Offended by friend’s comments about party food

[LinsMum22]

We hosted my friend, her husband and three kids yesterday afternoon. Our sons are in the same football team and we said we’d put some food on at ours after and watch the Liverpool match who they both support. My friend agreed to party style food being the best option as everyone could pick at it as and when.

Amongst other things, there was - Indian selection, tempura prawns, sausage rolls, mini pizza’s, mini sausages, chips, breaded chicken. So a good mix all from Iceland where we’ve had positive comments on the food before.

I could tell my friends’ youngest looked unimpressed when they tried one of the items, and pulled a face to my friend. She made no
attempt to get them to try another item and basically said ‘I know’. I noticed five minutes later she had barely ate anything herself either.

15/20 minutes later, the youngest moaned again and this time my friend said ‘don’t worry, we will stop at McDonald’s on the way back as I’m hungry too.’

I text her after they left to say sorry if they didn’t enjoy the food. She replied to say they didn’t realise it would be that sort of food and that they’d have got something else before coming round if they realised!!

AIBU to find this really snobby and ungrateful? The fact she then took the kids to get a McDonald’s makes no sense!!

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g are you serious?

I know, honestly. You'd thing some of these people were being forced to live on this for a year, not a couple of hours.

It's pure one-upmanship. This thread is full of people desperate to show that they never eat this stuff. That their taste buds are so much more refined.

The going to Macdonalds afterwards might have been a sarcastic remark that even MacD is better than what the OP served up.

Either way the OP did what was agreed and friend was ungrateful.

This is a v good point

Vast difference between "I know you don't want to eat it, behave yourself and be polite" and "I know, doesn't it look awful"

It was a football match. If little Tarquin didn’t like the food his mum could have (politely) shot to
McDonalds or ordered via whatever App was needed.
The mum saying ‘I know’ is bang out of order.
What was she expecting? Stuffed vine leaves.
For all sorts of reasons I am the world’s fussiest eater. I’m not rude or ungrateful but friends who know me have a laugh about it.
What’s in Peggy’s lunchbox then? By the way it’s not packed with really healthy or posh stuff.
The child sounds indulged.
Don’t bother asking them again. It’s a shame because the two boys probably had a wonderful afternoon.
Just for reference I went to Liverpool for Uni and stayed. And I support Everton. The last time we needed a buffet for a winning event it was Rolla Cola from the Kwik Save. Thirty years ago!

Yes, I'm perfectly serious. My approach to food is first of all, not to worry about it too much. I'm 63 and my Scottish family's diet when I was growing up would give many of the posters on here absolute conniptions. In spite of this, my Dad lived to 89 and my Mum is still with us at 92.

Secondly, I love fruit and veg and try to eat a good range and plenty of it. If once in a way I have a meal or even a day without, it's not a big deal, because I'll probably have more the next day.

Thirdly, I want to support the UK farming industry so I try to buy British where I can. Our welfare standards for meat are higher than most other countries and I like meat, so want to support that.

Fourthly, I am concerned about the environment so I don't want to buy all that much that has to be airfreighted in, heavily packaged and kept in cold storage. Out of season food is never as good nutritionally or tastewise, anyway.

Fifthly, I like cooking and eating, but I can't always be bothered to cook, and sometimes I just don't have time. I see nothing wrong whatsoever with buying ready-made on those occasions. If that was all we ate, I would be concerned about the nutrition and the plastic waste, but it isn't, so I'm not. The key thing is to eat a reasonably wide range of foods.

The end.

She was rude.

I thought maybe they would find it unhealthy.

But to go to Maccas afterwards makes no sense.

Or a Pride of Britain award.

OP has not mentioned what sort of budget she's on, but you do understand that many people can't afford expensive food, don't you? You have heard of the cost of living crisis?

I think something you’re missing because you’re offended though, is that some people cannot choke down something they don’t like to be polite (I’m one of them. I couldn’t eat what you served if my life depended on it). As an adult, I just wouldn’t be hungry, and would just have a drink. I don’t like pastries, sausage rolls etc.

But children aren’t adults, they’re children. Being hungry isn’t something they can just brush aside endlessly in the name of manners. With your update that the child didn’t like the food at all, I would say it’s more likely she didn’t have dinner in as expected them all to be fed, and was flustered because she now needed to feed him, and quickly - because he needed to be fed.

He doesn't like cooked from frozen food, irrespective of where it’s from. She knew that. She had to feed him somehow and also had to acknowledge his hunger and reassure him he was going to have something to eat.

A flip side would be you could have/should have checked that everyone would eat at least something you were offering - not doing so may be seen as rude. Some of this is perception and intention. The fact she apologised to you and immediately addressed this as soon as she saw you suggests she wasn’t intentionally being rude.

Nor were you being intentionally rude by serving food one of them didn’t like. It’s just one of those things.

It was a few friends to watch football not a huge party! I'm sure OP would know if her friend and kids ate meat or not 😂

@PinkyFlamingo why would you assume that?

Yep, same here (great username, btw).

FWIW, going forwards a solid go to is always pizza! Cheese and pepperoni options, unless anyone has allergies, have never failed us.

Not particularly imaginative, but almost universally appreciated! Your options are more niche, everyone (sane) likes pizza…

She did check, if you look at all her posts. She didn't spell out that the food was coming from Iceland would be cooked from frozen. If that was a dealbreaker for one of the children, the visiting parent should have mentioned it. It would never occur to me to specify that food I was serving up had spent some time in the freezer before making it into the oven.

@Gasp0deTheW0nderD0g my Nan was Scottish. She ate crap and died young. As for farmers? I’m married to one so spare me the lecture

I called it! Knew she wanted M&S 🤣

She had mini pizzas there. Not the same as getting Domino's in, of course, but not a million miles off.

Iceland sausage rolls and Spring Rolls are nicer than Marksies even their goujons are just as good.

I don’t think it’s necessarily the been frozen first that’s the issue, she’s probably oversimplified that. It is more likely the level of UPF involved and how that impacts the taste.

And again, I’m not anti UPF on principle - husband and one child would eat that food, me and other wouldn’t. We wouldn’t like it. The fresh versions do taste different, due to the levels of processing. I wouldn’t eat either but there is certainly a taste disparity.

Unless you are a fussy eater, it won’t make sense to you. If I said this to my husband he would think I’m crazy. But to me, I get what the child means!

The next time she wants a buffet, she can pay for it..from M&S. Sorted.

Absolutely. Good to see us Brits still have that Dunkirk spirit, what? 😆

I'm sorry about your Nan. Fortunately for our family, my grandpa was a gardener, so we always had lots of vegetables because that was what my Mum had grown up with. The women of my family were great soupmakers, using lentils, split peas, barley and so on, so our diet was nothing like as bad as some, but there was an awful lot of saturated fat, salt, white sugar and flour, and not that much fruit, because fruit was expensive in the shops. So much is genetic. And it doesn't change my view that one meal of mostly beige mostly processed food is not the end of the world, and a parent who doesn't teach good manners is doing her/his child a great disservice.

You're right, it doesn't make much sense to me in this case, because the solution was to go to McDonald's on the way home. However, I know food issues are not rational and have a lot to do with emotion and anxiety about the unfamiliar, so I suppose McDonald's might be a safe food for this kid because it's always the same. I had a child like that (he eats anything now, so there is hope). Still rude of the parent not to forewarn and not to explain to her host, though.