Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

I guarantee that line has worked for him on more than one occasion 🤣 You're nothing special OP.

You're stalking him!

You are stalking him and you know nothing about his relationship if it is his girlfriend. How many laws will you break before he decides to take legal action.

You obviously know very little about Andrew Tate.

What on earth? He didn’t touch you, he didn’t actually harass you in any way.

he made a drunken, inappropriate and entirely misguided comment. he is likely mortified.

the fact you want him to lose his job over it and are going to try and destroy his life is horrendous. I think you should be ashamed.

You are trying to ruin this man's life, and it seems like you are trying to cause serious professional harm to other people at the school. Just drop it and get on with your life!

Being drunk wouldn't be an excuse for sexual harassment or worst, but it was one (bad) chat-up line!

And now the OP is going through FB to find him?

Harassment is quickly becoming an issue, but not from the teacher

It's a sleezy comment and would give me the ick, but I'm assuming you're an adult, and he's not actually shagging anyone in the classroom so can't see how it concerns the school. It might be a slightly grey area if you were the parent of one of his current students, but even that wouldn't be illegal.

So, OP, in true Mumsnet style you are focussing on the 10% that think you are correct to harass the school about this perv, not the 90% that realise his behaviour - whilst referencing his position at the school - has nothing to do with them.

Just because he's a teacher it doesn't mean he has to be on his best behaviour 24/7.

If you found out he worked for HSBC you wouldn't be emailing the regional office would you?

I think you've decided that because he said this to you on a night out whilst pissed, he will say it to school kids during lessons whilst sober.

You have absolutely no evidence for this.

I get you are disgusted by this but guess what ...Teachers are not perfect , both men and women, and do and say stuff out of work that isn't child friendly.

To be honest I think I'm more annoyed about yet another arrogant OP who has dismissed 90% of responders, despite asking AIBU, than I am about your standard lechy pissed bloke on a night out.

You know, there are some people who think Mumsnet as a group hate men.

How am I trying to destroy his life? That’s a bizarre comment to make.

I want the school to properly acknowledge my complaint, assure me it will be taken seriously and then we can all move on. I don’t expect to be told the outcome of an internal investigation. Their dismissive response was frankly unacceptable.

You really do fancy yourself as a mixture of Poor Little O'Me and a Crusader who could out crusade Joan of Arc.

I imagine you want money; a grovelling apology; the opportunity to sit in front of the Head eating a Rich Tea while you are taken ever so seriously; an interview in the local press and hoards of women applauding you the next time you go to Aldi while you graciously declare, 'I had to do it for womankind. He had to be stopped.'

Maybe they will bring in a new law forbidding teachers to chat up bored middle aged women in a club and call it, ' SophEll law'!

So far, you have got the school handing you your arse and people on an internet forum-mostly women-laughing at you.

I hope she isn't tempted to do that. It's nothing to do with the school and that intervention could turn very nasty indeed.

this is hilarious...

Yep. You're not going to stop until he's been sacked and struck off are you?

Taken seriously how? Getting him to apologise for a saying something that there is no proof he said? Sacking him? OTT. What do you want?

Good grief!

If you think this is so traumatising that it's your duty to "...ensure no other person has to go through this at the hands of a teacher...", you must have lived a very charmed life.

For a start, in the context you describe, he wasn't a teacher, he was a (possibly) slightly drunk bloke on a night out.

Secondly, most if not all women have been subjected to clumsy and offensive "chat up lines" without turning it into a vicious campaign of vengeance.

You have no evidence that he behaves like that at work. In the unlikely event that he did, the school would deal with it without your help.

Don't kid yourself that you are acting to protect anyone else. The truth is you are hell-bent, for reasons of spite or something else you haven't told us, on destroying a man's career.

You need to closely examine your real motives for continuing with your vexatious complaint over such a minor event.

The school has considered your complaint and dismissed it. Get over it.

Yes, that absolutely isn’t some thing I’d ever do, a silly suggestion. It isn’t about shaming the teacher, it’s about schools taking complaints seriously.

I am with you OP.

I wouldn't be comfortable with this at all.

A lot of the posters are saying it's just a man flirting, however what he said is disgusting and pure filth.

Normal flirting would be something along the lines "I always thought you were cute / hot etc." - something which you can kindly decline but what he said was rather disrespectful as it shows he views women as commodities just to "bend over" a desk.

As another post said, I would write a bad review under the school on Google and detail the schools response.

However, nothing illegal occured so there's is not much the school could have done in terms of sanctions.

Although what occurred is morally wrong so they should have sided with you and assured you that his behaviour was discussed / highlighted as deviant.

@SophEll please read @IdaGlossop 's well informed and sensible post before you contact the school governors. The school cannot legally say anymore to you. If they do then they are undermining their responsibility to a member of staff. You have no evidence to corroborate your claim. You could be making this up.

I am not justifying the behaviour and comments that you say happened, but you didn't report them to the bar staff or call 111. Therefore it is your word against his. The school can do bugger all with that and should not discuss this with you any further.

Thank you, I have found an email for the chair of governors so will be exploring that route first.

It's got nothing to do with them who he chats up in a sleazy club or bar in his spare time. I doubt you was the only woman he chatted up should they complain as well.

Why are you looking at him on Facebook? I've never seen any of my children's teachers on Facebook or any other social media. Weird

For goodness sake. Where did anyone say that?

He didn't threaten her. He said he fancied her and quickly backed off.