Disgusted by school’s response to complaint about pervy teacher

[SophEll]

I had a night out a few weeks ago with a friend. In a bar, we were approached by a man (who had a male friend with him) who started talking to us. He seemed quite drunk, but explained he recognised me from past parents evenings. At this point, I realised who he was - he taught one of my DC at their old school (they’ve since left). Out of nowhere, he said to me ‘I always used to imagine what it would have been like to bend you over that desk’. I was speechless, my friend said ‘excuse me’ and he replied ‘joking obviously’ and we walked off. My friend couldn’t believe what we had heard.

The following Monday, I checked the schools website which confirmed he was still teaching there. I followed the complaints procedure on their website and got a fairly blunt reply which was along the lines of, ‘sorry but as this happened outside of school and at a non school event, we are unable to review your complaint’. I challenged this - said surely it’s of interest to them and again they replied and also said it is outside of the remit for the DfE, and that they’d file any further correspondence from me without responding.

I was furious, as someone like that should not be teaching children in my view. Another friend says they think I can complain straight to Ofsted and they should take it seriously. I’ve also considered writing to my local paper about the schools dismissive response.

My DH thinks I need to drop it and that I’m just stressing myself out by taking it further - he thinks he will just deny the comment and that will be that, but he’ll be suitably embarrassed not to say something like that again.

AIBU to pursue this?

maybe.. on said night out with friends, it was the Op that recognised the male first, started making advances, and there was a flirtatious exchange, however said male then declined OP's advances, and this is what this is about? OP is annoyed, how dare he turn her down and has now gone full physcho... maybe 😀

How do you know he has a partner are you stalking him as well.

Ah yes, complaining about male behaviour must mean I’m a physcho.

Yes but you don't tell the person concerned do you? Or do you?

He made a sleazy comment, as an adult male, to an adult female, who he's only ever known as an adult. He just admitted he fancied you, but in a grim way. There's no crime in an adult man acknowledging he found an adult female sexually attractive, he wasn't teaching you?

Plenty of parents will comment if there's an attractive teacher at their child's school, while it's not very professional this all took place nowhere near his work and your child hasn't been a pupil there for years?

Can you think of any ways to chat up women that don’t involve saying you want to bend them over a desk? Can you? If you think VERY hard?

"Stalking and harassment is when someone repeatedly behaves in a way that makes you feel scared, distressed or threatened. If this unwanted behaviour happens two times or more, it may be a crime and you can report it to us."

So no, what he did is not sexual harassment.

Because you don’t exactly have to try hard to find him on Facebook, and I doubt the person he has his arm around in his photo is his Mum!

The difference is that person could get another job working in another bank even with a black mark against their name. With teaching, that's it – you're out. Do you honestly think this man deserves to lose his entire livelihood over a drunken comment in a bar out of hours, however inappropriate he was?

I cannot quite get my head round your indignation. Being a drunken idiot in their own time does not affect a person's ability to be a good teacher. You cannot conflate what goes on in their private life with how they perform in the classroom. So you might want to ponder that as you sharpen your pitchfork.

Get over yourself. Why are you even out in a bar without your husband if you are so ridiculously precious?

If I take the post I am quoting without your OP, you make it sound like you have been raped! It's property insulting. I am seriously hoping this thread is a wind-up.

A drunk idiot blurted a sleazy chat-up line in a bar, immediately backed off when you didn't join the "banter" and left you alone. That does not even warrant reporting him to the bar or bouncers to kick him off. No unacceptable behaviour making you feel unsafe or wary in that club, just a "yuk" moment at worst.

Planning a harassment campaign, trying to get him fired, planning on reporting him on social media? Are you serious? You are not part of his work environment, no risk of bumping into him in the school.

Yes, tell everybody you know about your "experience", please do.
You might not come across as you think you are though.

So what do you want from this? I can see it has upset you as a comment but you have told the school why isn’t that enough?

the school cannot tell you if he has a warning so that bit will never be done

@SophEll

I find it quite ironic that you are criticising some posters for being OTT with their replies. I think the only one being OTT is you

so you are stalking him!

Errm, that could have serious implications for the OP too...Would it be even legal?

I was responding to the poster who said what he says in drink is what he's thinking sober, which somehow means that having these thought makes him unsuitable to teach.

We need an extra option for “You are not being unreasonable, you are being fucking batshit unhinged”

You need to get a grip.

Sorry what? You're both grown adults, yes? An adult man made a sleazy comment to an adult woman... why should he have nothing to do with children? And why is it of any concern to his employer?
Have it out with him in the moment, call him a pig or whatever you want but that's where it ends I'm afraid.

If you count that as an awful experience - one sleazy remark - you have had a sheltered life.

Yes, when sex crosses my mind I too find myself telling people I'd like to bend them over a desk. Happens all the time. What a laugh we all have.

Yes, I have a hunky postman, some bus drivers, bin men, the man who was putting up a fence for my neighbour. I tell them all how I'd like to 'have them' - as if 😂

It's a stupid chat up line and the op and friend walked away. What's that got to do with Andrew Tate maybe he's looking for a girlfriend. My partner has met loads of teachers and I tell you something they are not all innocent. Maybe he should put in a complaint about them talking about their students outside of school. Which I know is a breach of confidentiality and would be an instant dismissal.

This however is a storm in a tea cup.

OP!! You're stalking him!! Just leave him alone - he made a clumsy pass at you, it's nothing to do with his employer.

If he sexually assaulted you - grabbed you inappropriately etc, then that's one for the police. But a sleazy comment isn't a crime and it's nothing to do with the school

how do you prove you were not just as drunk, or more drunk, than he is, and you didn't initiate the exchange? It wasn't even a conversation.

Again, what do you think the school should do, and why should they take your word against his? Baby reindeer comes to mind

Why are you searching people on Facebook and on their works website in the first place over a sleazy remark to an adult in a bar? You’re behaving weirdly, as if you haven’t got enough going on in your own life you feel the need to find focus on something to control and create drama. Just let it go. Christ almighty. You cannot force the school to do something. Drunk people don’t act in rational ways.

As a former school governor, this is what I would do with your complaint.

1. Thank you for contacting the governors, say I was sorry you felt you had been dealt with rudely, and reiterate that school does not take action on what happens outside school.
2. Share your complaint with the head teacher and take advice from them about what if anything to do next.
3. I would express concern to the head about the 'your word against his' aspect of the case, and the risk to school of being seen to police the out-of -school behaviour of staff ie the teacher telling colleagues and them getting pissed off.

The most that can happen is that the head has a discreet word with the teacher, reporting what you have told the governors and referencing the staff behaviour policy. Whether this would bring about a behaviour change is anyone's guess. What is almost certain is that you, OP, are going to look rather silly, and a bit petty and 'disgusted of Tunbridge Wells'.