Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

Is that you Karen?

Yes Andrew. It's me.

Thank you, OP.

I see you are going to email the chair of governors......that’s hilarious.What a fool you are,making yourself a laughing stock.

The law disagrees with you on sexual harassment, I’m afraid.

The school gave you the only response they can.

The governors will give you the same.

Because, despite your insistence that they should do something, they are actually following a set of rules.

As an adult approached by another adult outside of school, your route for complaint is the police.

they were not at school? her children do not go to the school? this happened in a pub? away from school!

Nothing the school can do, as they say. There's just no disciplinary pathway for this. You can only hope that the Head might have had a word with him about his behaviour and given an off the record warning.
You can report to Ofsted but I don’t think it’ll go anywhere.

OMG! Why didn't you tell us that in the first place?

Are you seriously telling us that he had his arm round a woman who wasn't his mother? And on Facebook too! He's obviously a raging pervert and very dangerous!

That a teacher might have a girlfriend or a female friend that likes him is outrageous! It might even be worse, she might have responded positively to a dodgy chat-up line in on a drunken night out. It's very worrying indeed.

Thank God for all women and children that we've got SophEll the avenging angel fighting for our rights.

I am full of shame and remorse that I voted YABU. Had you given us the full story in the beginning, I'm sure 100% of us would have agreed you ANBU!

he was out and about and drunk. He wasn’t acting in a professional capacity.

had he said that at a parent’s evening completely different. Had he said that at any other professional work event, completely different

he wasn’t on the clock. He didn't identify the school did he? He just identified that he knew the OP and the context.

Cut the guy some slack.

when I was much younger I made a tit out of myself on many occasion. Thank god that sort of thing stayed on the night out in those days.

I’d wager that if the head had responded to say s/he’d do this as no further recourse possible, the OP would’ve been ok with it. She isn’t after the man’s blood, she just wants his card marked, and not to be treated as though she’s overreacting.

He was talking about how he used to imagine her bent over the desk WHILE HER KIDS WERE AT THE SCHOOL AND WHEN HE KNEW HER AS A PARENT.

Sorry to shout but ffs.

They have acknowledged it – they've said it's not a school matter. Which it isn't. They're not being dismissive, they're just not going to pursue an investigation for something that wasn't on school property and in no way relates to the teacher's classroom conduct.

'The school is looking after their own.' This suggests the school is doing something underhand. It isn't. It is acting reasonably, and being clear about what its business is and what isn't.

Schools are frequently asked by parents to get involved in online disputes between pupils that happen outside school hours. These have nothing to do with them so most schools, sensibly, don't get involved. All organisations have to have boundaries and put the bulk of their effort into the thing they are charged with doing - in this case, teaching and learning.

There are lots of people and organisations you could escalate this to - DfE, Ofsted, the academy chain/LEA, the NEU, the NAHT, Keir Starmer, Benjamin Bunny - but you have no proof so will get nowhere. You are wrong, @SophEll, to think Ofsted will be interested. Their remit does not extend to investigating unproven and unproveable allegations against teachers outside of work hours. What value for money that would represent for the tax payer.

Hmm I’m going to go against the grain here and say the school should do something. I work in a school and we are told what we do out of school represents the school.

A teacher told you that whilst he was talking to you in school in a professional environment he was thinking about having sex with you.
He also didn’t go up to a random stranger and say this he went up to a parent of a student who has left. It is completely unprofessional.

oh good lord.. have you never had a fantasy about someone within the workplace.. i would get it if her kids were currently at the school, and i would get it if he had whisphered this in her ear at parents evening.

i despair i really do

Is he?
Whys that then?
You never got drunk and did something stupid that in no way reflects on you as a person and your ability to do your job?

Thank you. Sense at last.

schools should take SERIOUS complaints very seriously. And not waste time with nonsense like yours, of people (not even a parent) on a war path for reasons known only to themselves.

The school has been 100% correct.

Stop wasting everybody's time so they can concentrate on real issues, not the ones you are making up out of nothing.

@turningpoints surely you can understand that there is very little an employer can do with an uncorroborated accusation about a member of staff? The OP didn't come on here and ask if she was AIBU about his behaviour being off, most people have agreed that he was sleazy and clearly made the OP feel uncomfortable. (Although not actually uncomfortable enough to report it to the bar staff or call 111.)

But that is not what this is about, OP wants some kind of acknowledgement from the school that they are going to treat her 3rd party report of what happened in a pub on a night out as the gospel truth from a higher deity that must be believed. She then wants them to let her know that they will be strapping the erroneous member of staff to the public pillory at the school gates to be pelted with rotten vegetables, because that will satisfy her that the matter has been dealt with properly.

I'm sorry @Mistletoeandwinegums but how can the school possibly know that what the OP is saying is true? If your employer came to you with an accusation made about you on a Friday night out and said they believe it and it was true and they were disciplining you - I'm sure you'd have something to say about it to your lawyers.

I knew it was you!! Hope u r well :) I'm not Andrew though 😉 can't stand him! or the incels you believe I'm in kahoots with!

This man made a stupid and sleazy comment to a woman on a night out. She rightly re-buffed it and he left her alone. End of.

She is now stalking him on Facebook, has complained to the school and wants to take the matter to the governors!

I have heard some mums at my son's school comment on a male teacher's appearance and make rude comments. Should I report them to their places of work? If these women met him on a night out and one said something sleazy to him when drunk because she fancies him rotten, should he report them to their workplace? Look them up on Facebook? make assumptions about her marital status from their Facebook pics? Or in reality, do you think he'd just move on and think 'weird sleazy women! Oh well..'

The world has gone mad and people need to grow up, develop some resilience, some empathy and move on.

Oh calm down. Any female that’s ever been in a club, bar, or on a girls holiday will have experienced similar and none of us are traumatised or aghast.

If he was was hot, I would have said ‘oh really?’ If he wasn’t I would have said ‘bit inappropriate Mr Jones. If it had got more inappropriate I would have told him to fuck off.

I wouldn’t do anything about it.

If he made an advance against a pupil, yes, that would be unacceptable.

You're not a pupil, you're someone he met due to his work.

Get over yourself, it was a badly judged chat up line

No-one disputes that it was unprofessional. What would you have the school do in this case, when the OP has no evidence and didn't report the comment to bar staff?

This is that thing where misogyny & sexism is ok. If he said something homophobic or racist outside of school grounds that wouldn't be an excuse.