Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Christ. Who'd be a teacher.

He is a sleazy drunk but was on his own time and your child no longer attends the school, so the school will be reluctant to get involved .

That said, despite what they have said to you - I strongly suspect they will have told him about the complaint and warned him about his behaviour.
However, as unlikely as it is you would randomly be making this up - it will be your word against his and he is highly unlikely to admit it.
What you could perhaps have done - although I can see you are going via the governors is to email him directly - teacher's school emails are often available online via the school website and say you were shocked and disappointed by his behaviour when you encountered him drunk and he made sexually inappropriate comments to you. That he is entitled to his leisure time but you were disappointed someone who on a day to day basis interacts and is a role model to young people behaved like that and that you hope this was an aberration and not reflective of the type of attitude he has towards women generally. You could also say you hope he is not married/ got a partner when he is making these type of sleazy comments as you are sure they would be disappointed to learn he is such a specimen.

It might make him think a bit in the cold light of day.

For complete transparency, that link you provided appears to be referring to the workplace where quite obviously different standards apply.

According to that list, winking at someone is sexual harassment, as is giving them a gift, calling them honey, or standing close to them.

Obviously all inappropriate in the workplace but in other settings, not necessarily a problem at all.

💯

Career ending!! Are you okay?

and you .. believe him 😂

He probably made up that crap on the spot, because he vaguely recognised the OP. Or maybe he fancied the OP, who knows. He wasn't inappropriate then anyway.

I would have thought a bit excessive to report him on the night - and complain to the bar to warn him there and then, or kick him out at a push, but if you are that triggered and dont' feel safe, why not. You should have, if you didn't feel confident to tell him to fuck off - which he did by himself anyway.

Going to Ofsted/ the DM/ his Facebook friends list?

Seriously?

Get over yourself, it was a badly judged chat up line

So much minimising, it was a disguising inappropriate comment since he's referencing the school environment. I've not met many many perverts who are only perverts in certain environments!

You are being completely unreasonable. He was a drunk pervy twat but it has zero to do with his teaching and you are going after his career. The local paper?!?! You would sound like a complete fool.

Fewer and fewer people. Understandably.

I'm sorry, Sarcasm obviously doesn't come accross well on here...

Initially you did the right thing. A slimy creep made a crude and crass comment in a bar. You made it clear you found it unacceptable and walked away. That was the adult and assertive thing to do. If more women shut sleazy creeps down the first time they said something offensive they'd probably get the message eventually and STFU.

it should have ended there. You don't need his employers telling him off for you.

You can't criticise teachers on here OP, 1st rule of MNs!

If a student of this teacher or any student in that school went up to a woman, in a bar or on the bus or whatever, and told her he used to imagine her bent over a desk so he could give her one, presumably the woman should.... what exactly? Laugh it off? Take it as a compliment?

If she went into the school to complain about this pupil's behaviour, what then?

Isn't it telling that the OP is ignoring 95% of the posts, and focusing on the 2 people who are humouring her?

My DH thinks I need to drop it
maybe listen to him?

If a student said something inappropriate to a woman in a bar it would also be nothing to do with the school.

I know, it's so inconvenient being a teacher when it interferes with being a public sleaze.

I am in absolute dismay at some of the responses on here.

OP as a teacher he is bound by a code of conduct. If you do not get a satisfactory response from the board I would go to the General Teaching Council. I say this as an ex teacher.

If a child in a school receives a complaint from the public, they just ignore it then?

No wonder behaviour in schools is going rapidly downhill into a cesspit.

Well what do you want the outcome of your complaint against him to be? You want him reprimanded? Given a warning? What?

This drunken comment happened outside of school hours, in his own time and is not representative of him as a teacher. I'm not sure there is much they can/or will do.

@SophEll is ignoring the 90% who say she is being unreasonable, my 15:38 post outlining what governors will do, and encouragement from another poster to heed that post. OP you are coming across as frenzied and obsessed. What is the point of you asking for advice here and ignoring it? Based on your behaviour here, you look set to eat up hours of your own time and that of others making a point that is valid (a sleazy comment by a teacher) but for which you have no evidence.

Why are you quoting guidance on US laws?

Although it looks like the law there is similar to the UK: it would very likely be sexual harassment if he made this comment to her during the course of her employment, but he didn't.

No it isn't @mackawhack . If the OP reported an uncorroborated racist or homophobic comment to the school about a member of staff, they would be equally powerless to do anything about it. Unless of course they wanted to launch a full investigation, get witness statements and so on.

Lots of posters think the teacher's approach was grim, but that isn't the point here. The OP wants the school to somehow accept her word about events that happened on a Friday night in a pub and take disciplinary action against an employee on the basis of this and inform her of that. However, much the OP may want this, it won't happen.

@turningpoints of course you could report a pupil in school uniform for making inappropriate comments to a school but again it would be your word against the pupil's, unless you could muster some witnesses to back you up or have video evidence. The school will also have different legal responsibilities for an employee than they do a pupil.

UK law doesn't. Harassment is repeated unwanted attention.

To return to reality for a moment, let's prefix your comment with what we know:

According to an anonymous poster on an internet chat forum, he (who may or may not exist)
...was talking about how he used to imagine her bent over the desk WHILE HER KIDS WERE AT THE SCHOOL AND WHEN HE KNEW HER AS A PARENT.

That puts the shouting into rather a different context.

But assuming this teacher is real and the complaint was really made, the school have no more evidence than we do that this actually occurred. Even if they have a word with him, if this complaint is an isolated one and he simply denies the accusation, that's the end of the matter.

He’s gross and the staff handling your complaint at the school likely agree with you. But equally - and again, not to diminish how this made you feel - I don’t really see what they can do. It’s not a safeguarding issue for the pupils and they’ve no concrete evidence to back up what you’re saying. They did say they’d file it, if further complaints are made down the line then I would hope yours is taken into account to bolster them.