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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To have been rude to shop assistant

471 replies

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:10

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

OP posts:
HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 11:37

BusMumsHoliday · 28/04/2025 19:37

This was 50/50. There are some shops where customers handle the merchandise (book shops, clothes shops). I would count toy shops in these. I also think that it would make sense to put very high value toys where children can't reach them and that if she didn't wait five seconds until you'd told your child to put it back, then she jumped the gun.

But I think you were unnecessarily rude and confrontational. And if you and DH didn't tell your DD quickly, even if kindly, to put the toy back when she grabbed it, then that was also unreasonable.

Hopefully the shop owner will have learned a lesson- i.e. don't drive customers out of your shop?

Roxietrees · 29/04/2025 11:37

BankHolidayBonanza · 28/04/2025 23:42

what's crazy is that normal parenting is no longer normal.

No wonder we see so many stories of kids destroying arts in museum, breaking and damaging people's property, all in the name of "kids will be kids".

It's "normal" for kids to run wild? I don't know about normal, but sadly not uncommon. Internet is full of photos like this one. But it's the shop's fault for not putting toys out of reach apparently. How dare you trying to teach a 4 year old that not all toys are free for all.

There’s a world of difference between this shit show and letting our kids cuddle a toy in a shop then putting it back where they found it 🤣 Don’t think most “pro touching toys” posters would let their kids pull apart toys and leave them strewn all over the floor for the staff to pick up! Get a grip, the over-dramatics is classic MN outrage at an extremely trivial issue 🙄 get angry at something important

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 11:58

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 19:42

And you can ensure they are not within grabbing distance.

which is what OP did...

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 12:01

faerietales · 28/04/2025 19:51

It's not normal for children to run around and grab stuff off the shelves.

You ask before you can touch.

it is entirely normal

gertrudebiggles · 29/04/2025 12:04

Considering this is your side of the story told by you and you still come off as the unreasonable one... I'm team shop assistant.

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:05

faerietales · 28/04/2025 19:35

Children shouldn't just be allowed to run and grab whatever they like. YABU.

ms Trunchbull over here

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 12:07

MolluscMonday · 28/04/2025 20:02

You need to teach your kids not to touch things in shops unless you’re buying them. It’s someone’s livelihood.

How do you know you want to buy it without inspecting it, be that the firmness of a melon, the fit of a jumper, the cuddliness of a toy?

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 12:09

usererror57 · 28/04/2025 20:05

I have kids and you do sound pretty entitled OP.
the owner wasn’t to know your child wasn’t covered in snot / ice cream / anything else

But given how rude you’ve been to the previous poster I’m getting an impression of the sort of person you are and I doubt you are the sort of person if you had 100% of replies saying you were in the wrong would you accept you were

but they haven;t been...

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:09

keep it out of reach if its so precious. kids touch toys. thats the norm. anyone who thinks we need to restrain kids in toystores needs a day off. the shopkeepers comments were rude. good on you for your response.

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:13

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 11:37

Hopefully the shop owner will have learned a lesson- i.e. don't drive customers out of your shop?

Or learned to drive the right kind of folk out while those who watched it were the ones who would return!

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:14

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 12:01

it is entirely normal

Normal in a non-parenting household!

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:17

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:14

Normal in a non-parenting household!

its the same as lifting a dress off the hanger and inspecting it, seeing how it feels, how it might look worn before buying it. its absolutely normal for a child to pick up a toy and inspect it, see how excited they are about it before committing to it.

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:18

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 12:07

How do you know you want to buy it without inspecting it, be that the firmness of a melon, the fit of a jumper, the cuddliness of a toy?

Knowing what to look for in a melon and which will be sweet etc is about looking at the texture, shape, colour to select one.

Criteria16 · 29/04/2025 12:18

I am with you on this one. Of course we teach our children not to touch things when in a store, but the owner of a toy shop asking a 4 year old not to touch a soft toy probably positioned at her height...well, I think she should consider moving her shop to online! I am not sure I would have said it out loud, but I would certainly not return there.

Brocsacoille · 29/04/2025 12:19

When I buy toys and things I expect them to be clean and in a good state. If every child grabbed, and cuddled toys in a shop they’d end up in a right state; which is why most parents teach their children not to touch.

But then it’s also why I buy most things online now as it is hard to find pristine toys in shops anymore which some child hasn’t damaged.

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:21

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:17

its the same as lifting a dress off the hanger and inspecting it, seeing how it feels, how it might look worn before buying it. its absolutely normal for a child to pick up a toy and inspect it, see how excited they are about it before committing to it.

Edited

So the child was inspecting it to use their spending money on it?

Nope the child looks, gets excited, asks if they can have it and then when they are told yes they can choose the one they want and then pick it up!

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:30

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 12:21

So the child was inspecting it to use their spending money on it?

Nope the child looks, gets excited, asks if they can have it and then when they are told yes they can choose the one they want and then pick it up!

i actually have no idea what point youre making

KilkennyCats · 29/04/2025 12:43

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:30

i actually have no idea what point youre making

Poor you.
It’s perfectly obvious.

Snowinsummer · 29/04/2025 13:07

I’m sorry but I wouldn’t want you in a toy shop if I was a manager & as a customer I also wouldn’t want to buy a plush toy that had been handled by countless children.

WilfredsPies · 29/04/2025 13:10

I know it’s hard being an independent shop, that’s why I went into one trying to buy something. I support independent businesses as much as I can You support small businesses but you refuse to engage with the concept that they have zero margin for writing off grubby or damaged stock?

Some kids have sticky hands, sure. Mine didn’t (we’d just come from lunch and she’d washed them) so before shouting to a customer across the room to put an item down, perhaps take a look at said child and assess whether they are actually likely to damage the item That’s hysterical! Should they be standing at the door demanding to examine hands and faces as children walk in? Or maybe a more hands off approach, like ‘that kid looks respectable, so she can touch the toys, but that kid looks like a right little toe rag and might tear the packaging, so she can’t’? I thought you supported small businesses? How long do you think they’d last if they had a policy like that? I don’t think you’ve thought this through.

A lot of you seem to be really perfect parents. Constantly saying ‘no’, look don’t touch, keeping kids on a tight leash. Fortunately we don't live in the 1920s anymore and I’m going to let my kids have a bit more freedom and actually let them be kids. That means allowing my 4yo to walk a metre ahead of me in a toy shop rather than by.my.side.at.all.times. Why do you think that teaching your children how to behave properly means that you have to be a perfect parent? It’s a fairly basic part of parenting. It goes along with teaching them to say please and thank you, taking turns, not snatching or grabbing etc. All very basic stuff. And if you’re in a busy area, I’d have thought that keeping a four year old (who, let’s face it, are not an age group known for their impulse control) next to you at all times would have more to do with basic safety rather than 1920s style parenting.

Seems to me that there is a very clear solution: toy shops that don’t want their toys touched should have a sign up saying so You want a sign up for everything that should be blatantly obvious? Where should we draw the line with that? ‘Children, please don’t set up a swing ball tournament in the middle of aisle 2’?

To the person that said Jellycats aren’t toys and shouldn’t be treated as such, what are you on about I’m not a collector so I’m with you on that one. But, they’re 60 quid. If you hadn’t been looking to buy one anyway, and she’d got it grubby, would you have been willing to hand over £60 for something that is essentially an overpriced cushion you can cuddle, that won’t even go with your decor?

I posted an AIBU because I genuinely was interested if this no touching rule was commonplace as my local independent toy shop is certainly not like that and happy for kids to enjoy themselves in store Really? You’re sticking with that, are you? Because if you were being honest, and that was really the reason you posted, you’d have seen the responses and said ‘Wow, I’m really surprised. I thought it was commonplace to allow your children to pick up whatever they liked in shops’. Instead, you doubled down. I think you posted because you were feeling like she’d criticised your parenting skills and you wanted validation that you and your DH weren’t at fault and what a terrible and unreasonable person the shop owner was. But she wasn’t. She’s just a small business owner trying to protect her stock from grubby children. She might do it differently from your local shop, but that doesn’t make her wrong. She wasn’t telling you that you and your DH were clearly terrible parents and that SS should be involved. She was just asking you both to help her make sure her stock wasn’t damaged. And nobody on here is accusing either of you of being the world’s worst parents. The way to make sure you don’t have to experience this again is to make sure your DD has it ingrained in her that you look but don’t touch until it’s paid for, unless the shop is specifically inviting her to do so, like Hamleys do with their ‘tester’ toys. You’re doing her a disservice if you don’t do that, because she went in that shop full of excitement and happiness and I expect she left feeling very differently, and not understanding what happened or why.

Vedette89 · 29/04/2025 13:13

YABU for letting your child touch things

YANBU to be annoyed at the shopkeeper saying you obviously weren't going to buy anything. That's rude and I'd wonder what they meant by that!

WilfredsPies · 29/04/2025 13:18

AmethystRuby · 29/04/2025 12:17

its the same as lifting a dress off the hanger and inspecting it, seeing how it feels, how it might look worn before buying it. its absolutely normal for a child to pick up a toy and inspect it, see how excited they are about it before committing to it.

Edited

Although I think you can generally rely on adults not to have sticky fingers, or tear the price tags, or put part of the dress in their mouth, or trail it along the shop floor etc.

Completely agree that it’s normal for a child to want to see a toy up close before they commit to it, but that’s where their adult steps in to show it to them.

user1473878824 · 29/04/2025 13:19

So many threads these days have the most insane responses where it seems that people just want to make weird judgey statements to make the OP feel bad for no actual reason. It's definitely getting more and more noticeable.

Do you have a better day snottily telling someone that an 18 month year old should understand how to politely behave in a shop?

It's bizarre.

KilkennyCats · 29/04/2025 13:27

user1473878824 · 29/04/2025 13:19

So many threads these days have the most insane responses where it seems that people just want to make weird judgey statements to make the OP feel bad for no actual reason. It's definitely getting more and more noticeable.

Do you have a better day snottily telling someone that an 18 month year old should understand how to politely behave in a shop?

It's bizarre.

The child is four, not 18 months.

user1473878824 · 29/04/2025 13:29

KilkennyCats · 29/04/2025 13:27

The child is four, not 18 months.

And the baby OP was holding is 18 months old and a post asked if her children didn't know how to behave in public. But okay I guess you win.