Not to let random parents drive my child on school trip

[Daisysmummyf]

Over the last year or so DD7’s school has arranged trips to a local activity centre for sports festivals, where a selected group of kids are invited to take part. She was invited to the first one which was 9-11 during a school day, about a 15 min drive away on motorway. They sent the letter home 2 days before and asked if any parents could drive their children there. I was free that day so agreed, and when I got to school I was also giving a lift to another child who I didn’t know which I wasn’t expecting, which was fine. I was however surprised they didn’t ask me for anything like my licence or proof of insurance etc, especially to take someone else’s child.

Since then she’s been invited to multiple of these events, all with 1 or 2 days notice and they have all been cancelled the night before as not enough parents are free to give lifts, including myself . Kids have then been devastated as the teachers tell them they are going before they have even got permissions.

Had another letter home on Friday for a trip tomorrow morning, this one is gymnastics so she’s desperate to go but I’m working and can’t take time off at such short notice. Due to the fact they don’t perform any checks on drives I’ve said on the permission slip she can only go if a teacher drives. I now think she probably won’t end up going and I feel so mean. I have emailed the school to express concerns but had no reply.

YABU: I should trust the random parents to drive her
YANBU: I am right to be cautious / annoyed about short notice

I am surprised this is even allowed considering safeguarding rules, unless you're not in the UK.

That said, I have a similar situation with DD's volleyball team - if I want her to go to tournaments I have to let her go in the car with another parent as I can't drive her to them myself. At the beginning I barely knew any of the parents but I had to trust them if I didn't want her to miss out.

This shouldn't be happening this way at all and raises all sorts of flags about safeguarding.
They clearly haven't done a risk assessment or done enhanced DBS checks on all these adults giving lifts.
It's not the driving that's the problem, it's being alone with the kids.
If something were to happen to any of these kids while in these people's care there would be serious consequences for the school.
I would be going to the head with my concerns.

They need to charge money and hire a minibus.

And that’s exactly what I have with all parents in my kids class. Spoken to them all and know where they live. Yes I don’t know if they have a police check or what their favorite ice cream
flavour or childhoddd trauma is. But I don’t see a reason to be any more suspicious of those other parents than any other adults I routinely trust with my kids, such as teachers, after school care staff and volunteer sports coaches.

I would absolutely take my own child, but I don’t think telling us at 3.30 Friday that we need time off by Tuesday 9am is much notice.

But most people don’t have that relationship with the other parents in the class. You’re fine with it because you do. I’m not because I don’t.

I know most of the parents in my daughters class yes, however this trip wasn’t for just our class and I don’t know any parents in the other year. Most parents in our class WhatsApp had already said they were unable to drive so it may have been parents from the other year who I have literally never spoken to.

We parents used to sort it out amongst ourselves, so we were only taking children we knew. In that situation it’s no different than taking your DC’s friends out on a play date.

I am really surprised school allow this, I have assisted on school trips, which involved travelling by coach and being with other teachers at all times. I had to have a full DBS check for that, as should be the case.

I don't work in school, so don't know the legalities of such things but it sounds a massive safeguarding risk. There are so many things wrong with this, no way would my child be tripping off with some random parent.

I am pretty sure OFSTED would have something to say about it too, are they due a visit?

@Putthekettleon73 Arrangements like that made between parents with car seats is fair enough as long as all parties are happy with it 😊 But if be livid if my child had just been given to any random parent.

I know most of the parents of my child’s classmates and as much as they seem like decent people on the surface - I watch some of them drop off 4 year olds with no seatbelts, nevermind car seats 😔 So it’d have to be someone I really trusted and that I knew had safety at the forefront of the mind that I let take my child.
There is also a highly highly recommended childminder here with a waiting list as long as my arm who drives an ancient old car, has kids in wrongly fitting seats and wearing bulky winter coats in their seats and I’ve watched her leave all the kids in the car pulled in at the side of the road, door open and engine running while she went into a shop. And I presume she had all her checks - but i certainly wouldn’t leave my kids with her.

Wouldn’t bother me. Mine are early 20s now and we used to do this all the time when they were at school.

I did it a lot as I had a 7 seater at the time. How is it different from driving a kid to a party or out for dinner on a play date? You don’t know everyone that well under those circumstances either, surely?

Our school do this regarding sports activities. Want parents to drop their kids off at 9.30 to said sports event and pick them back up at 2pm. Same as after school football, come pick them up early and take them to the game. We are the only school locally, and in our academy, that doesn't actually have our own minibus. I'm amazed lots of parents can take the time out of work to do it.
The school is very competitive at sports so I do think it would be beneficial to have use of a minibus. (Thought this was what academies were all about, sharing of resources, but obviously not)
There is no random taking of children though the parents have to arrange it and let the school know if their child is being taken by someone else.

Does anyone genuinely think that a casual chat and an address makes a person safe?

I find it so sad that everyone is assumed to be a danger. I teach my kids to not fear their friends parents. I don't want them walking around thinking that they can't trust anyone their parents haven't got to know. I don't want my children growing up with that mindset. They live in a community, and I want them to reap the benefits of that.

I absolutely don’t teach my daughter to fear her friends parents. But this was about people who I have never even met, potentially parents from another class, taking my child on the motorway without any checks. I do trust the majority of parents in our class, but there was no way of knowing who was going to be taking her.

Thanks everyone for your feedback. This morning a mother who I know offered to take DD, I was happy with this and advised school, who said that she was allocated to go with the deputy head due to my wishes (alongside two other children). She has gone on the trip, hasn’t missed out, and I feel comfortable with the action for today.

I do hope that in future more notice will be given and a more organised system can be put in place.

Just to add, I don’t think all other parents are child abusers or drink drivers, I just don’t like my child going places with people she / I don’t know.

How would you assess their motorway driving though? What checks do you think make a difference? They have a driving license, they have children in their care. The school have regular contact with them. Nobody is 100% safe, not even your own family. Statistically, you child is most at risk around people you do know.

Whether you're explicit about it or not though, your daughter is learning from you that she's not safe with the people who have volunteered to help her have fun.

I don’t know if they have a driving licence actually, that was part of the point. And have I said all this to my daughter? How do you know this? I actually told her I wasn’t sure if she could go because her dad and I were at work.

I do agree with you 100% but I’m intrigued as to how you know there’s “heavy social services involvement?!” Is this what you’ve been told ie: gossip? How else could you know for sure unless the mother told you herself (in which case that would make you pretty two faced).

You don't know that anyone has a driver's license, though. If she went over to her friends house for tea would you ask to see the insurance of the driver taking her home? You don't know that the teacher has insurance or a licence but that's fine? Tbh a teacher is less likely to be insured to drive them because they've likely told their insurance the car is just for commuting to work. Parents don't need anything extra to take the children.

Your daughter knows that other kids have lifts to activities with other parents, she likely knows you don't allow it. Did she not read the permission slip?

I realise your intentions are good but as someone who was abused by a friend’s father whilst on a play date, this ”I teach my children not to fear their friend’s parents…” sent chills down my spine.

Please please don’t teach children to implicitly trust certain adults simply because they’re their friends’ parents. Please……

No she didn’t read it. She read the first part which said gymnastics festival. She wasn’t interested in reading the entire letter…. She’s 7. Previous posters have suggested that some schools have a form to fill in for volunteer drivers with insurance company / driving licence number on etc. I think that would be decent as a baseline check.

What are we going to do otherwise, no play dates? I've made sure they know that if they feel uncomfortable I'll pick them up, but what do you do? Not let them go out with other families?

Trust is the default position, it has to be, unless we're going to entirely stifle our kids.

So you think provided they have a driving license number and the name of an insurance company then they're fine? Does that information go through a police check first?

I'm genuinely curious as to what makes people feel good about this stuff. Because the number of people volunteering to ferry kids around in their own time that don't have a drivers license has got to be incredibly low. I feel quite good about guessing at zero.

I'm sure the school are acting from what they believe are good reasons. It's expensive to hire transport which may put the activities out of reach of some families, and these days a lot of younger staff won't be able to drive a minibus without doing an extra test. It's not like it was in the past when it was included on the standard driving licence so a lot of organisations are short of people who are willing and able to drive a minibus now.
But I think it's a mistake and a potential risk for all concerned.
I agree with the PP who said it's different if parents arrange things themselves. I'm not a teacher but I coach a children's sports club. We don't arrange any kind of car pooling. Either we hire transport if we're going a long way for a big event or it's the parents' responsibility to get their children to and from sessions. If they choose to lift share with other families that's their business. Most of the time that is of course perfectly fine and makes sense, but I can't make that judgement for individual families. We do keep a list of people who the parents authorise to collect their children and we won't release a child to an unauthorised adult at the end of the session, but if Joe's Mum has arranged a lift home with Tom's Dad and has informed us, that's fine. What we won't do is arrange for parents to transport other people's children on behalf of the club.
If parents make transport arrangements with each other for after school activities etc then fair enough, but I think that within school hours or even after school if it's an "official" school sanctioned arrangement then the school has a duty to ensure that anyone who is transporting children alone is suitably qualified, DBS checked and insured at the very least.

Nope. 0% chance I’d let my kids go into a random car. I can’t have my daughter around smokers, I have a lot of feelings about car safety and it’s a big school so I don’t know many of the parents. I’d let them go with specific people so maybe if there was a system to ‘sign up’ for a specific driver but that’s still a bit off to me.

?surely there's a difference between volunteering on, say, a bus trip to a museum (where there's obvs always a teacher present, done that no DBS check), and driving a random child on a motorway. Certainly surprised any school would allow the latter, ny school certainly wouldn't