Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

@SophEll If you are unhappy about the manner in which the complaint was handled, then you will need to follow the school complaints policy. At this point your complaint will be about the HT as they have acted on behalf of the school and it will go to the Chair of Governors for action. However as a CoG, I would have to say that I would agree with the original decision that no further action would be taken. Staff are entitled to a private life, your employer is not there to police you 24/7 and whilst you may not have liked his approach, others may.

"The point is, where students are concerned, being 'off site' is no excuse for anti-social, inappropriate or lewd behaviour leading to a complaint from a member of the public. Nor is 'being drunk' or 'having a life outside school' ever an excuse for students"

Usually only true if they are in uniform or more often if there is a safeguarding issue.

I think it unlikely that a pupil at the school in their own clothes in town on a weeknight would be permanently excluded if they told a woman they wanted to "bend them over a table".

I know! This is barmy!
Do people think that schools have so much time and resources that they look around to police the behaviour of teachers in bars?! 😂

You said you wanted to report him to Ofsted and go to the papers!!! For WHAT?! He hasn’t done anything immoral, illegal, unsafe, discriminatory and it has nothing to do with the school or the safeguarding of a child or concerns any students he teaches or has taught. You are starting to sound like a nutjob.

It was an adult to adult normal interaction in a bar - where there will be alcohol and people flirting and hitting on each other every minute It’s got absolutely nothing to do with the school. Hitting on someone with an uncooth and clumsy pick-up line is not a crime, it’s barely a noteworthy incident.

I can imagine the newspaper story now: “Man hits on woman in bar by saying he would give her a good seeing to. Woman says not interested and man says fair enough and walks off”. RIVETING STUFF.

'Flirting is supposed to be respectful.' Really?

Yes you need to let this go.

As an ex teacher, that behaviour would have been career ending for me.

I don’t know how 90% of people can think YABU!

Both my schools had a policy of not befriending parents (let alone asking them to bend over a desk!).

From the teacher’s perspective it was a connection made through the school, so his behaviour was totally unacceptable and, I am prepared to bet, breaking his contract.

I would just keep escalating through the complaint procedure until it was taken seriously.

I suspect that most girls and women have had blokes hit on them in a drunken, clumsy, sleazy way. He didn't pursue it, it went no further, yet you think you can force his employer to take some sort of action?

Obviously the comment was inappropriate. To contact the school is ridiculous. Get over yourself.

SophEll

"...and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding."

It sounds as if they have decided to treat your complaint as vexatious. If that is the case, you will look even more batshit if you persist.

"Both my schools had a policy of not befriending parents (let alone asking them to bend over a desk!)"

This is a parent of an ex pupil who left the schools years ago....

Yes, actually, this behaviour is definitely caught under the Inappropriate Flirting in a Bar Act.

I'm trying to imagine it without thinking of Jane Austen 😉

Going to school governors is completely OTT as well.

Do you genuinely think this is career ending?
Why?

But she isn't a current parent. None of her children are at the school.

She's no longer a parent with children at the school.

I am an ex deputy head and was once involved in a reprimand of two young teachers who brought the reputation of the school into disrepute. After a teachers get together at a local pub at the end of term, two teachers went outside and were messing around in the car park, posing for photos leaning over a sports car ( belonged to another member of staff ), making silly faces, pouting sexily and waving legs around but not exposing their bodies or mimicking sex. This was seen by some parents who were also in the car park and reported to the Head teacher.

It was treated seriously even though most of the teachers who had been there thought it was just a bit of fun and not that bad but the problem was that it took place very close to the school where pupils and parents could see. The two girls were mortified, both in their first year of teaching but they accepted the complaint and they were given a verbal warning.

In this situation, if the comment was made in a bar away from the area of the school then I’m not sure if it would be considered bringing the school into disrepute as casual watchers would not know which school he taught at.

Sorry what's wrong with that 😂 you think going up to someone and telling them you want to do them from behind without any suggestion they might be interested is flirting? And they say romance is dead!

Considering how much MN hates men generally, I’m surprised the OP is being roasted so much on this thread. Normally the replies would be roasting the man, simply for “being pervy”.

I think it was a bad move of his to make his sleazy remark, and to talk about having taught the OP’s child. I do various teaching roles, and I would certainly keep it professional if I happened to meet a parent outside of school.

It's not flirting, it's crass and unpleasant, but it doesn't go against the Teaching Standards if a teacher says this in a bar to another adult.

Can you imagine though
'Miss Bennet.... I want to bend you over the desk'
Not very inspiring
Sorry you lot have such low expectations!

Career-ending on what grounds exactly?

If you think it’s sexual harassment go to the police.
personally it sounds like a really sleazy attempt at hooking up by a drunk.

Yeah I get that I was referring to people saying it's not sexual harassment

What on earth has happened to the world? I’d have expected at worst, a quiet word with both to say, don’t do that again and leave it at that but honestly cannot see they did anything wrong. As someone else asked earlier, who would become a teacher? I thought about it for while but honestly I’m glad I didn’t bother.