Not to let random parents drive my child on school trip

[Daisysmummyf]

Over the last year or so DD7’s school has arranged trips to a local activity centre for sports festivals, where a selected group of kids are invited to take part. She was invited to the first one which was 9-11 during a school day, about a 15 min drive away on motorway. They sent the letter home 2 days before and asked if any parents could drive their children there. I was free that day so agreed, and when I got to school I was also giving a lift to another child who I didn’t know which I wasn’t expecting, which was fine. I was however surprised they didn’t ask me for anything like my licence or proof of insurance etc, especially to take someone else’s child.

Since then she’s been invited to multiple of these events, all with 1 or 2 days notice and they have all been cancelled the night before as not enough parents are free to give lifts, including myself . Kids have then been devastated as the teachers tell them they are going before they have even got permissions.

Had another letter home on Friday for a trip tomorrow morning, this one is gymnastics so she’s desperate to go but I’m working and can’t take time off at such short notice. Due to the fact they don’t perform any checks on drives I’ve said on the permission slip she can only go if a teacher drives. I now think she probably won’t end up going and I feel so mean. I have emailed the school to express concerns but had no reply.

YABU: I should trust the random parents to drive her
YANBU: I am right to be cautious / annoyed about short notice

Know their name and face. There isn’t a single one I wouldn’t allow my kids to get a ride from. Maybe I’m just lucky to be surrounded by decent people. Maybe I’m naive. But I don’t want my kids to spend their lives missing out on things due to my fear or teach them to be paranoid as a staring point. Because you know what? The less you allow your kid a bit of freedom, the less ready they’ll be to stand on their own two feet when they have to. And that’s when they’ll really get in trouble. With no parent there to help.

Yes. As would our local vicar who's recently been removed for sexually assaulting a three year old in her car seat when the mother offered him a lift home ( mother got out of the car to get something. He turned around in the front seat and pushed his fingers up the little girls skirt).
There are perverts with DBS checks and perverts without . Opportunity is everything.

I hear you. We had the same request and I did think.... Hmm...

But I couldn't take the time off and mine went with a mum of 5. I thought she would drive safe as her own is in the car and she wouldn't risk her own 5 kids being without a mum.

She was lovely and my child told me how she helped a child who got their period and they all stopped for an ice-cream at McDonald's....

It was a very small group of kids so only 2 cars so no chances of a bus.

The kids did well so they had about 3 trips ( sports) related so in end I was grateful that mum was able to do it.

But .... I don't think teachers are safer. Many teachers have been caught as paedos so I don't hold much faith in that.

As a teacher, I have never driven a child home without another DBS-checked adult in the car.

That isn’t knowing at all. You have no idea about their history or moral code. I “know” by your standard, a lot of people who have turned out to be pedophiles and terrible drivers.

Wow there is no way this should be happening- the safeguarding implications are huge! If we want to drive children as teachers we have to have business insurance on our cars otherwise it would make insurance invalid! Will the parents have car seats?! Many 7 year olds still need a booster?!

And lucky isn’t what you are. The word you’re thinking of is oblivious.

Urgh this app is quoting an original comment I think rather than the one I’m actually quoting.

That would be more my concern,

The driving is obviously not wholly devoid of danger, but are teachers any better drivers than parents? 🤷🏻‍♀️

Yes - I’ve had business insurance on my car for 22 years.

to me that’s enough. Contrary to you I have trust as a starting point and have gone through 45 years like that a living in four countries, two of them very poor, and am just fine. As are my kids. In my experience the most paranoid people are usually the ones who led the most sheltered lives.

I’m not sure it’s paranoid to have your children in a car with a person unknown to you.

At least with teachers they are checked. ( Though not necessarily their driving?)

The first thing taught on the most basic safeguarding training is that “people like us” are capable of committing crimes against children.

My life wasn’t sheltered at all. The exact opposite which is why I’m careful now. Not paranoid, not over the top but I don’t want my primary school aged child getting in a car with someone who I only know the face and name of.

im not talking about weeding out all the weirdos with intense interviews but as a minimum I would want to know where they live and have spoken to them for a short time to get a sense of them.

😬 Why is it always the mums of 5 or more who seem to manage to squeeze this sort of task into their day?

It's such a shame as without parent volunteers at school we would never have had any days or trips away. I was lucky that my mum always volunteered as she worked part time. I would be so sad if people suspected her of having underhand tactics. She just wanted us to have the best experiences.

It’s not that people suspect her of having underhand tactics. More that we are aware people do and without knowing them we have to assume it’s a risk. I’ve no doubt your mum is lovely and people were grateful she was there.

As long as parents don't then complain that kids don't get away. Without our parent helpers no trips would be able to take place..

Your posts make no sense. That was my original point, you can know the parents of the children in some sense as you would have talked with them and know most of the children quite well. The school will have the addresses of the parents. They aren't some randoms off the street.

I don’t assume they are. Any trip my child has been on have been paid for.

You can know the parents to some point but if you don’t then they are Random’s off the street. Just a close enough street that means your kids go to the same school. They need a DBS check and that’s that. Even if they did and I didn’t know them (which would be more than face and name) I still wouldn’t trust them. I’m sorry my posts don’t make sense to you.

Speaking as a Mum of four there seems to be a rule that if you need something done then ask a busy person. I am a master of juggling things around to squeeze it all in.

Most primaries around here do not have a minibus. No school transport available.
We sort it amongst mum's (nearly always mums)

All the kids I take have car seats. I have a spare, then the mum's drop car seats at school for me. It's a palaver but if I dont take and if noone else does, the event can't happen and the kids miss out.

That said, the parents know me and I would only let my son go with a mum I knew and trusted.

Maybe your daughter was the heavy smoker and not the innocent bloke giving her a lift?

Yep. I saw her at a party and asked the same thing. She said she didnt work.....