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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been rude to shop assistant

471 replies

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:10

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

OP posts:
Calmdownpeople · 28/04/2025 22:31

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 22:12

Thanks for all the replies.

To address some points:

  • I know it’s hard being an independent shop, that’s why I went into one trying to buy something. I support independent businesses as much as I can.
  • Some kids have sticky hands, sure. Mine didn’t (we’d just come from lunch and she’d washed them) so before shouting to a customer across the room to put an item down, perhaps take a look at said child and assess whether they are actually likely to damage the item.
  • A lot of you seem to be really perfect parents. Constantly saying ‘no’, look don’t touch, keeping kids on a tight leash. Fortunately we don't live in the 1920s anymore and I’m going to let my kids have a bit more freedom and actually let them be kids. That means allowing my 4yo to walk a metre ahead of me in a toy shop rather than by.my.side.at.all.times.
  • Seems to me that there is a very clear solution: toy shops that don’t want their toys touched should have a sign up saying so.
  • To the person that said Jellycats aren’t toys and shouldn’t be treated as such, what are you on about 🤣

I posted an AIBU because I genuinely was interested if this no touching rule was commonplace as my local independent toy shop is certainly not like that and happy for kids to enjoy themselves in store.

N.B: No longer monitoring this thread.

Taking your toys and going home. Oh the irony.

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:33

I’d honestly go in laden with Toys R Us bags and say “Big mistake! Huge” 😆

On a serious note YANBU. I feel like I’m coming across increasingly bad customer service and moany businesses. One of my local businesses moans about EVERYTHING on social media including people who take a long time to browse. And in the same breath they wonder why people turn to online shopping.

Roxietrees · 28/04/2025 22:34

@Mumoftwo52 do some people REALLY not let their kids touch toys in shops?! I genuinely didn’t know this and I thought I’d taught my 4 yo pretty good manners lol. She’s constantly picking up soft toys and cuddling them! Really don’t think it’s a big deal, it’s a fucking jellycat, what’s the worst she could possibly do to it?? Oh no, she’s dropped it, it’s broken into a million pieces…oh no wait, it’s a SOFT toy! Geeez the shopkeeper and some of these posters need to get over themselves!

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 22:35

AffableApple · 28/04/2025 22:31

Oh, come on. Of course an 18 month old would pull at everything.

A 4-year-old is allowed to grab a soft toy in a toyshop.

No behavioural problems indicated on either count.

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I didn't say anything about behavioural issues.

Basic manners though... no kids don't get to grab stuff off shelves, regardless of age. You are allowed to be a parent these days.

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:35

AffableApple · 28/04/2025 22:31

Oh, come on. Of course an 18 month old would pull at everything.

A 4-year-old is allowed to grab a soft toy in a toyshop.

No behavioural problems indicated on either count.

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Agreed! Imagine people being horrified because a little 4yo girl picked up a teddy. Get a grip.

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:38

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 22:35

I didn't say anything about behavioural issues.

Basic manners though... no kids don't get to grab stuff off shelves, regardless of age. You are allowed to be a parent these days.

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Well my kids were allowed to browse, including picking things up to have a good look, because I’m not some weird Victorian parent - they’re 11 and 8 now and have brilliant manners, and are both suitably independent, probably because I want some weird control freak over touching things in a shop

Calmdownpeople · 28/04/2025 22:39

Could have been worse…

www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cz6dvdwjpj4o

Serpentstooth · 28/04/2025 22:39

She's obviously a lover of children and has chosen her perfect profession. You aren't the first OP and won't be the last. 6 months to closing down sale.

Shodan · 28/04/2025 22:39

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:35

Agreed! Imagine people being horrified because a little 4yo girl picked up a teddy. Get a grip.

Show quote history

I'm not horrified that a little girl picked up a toy.

I'm horrified that her parent, instead of buying the toy that she claimed she was going to buy her daughter and that her daughter has already picked up and cuddled, decided that giving the shop owner a dressing down was the order of the day.

Children should be taught to look-not-touch, but children aren't robots and will sometimes do their own thing. The poor part of this exchange was that her parent decided to deny her kid the toy and demonstrate bad manners by berating the shop owner.

Having a strop wasn't the right thing to do.

RawBloomers · 28/04/2025 22:40

I understand why a toy shop might not want kids touching toys, to be honest. They can be pretty mucky and really don't have the same awareness of potential damage as adults do. But if shops don't want kids touching toys they shouldn't have them out on open (low!) shelves. The whole point of putting them out on open shelves is to make them appear accessible and attractive. There's a cost to that. If it's not resulting in enough extra sales to cover unintended damage, they need to stop doing it.

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:41

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:56

Tell me you don’t have children without telling me.

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Tell me you can't be arsed to teach your child basic manners without telling me!

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:41

Shodan · 28/04/2025 22:39

I'm not horrified that a little girl picked up a toy.

I'm horrified that her parent, instead of buying the toy that she claimed she was going to buy her daughter and that her daughter has already picked up and cuddled, decided that giving the shop owner a dressing down was the order of the day.

Children should be taught to look-not-touch, but children aren't robots and will sometimes do their own thing. The poor part of this exchange was that her parent decided to deny her kid the toy and demonstrate bad manners by berating the shop owner.

Having a strop wasn't the right thing to do.

Show quote history

The shop assistant was rude, so OP changed her mind and decided to go elsewhere. That’s the consequences of being rude to customers and I’d have done the same. I don’t expect the red carpet rolled out in shops but I DO expected not to be told off like I’m a child myself.

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 22:41

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:38

Well my kids were allowed to browse, including picking things up to have a good look, because I’m not some weird Victorian parent - they’re 11 and 8 now and have brilliant manners, and are both suitably independent, probably because I want some weird control freak over touching things in a shop

Show quote history

I'll be sure to tell my mam that she is a Victorian parent when I see her next weekend. I mean, we call it respectful, but you do you...

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:43

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:41

The shop assistant was rude, so OP changed her mind and decided to go elsewhere. That’s the consequences of being rude to customers and I’d have done the same. I don’t expect the red carpet rolled out in shops but I DO expected not to be told off like I’m a child myself.

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Behave properly in public and you won't get told off. Not rocket science.

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:43

Also @Shodan I don’t think OP deprived her DD of anything?

I do think it’s a show anti-children the world is today - even in a ship for children! And yet if you dare say on MN that dogs shouldn’t be in shops you get torn a new one

Poonu · 28/04/2025 22:44

She was right, you had no intention of purchasing anything

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:45

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:43

Behave properly in public and you won't get told off. Not rocket science.

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Everyone did behave properly. It was a toy shop, a child picked a toy up.

And there’s never any need to tell off an adult. Grow up and have an adult conversation, not throw out an arsey little remark. Being annoyed doesn’t give you carte blanche to talk to people however you like and be surprised when they don’t like it

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:45

OP please do a Daily Fail sad face story. It is a long time to wait for the new school uniform ones in September!

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:46

Poonu · 28/04/2025 22:44

She was right, you had no intention of purchasing anything

Yes I’m sure OP took a 4yo and a toddler into a shop to tease them and buy nothing 🙄

But so what if she didn’t. Browsing is acceptable and should be expected

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:46

JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:45

Everyone did behave properly. It was a toy shop, a child picked a toy up.

And there’s never any need to tell off an adult. Grow up and have an adult conversation, not throw out an arsey little remark. Being annoyed doesn’t give you carte blanche to talk to people however you like and be surprised when they don’t like it

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It is a toy 'shop' not a creche with toys to play with. There is always a need to tell an adult off if they are not behaving properly and this one isn't parenting.

Itisjustmyopinion · 28/04/2025 22:47

The more I read the OPs posts (and several other posters too) the more I am rooting for the shop worker

If that’s what they have to put up with daily then no wonder they call parents out on both their behaviour and their kids.

In fact if I was in the shop at the same time I would probably buy more to say well done for not putting up with the store being treated like a soft play

ItGhoul · 28/04/2025 22:48

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:30

One child is 18 months old. The other is 4. There’s a difference in how they act in public. Why is picking up a soft toy and cuddling it so awful?! If she was swinging it around and dragging it across the floor then I’d of course understand the reaction and apologise. She wasn’t, hence my annoyance.

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Soft toys are the worst thing to let your child pick up, because four-year-olds are sticky, grubby, snotty and spitty and soft toys can’t be wiped clean.

Yes, I’m sure you think your child is pristine and spotless but trust me, she isn’t. I’m sure you make her wash her hands, but kids touch all sorts of things, pick their noses, put their fingers in their mouths etc all the time and that shop owner will have had to chuck out stock before because kids keeping grabbing them.

BankHolidayBonanza · 28/04/2025 22:49

This reply has been deleted

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JandamiHash · 28/04/2025 22:50

whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 22:46

It is a toy 'shop' not a creche with toys to play with. There is always a need to tell an adult off if they are not behaving properly and this one isn't parenting.

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There is NEVER a need to tell adults off, u less you only being a total cock.

Just to clarify: what do you think happens in a shop? Browsing through telekinesis?

CucumberBagel · 28/04/2025 22:50

It’s a toy shop!! Bloody nutters on this thread.