Would it bother you if your partner got up later than you?

[bendmeoverbackwards]

Partner 1 has a full time professional job and gets up at 6.30am every weekday.

Partner 2 was a SAHM to 3 dc and now works part time (2 days/week).

P2 loves sleep and sometimes doesn’t get up till 10am on non working days. P2 does all the cooking, laundry and house admin.

If you were P1, would P2’s late getting up bother you?

Actually thinking about it, many here would consider me lazy and DH put upon. I only work part-time but it's nightshifts and DH does the bulk of everything plus his job when I'm working. I know he resents it, but it's the only job I could get that vaguely fits with our family and his job, so I just ignore the digs.

Well yeah, it's a trade off.

I'd quite happily work full time if I always had all my cooking done for me and my laundry, and didn't have to keep on top of life admin.

If in a relationship one partner feels they're contributing more overall, that's a problem. But one partner working more hours is not the only/most important thing.

Also, it's not as if OP isn't contributing financially at all. Doing ALL the cooking and laundry AND working two days a week? I'd say that's a really decent contribution to a household. Like I said, I genuinely would be laughing if I worked full time and never had to do washing or cooking!

How much would there be when the kids are adults?
I am not calling the OP lazy. Just saying that her partner may not be happy with the current arrangement judging by remarks.

If you gave up a career to be a sahm then presumably pay and options would be fairly limited, so if working an extra day or more isn’t going to make much difference to family finances then it would not bother me if I was the other partner in this scenario.

In fact you’d have to wonder what kind of partner would want their other half to work more in this kind of scenario.

Maybe. But I’d bet good money that he wouldn’t pick up 50% of the cooking and housework etc and the OP would still be expected to do the majority.

Money isn’t the only thing that matters In life.

Which couple gets up at the same time every single day off? Surely that's not the norm. Dh gets up early, he always has. He does stuff. I get up later. So? He's off mending stuff doing jobs. I get up cook, clean, do the ironing. No one tells me when to get up I can assure you!

Especially when someone else is earning it so you don't have to 🙄

Both me and DH work full time. In my household, everybody likes their lie ins so no one complains when one gets up at 11 or 12 or 1pm at the weekend... 😂.

Perhaps your DH is resentful because he works long hours and starts early whilst you lie in bed.

I don't think there's a set in stone right or wrong about this. OP asked if this situation would bother us if we were P1, and I think it would bother me a bit. Partners always ought to share the household duties to some degree, and perhaps they would need adjusting if P2 worked more hours. But if she was only working 3 days a week it would seem fair that she did a bit extra. There is no childcare to divvy up in this case, just the cooking and housework.

It will be when he can never retire.
If the op is only working very part time her pension won't be much will it?
Her husband will be getting up at 6.30am forever.
How is that fair?

It would annoy me. I would feel like you should either get a job so I could retire sooner too, or get more happening in life so that you had more purpose. I would find a partner lying in bed for hours each morning unattractive.

It must be a bit draining judging people harshly like this. Probably makes it harder for you to be compassionate for yourself if you ever find yourself struggling.

Not sure why this is in AIBU, but yes it would bother me if P2 was getting up much later than me and only working 2 days a week if I had to go out and work full time to support the family. Is there no reason P2 can’t go back to full time working if DC are grown up, or perhaps you could increase to 3 or 4 days and P1 can drop their hours to balance it out?

Yes. Me too

Numerous studies have shown the health benefits of matching the circadian rhythm. For example it's very healthy for the eyes.
Like I said in my post unless there are specific reasons ie. you need extra rest

I’m assuming when P2 was a SAHP they were up early getting the kids sorted while P1 was out the door for their professional job. So I think they deserve a lie-in now the kids are grown!

Your partner wants you to wake up at 6.30 as a revenge for him having to wake up early?

People are so weird about sleep.

If you go to bed early because you like more sleep, totally OK.

If you prefer to lie in later in the morning to get more sleep, you're a lazy oaf.

If there are any financial issues, that's a separate conversation and unrelated to OP sleeping later on her days off. Presumably her DH was perfectly happy with her sacrificing her career to be a SAHM so he could further his career uninterrupted. Now the DC are grown up, if he's happy to take on 50% of everything then sure, she can return to work full-time.

But if he wants her to carry on doing all the housework, cleaning, cooking, and any other random admin, then he can't complain about her sleeping later when she doesn't HAVE to get up.

It's as if there's some kind of strange moral superiority attached to people who get up earlier and judgement cast on those who don't.

For clarity, I am the one who works in our relationship so I'd be the DH in this scenario. I don't resent my DP at all for being able to sleep/relax more while I'm working. As long as your partner pulls their weight in the ways that you've agreed, it's unbelievably controlling to try and tell them how much they're allowed to sleep!

My husband leave for work before I'm up most days. I often get up and take the kids to school and go back to bed for a bit on my days off. When he comes in from work he sits down whilst I'm cooking/sorting lunches etc. I don't start relaxing till much later in the evening so how I spend my morning is up to me.

Yes, I'd be annoyed if I was P1.
I think both people should get equal amount of rest time. I don't think that housework and laundry (should be laundry of 2 adults because adult children should be doing their own?) would take 3 full days, so it sounds like P2 is getting a lot more rest time than P1, unless they are staying up very late doing housework that means they are sleeping until 10??

I'd love to trade my full time job for two days a week and all the housework - I'd have a heap more free time!! But financially we both want to retire before we are ready to keel over so I'll keep going.

When the DC were little, I get a lie in on Saturdays, DH got one on Sundays. We might still have an occasional lie in at weekends now the dc are grown.

Usually we are up by 7ish at the latest. DH usually brings me tea at 6.30ish.

If I were leaving the house at 7.30am every day whilst dh lounged in bed until 10ish, it would annoy me and I?'d think lazy bastard

I sleep til almost noon every day lol

I don't give af if people think it's lazy. I don't do alarms any more.

I do occasionally work late into the night though, so I suppose that's one thing.

I think that would depend on what is meant by full time, lots of jobs involve very long hours, so I’m doubtful you’d be laughing.