Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Seemingly an unpopular opinion but I'm with the OP. The comment by the intoxicated pedagogue was clearly loathsome & not something that a decent man would utter, however it is the conflation of the sexual comment with a school-desk that is a potential red flag 🚩 about this person's suitability around teenagers.

But it's and "and", not an "or". E.g. it needs to be serious AND negatively impact perception.

This incident is plainly not "serious".

What do you think about the fact that the majority of people on here agree with the school, op?

It’s not sexual harassment because he only made the one comment. You really need to lighten up. I don’t understand why you are going after his career over a comment he made in a club in his free time. Your giving off bunny boiler vibes.

This does not constitute evidence that he is a threat to minors.

I'm surprised at the schools reaction. I work in NHS and I know of a colleague who got in serious trouble for doing a sport naked on holiday and someone complained to the trust. Something about bringing the profession/trust in to disrupute. You would hope he got an pff the record bollocking. It is sexual harassment and we need to stop normalising this behaviour.

I wouldn't be in the least flattered frankly, but the harrassment planned by the OP is on another level.

Sadly, I think she would feel very smug and happy with herself if he did lost his job.

People aren't saying the comment he made was okay, we just don't think he deserves to have his career blown up over it, which is what OP seems hellbent on doing with her talk of reporting it to Ofsted and going to the local paper.

So, in your opinion, what should the school do?

What not even all the “poor sod isn’t even allowed to flirt” “the OP probably approached him and got turned down” and many similar comments? “If he’d looked like Brad Pitt you wouldn’t be complaining” “How are men supposed to meet anyone?” and so on…..

I’m actually starting to feel quite sorry for the poor bloke…

@SonK

i would much rather have a man tell me he fantasises about bending me over than telling me he thinks I’m cute tbh

the teacher, or the OP's husband? 😂

@Higgeldypiggeldy35

whoever reported your colleague should be ashamed of themselves

I would take it a step further with Ofstead and write about it on social media. What an absolute creep.

Yes it was sleazy . As a teacher myself I would never act in an inappropriate way like that ( I wouldn’t anyway but I mean to a parent of a student makes it worse ) .

I understand your feelings and I don’t think it’s an overreacting to immediately think about the fact he teaches children - because it is crossing a boundary .

But , realistically- he’s not done anything that implies he is a risk to children. He’s a human , he was drunk , he was sleazy - but it wasn’t anything that signifies anything about being a danger to children. Teachers are human , they have sexual feelings. If he fancied you he probably had thought about bending you over the desk - he didn’t need to say that , but he’s done nothing wrong having those thoughts .

Teachers have sex lives - my god some of the things me and my husband get up to , the filth we have said to each other and the private photos he has of me … 🤯 doesn’t mean I’m unsafe to be around children because of the thoughts , feelings etc that happen in private .

Let it go. He doesn’t deserve to have his career ruined just for making an inappropriate comment.

And posters are saying nobody is enabling shit men!

That's quite a leap - drunken sexualised comment to paedophile. What a grim world picture yours is.

Pray tell – how exactly does him being a drunken twat for a few seconds in a bar impact his ability to teach children?

You won’t get anywhere OP. In my son’s previous school, two married teachers were conducting an affair on school grounds, and even that was disregarded and ignored. I do think teachers should have a strong moral code and I don’t think it is old fashioned to think so!

This is why no one wants to be a teacher anymore. Parents think they own you. Never, ever again.

It’s subjective, I think.

I thought you were going to say he'd been pervy or inappropriate with a child! No. A teachers gets drunk and makes a lewd remark to a grown adult. Absolutely not a matter for the school. I can't believe you were going to call the local paper!!

Exactly.

It’s all about context. You were in a bar that’s a place where people drink alcohol.
It’s not as if you were standing in the doctors waiting room or a bus stop. Teachers are entitled to a private life. It’s a random comment a bit rude but you were in an adult only alcohol fuelled environment.