone in schools from the CEO down, even more so than safeguarding and effectively teaching the children.

Imagine if he'd said that to a kid?

Sorry but I can’t believe you actually went to the school about this! 🤦‍♀️
What if you met someone in a bar who worked in your local shop and he had made these comments. Would you have gone to his employer too? Of course you wouldn’t! You really need to get a grip here!

I mean personally I’d have thought “he’s a dickhead” and moved on with my life. You keep clutching those pearls though, OP.

Wow you should try joining 2025. All schools have safeguarding guidelines and training that explicitly describe situations like this. The school are trying to cover up. I’d escalate with the Board. But your husband is right, you’ll be amazed at how your child will suffer if they’re still at the school.

My cousin is like the op won't stop at all costs. Her husband is just a passenger and so is the ops husband. It doesn't matter how they look it's about how they feel and that's more important than common sense. My cousin's brother doesn't want to talk to her after the panic she brought to the local community and my partner in the UK. She embarrassed him to everyone.

I’m surprised by this response. He, unbidden, told a parent of one of his students that he fantasised about having sex with her in school.

No, he didn't. OP doesn't have kids at the school any more. If she were a current parent, they may well have had words with him. A fully grown man badly chatting up a grown woman is still not grounds for dismissal.

Once a student (if over 18), never mind a parent, has left the school they are legally allowed to have a relationship with a former teacher.

Weird and creepy IMO, but it can and does happen.

The OP is not "unhinged." I can't believe people on this thread have such low expectations.

As I asked, imagine if your child had seen a therapist in the past, or been involved with a particular police officer or social worker. Imagine if you bumped into that so-called professional some time later, and they told you that the whole time they were talking to you about your child, they were actually thinking of bending you over a desk and fucking you.

Would this be ok from a policeman? Or a social worker? If not, why is a teacher any different?

All this clamouring about him being drunk (if indeed he was) is so utterly pathetic I don't even know what to say. Presumably he was standing up? People will either say that type of thing or they won't. Alcohol does not give people a personality transplant, it just makes people reveal their true colours.

Oh get a grip it’s not a safeguarding issue 😂