Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

a lot of people normalising it saying it’s just a “chat up line” and what do you expect when you go to a bar etc.

Ok, @SophEll . Suppose you're in a nightclub and you recognise someone who used to be your dentist. He makes a sleazy remark to you. Should he be struck off? He's probably dealing with children's mouths!

I'm starting to think this isn't real... and is designed to get a reaction. No-one in their right mind would go to these lengths. Your DH is wise OP, you should listen to him

I can tell you already what will happen if the OP chases this as far as she can.

The governors will discuss it at their next meeting. They'll agree that it's very mildly embarrassing for the school although more so for the teacher. The head will say he'll have a quiet word.

That quiet word will be 'I disagree with this, but I'm just bringing it up because this EX parent is insistent and she's chased this all the way to the governors. Give her a wide berth if you ever encounter her in future. And do your drinking and clubbing further away from school in future to protect yourself.'

Do you genuinely think, in all honesty, that this teacher should have a professional disciplinary action because of this?

Some people saying it’s a complement! Disgusting

Just read all your posts OP and you are crazy. You are stalking him on Facebook and won't be happy until he loses his job. You are an adult and should have told him to P off then and there. He didn't touch you or harass you ALL night, no crime has occured. I hope your complaints come to nothing.

You are saying it’s not a witch-hunt against the individual but the school for disregarding your complaint. So what do you want to achieve? You want the school to discipline him? Take some action against him? What?

Sounds like a witch hunt to me 🙄 You still want them to do something and if they do then this will have an impact on this guys life.

FFS let it go!

Well my husband doesn't drink so I can't imagine him saying anything when drunk.

I do remember my 13 year old coming home from a residential and telling us about the young male teacher who had accompanied them being so drunk on his night off that he slept on the floor in their dormitory as he couldn't find his room. No one suffered permanent damage from this horrific experience, even my child who was completely unused to seeing drunks, I'm sure he'd lose his job if it happened now. Apparently he's in a senior position at the school now. Wonder how he deals with this sort of thing.

@Hallamlass In this instance he didnt meet the criteria posted above for it being serious enough to be anything formal but if I was his manager I would take him to one side and remind him of the professional standards he agreed to uphold by being a public figure in the community. I would remind him of the trust people place in him to look after their children and comments like he made can affect that trust and the reputation of the school. I would remind him of the sexual harrassment laws, cat calling for example is illegal. I would basically give him a stern talking to. I think that is sufficient in this case.

What really worries me about your continued tin ears, is the idea that a male teacher is being targeted for having a personal life. You are going after a man who earns far below job equivalence and making it somehow a severe character flaw. You are actively seeking to destroy his livelhood and career. WHILE at the same time, creating a hostile atmosphere for any male teachers looking to get into the teaching profession! We desperately need MORE male teachers!
Second of all this sounds like you have been triggered in some deep way by this. But that's about you. You are being intellectually dishonest here and i find it objectionable.

"that it’s not a witch hunt against the individual, but at the incompetence/arrogance of the school at responding to my complaint."

Seems like they are "arrogant and incompetent" only because they disagree with your assessment though....

But most of the replies on here are not enabling shit men.

There are women who like sexual banter when they find the guy attractive and are potentially interested. There are women who hate it in any circumstance.

There are times and places where any kind of sexual flirting is inappropriate - workplaces, regular public places in the day time, anywhere where the woman is particularly vulnerable for example on their own on public transport etc.

Late at night, in a bar, it's not that weird to try to chat someone up.

Of course, this guy was too drunk to read the situation and get enough feedback before blurting out his chat up line. He'd (presumably) not done some initial testing the water to double check that you weren't now single and out with your wing woman looking for some fun, or that you were open to it.

He backed off immediately when called out. Perhaps he regretted it the second it came out of his mouth, or next day when he sobered up. Maybe not. He's come across as a bit of a nob in this scenario but it's not a safeguarding issue or connected in any way to how he conducts himself at his job.

I agree that's a more realistic response a quiet word. Watch who you talk to outside of school. I don't why I am shocked when I hear of female teachers behaving badly they are more prolific than men.

Would you? I am a senior teacher. I'd ask him what happened. I'd remind him about appropriate behaviour. I'd tell him to be watchful about drink and not making inappropriate remarks to women. I'd say, you're not really a public figure, but be aware of yourself and stop being a bloody sleazeball.

Totally amazed by the YABU brigade.

What he was actually telling the OP was AT school, whilst meant to be thinking about her child and their progress, he was thinking about bending her over the desk - whilst at work, in his profession as a teacher! The fact he is now telling her this in a bar outside school is irrelevant

But you are. You said in your OP that you don’t think someone like that should be teaching. So, you’re doing your best to have this treated as a serious disciplinary issue which could end up costing him his career. This whole thing says wayyyy more about you than it does about him. He left you alone as soon as he realised his mistake fgs!

Maybe speak to him and tell him that’s not an appropriate way to speak to parents (including alum parents) - or to any woman for that matter- and it doesn’t reflect well on him professionally?

OP - ignore the awful. comments on this thread. Heaven forbid a woman takes a stand against being sexually humiliated like that 😡 and heaven forbid any man should ever- even in the mildest way- have to account for his behaviour.

YANBU.

Your account of the school's response suggests neither incompetence nor arrogance. They have a policy and have followed it. The fact that you happen not to like the policy is immaterial. By quoting relevant legislation and guidance, you are effectively challenging the basis upon which the policy has been drafted. That is the behaviour of a vexatious complainant. It's for behaviour like this, which is familiar to all schools, that you have been told further correspondence will be filed and not responded to. At inspection, Ofsted looks at complaints handling so the school is already one step ahead of you and is building its evidence file.

Stalking the teacher online, and talking about contacting the local press and posting about the incident on social media sounds very like a witch hunt to me.

No, some people saying that some women would find a positive in it. Which is true. I don't think anyone on here had said they would personally be pleased. That's the same debate as wolf whistling. Pretty much every poster has said it's awful behaviour, sleazy, inappropriate, creepy, crass. But also not illegal and in a setting where one might expect some sort of approach., ie not a professional or business environment.

@Hallamlass thats pretty much what I would say too. It shows pretty poor judgement to say what he said and also an undertone of misogyny which needs calling out.

You can't police someone else's language. You can give advice and tell him to be mindful who he talks to.

Your comparison makes NO SENSE. They were colleagues!!!!!! You aren’t this guys colleague. You don’t work together. There is no written warning for social interactions between two adults at a pub.

You are ridiculously tiresome when so many 90% plus have told you you are wrong and to let it go:

I wish I was the Chair of Governors now.

"Dear SophEll,

Thank you for your email.

Please be assured I will give this matter the time and attention it deserves."

😉

Why though? What do you hope to achieve? Do you want to get him sacked? Why didn't you just give him a piece of your mind when he said it? This has nothing to do with his job.