Not to let random parents drive my child on school trip

[Daisysmummyf]

Over the last year or so DD7’s school has arranged trips to a local activity centre for sports festivals, where a selected group of kids are invited to take part. She was invited to the first one which was 9-11 during a school day, about a 15 min drive away on motorway. They sent the letter home 2 days before and asked if any parents could drive their children there. I was free that day so agreed, and when I got to school I was also giving a lift to another child who I didn’t know which I wasn’t expecting, which was fine. I was however surprised they didn’t ask me for anything like my licence or proof of insurance etc, especially to take someone else’s child.

Since then she’s been invited to multiple of these events, all with 1 or 2 days notice and they have all been cancelled the night before as not enough parents are free to give lifts, including myself . Kids have then been devastated as the teachers tell them they are going before they have even got permissions.

Had another letter home on Friday for a trip tomorrow morning, this one is gymnastics so she’s desperate to go but I’m working and can’t take time off at such short notice. Due to the fact they don’t perform any checks on drives I’ve said on the permission slip she can only go if a teacher drives. I now think she probably won’t end up going and I feel so mean. I have emailed the school to express concerns but had no reply.

YABU: I should trust the random parents to drive her
YANBU: I am right to be cautious / annoyed about short notice

My mind is perfectly clear. The father of my own childhood friend was convicted of nine separate sex offences nine years ago, and is expected to die in prison due to his advanced age and the length of his sentence. I had breakfast every school day at their home before walking to primary school with his daughters.

I’ve worked with children and young people for 25 years and I can’t believe this happens. Never heard of it (& I’ve worked in all sorts of settings and locations).

Other parent could be the same as someone you know. As in you’re more likely to be… insert dastardly behaviour here… by someone you know. My point is that people didn’t know and treated him like some other parent. And I’m not letting my kid do something where I can see a risk just because it’s minimal. It matters enough if it does happen and I’d only blame myself.

However, thats such a small part of it. The biggest issue is that you don’t know how they drive, whether they will buckle two kids together in one seat, if their car is a deathtrap that’s not maintained or legal, if they have insurance at all. Nobody wants to have a crash but it happens.

in my town, a teacher had an affair with a student. Obviously was banned from teaching, being within a school for work or volunteering. Everyone knew him and what he did. Somehow he was found to be volunteering with his primary age kids class for this sort of thing - it was massive news because either the school knew and didn’t care or didn’t bother doing the relevant checks. No one could decide which was worse.

Absolute no from me!! As others have already said - there should be enhanced DBS checks, insurance & license checks etc at a minimum.

Also…car seats?! How are all these kids just jumping in random cars?! Where are the car seats?!

This just isn’t acceptable on so many levels. You may ‘know’ the other parents but what do you really ‘know’ about them? Do you know if they are reckless, suffer from road rage, have a drug habit, have a safe car … the list goes on and on.

The school needs a proper procedure if they are going to offer this. Sort a mini bus, a checked driver and charge transportation costs. Or maybe this is something the PTA can support.

And if they can’t look after their pupils safely and professionally, they shouldn’t be offering the trips.

Nice people with an up to date DBS still drive shite-heap cars with bald tyres.

Today - unrelated to this thread, it occurred to me that more and more were teaching our kids that the world is a dangerous place and that they themselves are fragile and need protection.

instead of insisting on community, humanity and with courage and optimism showing them that the world is wonderful and most people are just fine - of course without being naive - and that we believe they’re resilient and can manage on their own.

and then we wonder why kids have poor mental health.

this thread is a another sad sign of this exact mentality

YANBU - absolutely weird on so many levels. If this was our school I'd have emailed also and wouldn't be happy for my kids to go

DD’s school don’t provide any transport for sports stuff. The parents have to organise it between themselves and we have to inform them if one of the other parents is transporting. I don’t like other people taking her and try to avoid if at all costs.What your school is doing is definitely a safeguarding issue. I’m surprised they’re doing that

I’m not sure what fantasy land you live in. As a working parent, I could recognise the face of most of the parents of my child’s class. I knew some by name and I knew some to speak to.

I've done this quite a few times. The school stopped it when some parents complained, but sometimes there are local events out kids get invited along to but they can't go now.

I wasn't DBS checked, and nobody checked our insurance, and what the school do is send friends with the child, so we rarely took a child who hadn't been over for tea. I thought it was a brilliant idea which saved the school so much money and enabled them to do so much that would have been cost prohibitive otherwise.

The fallout got too much, despite it always being the same parents turning up to help as turn up for everything, (all of us had been in the school volunteering plenty of times) those who couldn't do it we're screaming about us all being child abusers who couldn't be trusted to drive kids around. Because of course if I wanted to kidnap a child I would absolutely make sure I got a car full of them and ensure that the authorities had a list of who was with me.

Most sexual abuse and assault of children is by a parent or stepparent - usually a man but not always.

I also work full time. Yet I know all the parents from
parents meetings and school bazaars etc and the parents WhatsApp group.

Whilst I understand your concern, the cost of a minibus would make the activity prohibitively expensive. I suppose it comes down to whether you want your child to be involved in these

So there you said it. A PARENT. Not someone else’s parent.

There’s far more traffic on the roads than there ever was, we live in much more disjoined communities than we ever did and kids are safer because we do things like use car seats ( and wear safety belts as adults) and try to protect them from predators.

We are more risk aware than ever before and that doesn’t make our children risk adverse, it just makes them safer. And who doesn’t want that?

👏👏👏👏👏 such an amazing parent. Well done. you really can have it all.

id love your definition of “know”.

My youngest sons music teacher is in prison for being a paedophile.
My brothers scout leader was outed a as a kiddy fiddler.
When I was a teen there was a man driving around exposing himself to girls after school.

Two of those would have been DBS checked.

Lol exactly. The fearmongering is so sad. We’ve become so alienated from each other and lost any sense
of community. It’s beyond sad. We trust our kids more alone in their bedrooms on devices where, if anything, they’re much more likely to encounter harm, than out in the real world.

So you know OF there people of the hundreds or thousands of people you’ve met in your life. Go on, barricade your doors. How many people do you know who’ve had serious traffic accidents? Likely more than three. Did you stop driving a car for that reason? You can’t stop living life due to a few bad eggs.

Yes, usually these people only have access to their own children, stepchildren or grandchildren. Unless they volunteer to drive other children unrelated to them on a school trip or give them lifts home. I wouldn’t risk it, OP - my child would be missing out on the trip.

At my dds school (Scotland), we’re not even allowed to help out on school trips without having a full PVG check done. And even at that, it’s only trips where you’re always in a group including teachers (ie no time alone with a child)

it’s not just a car ride I’d be worried about in your scenario.

For those saying 'but they are parents too their children are in the car too' This is known tactic of abusers to gain access to children and build trust.
For example, in the podcast series 'the disappearance of Moira Anderson' the woman talks about how her father, Alex Gartshore, would use her as cover to invite other young girls into the car, they felt safer seeing she was there and knowing that he was a Dad and bus driver. Ultimately he was a child abuser, part of peodphole ring and in 2014, the Scottish Crown Office issued a statement that had he still been alive, Alexander Gartshore would have been indicted for the abduction and murder of Moira Anderson.

Safeguarding red lights all over the place.

As a teacher we were not supposed to give lifts to pupils in our own cars.

If OFSTED were in and heard about this the inspection would likely to be very short (the inspection would not continue) and the school rated as unsatisfactory.