To have been rude to shop assistant

[Mumoftwo52]

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

I can only imagine your reaction was due to your own embarrassment at your child's behaviour...YABU btw

It’s very difficult to run a small independent shop.

People don’t like to say no to their children.

I can understand why the owner behaved like that.

4yos are old enough to know you loo with your eyes not your fingers. Jellycats are expensive. No one wants to buy one that’s been picked up and snuggled before. The poor shop owner was probably sick to the back teeth of it happening.

YABU. You made yourself look a right dick imo.

Idk, I can't go into a toy shop without touching things either! Seems like the toys that can be easily ruined by unclean children's hands should be secured out of their reach, or the shopkeeper should understand that the merchandise will be touched and account for losses in the pricing.

@BankHolidayBonanzathank you but no, that isn’t what I meant!

Ironic how many posters on here who claim to know exactly what makes a well behaved and polite child being so incredibly rude and obnoxious themselves. Since when is a four year old cuddling a stuffed unicorn in a toy shop indicative of lazy and entitled parenting?

Honestly OP most posters seem to come on to give someone a kicking. If you had posted as the shop assistant you would have been told you were awful too.

So you let your daughter cuddle the toy, then didn't buy it but instead got snarky with the shop owner who was just trying to keep their stock clean and saleable?

But the shop owner was in the wrong... I'd say she had the measure of you.

Do you have children? I've not met an 18 month old who knows how to behave in public. It's also very common for children to touch toys in toy shops, some shops have some displayed out of the boxes so children can try them.

Exactly. I find the attitude that children can just do whatever they want strange.

YANBU.
She was rude and clearly not child friendly.

They should put the expensive stock higher up and not shout across the room at customers. However if there were 2 parents and 2 children there was not really any need to allow DD4 to grab toys off the shelf.

1-1 draw.

But surely just an I’m sorry she excited we have come to buy a jellycat to the shop assistant and a brief let’s not touch until we have picked one would be fine?

You need to catch up on the thread...

Thanks for all the replies.

To address some points:

• I know it’s hard being an independent shop, that’s why I went into one trying to buy something. I support independent businesses as much as I can.
• Some kids have sticky hands, sure. Mine didn’t (we’d just come from lunch and she’d washed them) so before shouting to a customer across the room to put an item down, perhaps take a look at said child and assess whether they are actually likely to damage the item.
• A lot of you seem to be really perfect parents. Constantly saying ‘no’, look don’t touch, keeping kids on a tight leash. Fortunately we don't live in the 1920s anymore and I’m going to let my kids have a bit more freedom and actually let them be kids. That means allowing my 4yo to walk a metre ahead of me in a toy shop rather than by.my.side.at.all.times.
• Seems to me that there is a very clear solution: toy shops that don’t want their toys touched should have a sign up saying so.
• To the person that said Jellycats aren’t toys and shouldn’t be treated as such, what are you on about 🤣

I posted an AIBU because I genuinely was interested if this no touching rule was commonplace as my local independent toy shop is certainly not like that and happy for kids to enjoy themselves in store.

N.B: No longer monitoring this thread.

I think it’s really black and white to imply there are two types of children, those who are unruly, badly raised, out of control toy touchers and those that are always under control and do as they’re told and don’t put a foot wrong!!!!

Most children don’t fall into either category all of the time. Children aren’t always predictable.

My child is better mannered than most adults, his manners are impeccable, he can be quite reserved in new places and he’s very tidy and careful. But is he perfect, no!!
Sometimes he runs ahead of me quickly, sometimes he gets over excited and heaven forbid, sometimes he touches things he’s not supposed to.

Parenting is about teaching children the ways of life whilst they make little mistakes.

Jelly cats are ridiculously overpriced and if they are that expensive and precious, then they should be on a higher shelf.

WOW.

I was taught that you look with your eyes, not hands.
Children shouldn’t just pick things up in shops.

Just want to ask those who are saying they've taught their young children to look without touching.... HOW?!?

Idk if my nearly-4yo DD is neurodivergent yet or not (we strongly suspect she has pretty bad ADHD, but child psychologists won't officially assess her til she's 4), but no matter how many times I tell her "don't touch anything!" she does anyway. She's too big for carrying and she won't stay near my side, either. So I'd love to know the secret!!!

Spot on.
The irony in criticising a small child for “bad behaviour and manners” whilst being blatantly rude themselves as grown adults is hilarious.
I think you’re also right about what if she posted as a the shop assistant, I think a lot of mumsnet commenters are just oppositional conversationalists.

Because there were consequences for touching things and I knew when my mum told me ‘no’ that she meant it. If I’d have carried on, I’d have been in trouble.
I am autistic and have always had quite a strong sense of rules and right from wrong.
My brother, however, isn’t autistic, yet he was also very well behaved in shops and didn’t touch things.
Strict parenting? Or just firm and consistent?
No idea but it worked!

Aren’t kids taught not to touch anything in shops these days. We certainly were. If I was a shop owner there is no way I would want young children touching jelly cats. Or any soft toy. They are incredibly expensive!

Completely agree, lots of posters come on and have a go at the OP to let off steam or something. They don’t have reasonable views of how the world and human beings are or how varied real life can be.

That’s exactly what my mum said. I couldn’t remember the phrase!

If they don’t want children to touch the toys they can put them on a higher shelf.

Not sure why you posted really - you are shouting down the 70% who disagree with you.

Oh, come on. Of course an 18 month old would pull at everything.

A 4-year-old is allowed to grab a soft toy in a toyshop.

No behavioural problems indicated on either count.