Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have been rude to shop assistant

471 replies

Mumoftwo52 · 28/04/2025 19:10

Family doing some shopping today. Go into an independent toy shop. I’m holding DD1 (18m) so she doesn’t pull everything off shelves, 4yo DD runs ahead and picks up a unicorn Jellycat and cuddles it saying ‘can I get this please mummy?’. Shop assistant shouts across the room ‘can she put that back if you’re not going to buy it as it’s expensive’. Me and DH exchange glances but I tell DD to put it back.

We keep browsing but I say to DH that I don’t really fancy buying anything now, and say quite loudly in front of the second shop assistant (who turns out to be the owner): ‘let’s go and find another toy shop where we’re allowed to touch the toys’. Yes I was being snarky but was annoyed.

She says these toys are expensive, she owns all the stock so if my DD damages it, it costs her money. I say I’d understand that if she had dirty hands, she doesn’t. I wouldn’t let her touch anything if she did. DH says it’s a shame kids aren’t allowed to touch toys in a toy shop, and that she’s lost a potential sale, she says that they've had bad experiences in the past and anyway it was clear we weren’t going to buy anything. I said ‘why do you think that?’ She replied: ‘it just is’. We quickly left.

AIBU for letting my kids touch toys in a toy shop? To be clear, this was a soft toy, not something delicate. My DD was holding it in her arms, nothing more.

OP posts:
whippy1981 · 28/04/2025 23:46

JANEY205 · 28/04/2025 23:45

This is so over the top. There was a ton of shitty parenting and child abuse disguised as ‘strict parenting’ when I was a child. Tell me you don’t currently have young kids because it’s very obvious. It’s funny how often the grandparent generation forget what little kids are actually like and how intolerant of them they are.

Show quote history

Many people don't have a licence to fly either but if they see a plane stuck in a tree they know the pilot fucked up. They don't need a licence to know that!

Hibernating80 · 28/04/2025 23:48

Of course your kids were going to touch the toys. It was fine that you made it clear that her rudeness had affected your buying decision. I wouldn't be surprised if the shop goes under as her response sounds like she might be under financial stress.

BlondiePortz · 28/04/2025 23:48

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 19:18

I was taught ‘you look with your eyes, not with your hands’ when I was small.

I think you and your DH were snooty and rude.

This no we did not let our child touch things unless we were buying it is not a toy library

DressOrSkirt · 28/04/2025 23:49

If an independent shop asked me to be careful with their stock because they'd already had bad experiences, I would feel bad and be really sympathetic to them.

Instead you decided to take it personally, felt offended, and were very rude to them.

Yeah, YABU

BankHolidayBonanza · 28/04/2025 23:49

JANEY205 · 28/04/2025 23:45

This is so over the top. There was a ton of shitty parenting and child abuse disguised as ‘strict parenting’ when I was a child. Tell me you don’t currently have young kids because it’s very obvious. It’s funny how often the grandparent generation forget what little kids are actually like and how intolerant of them they are.

Show quote history

my youngest is 7 years old 😂I am sure my kids will be delighted to know they are being raised by a "grand-parent".

chaosmaker · 28/04/2025 23:50

Sofiewoo · 28/04/2025 20:19

No one needs to assume. The fact that you think an 18 month old is developmentally able to know “how to behave in public” proves the point.
No one with close contact with young children can possibly think this. It’s akin to being shocked that a 5 month old isn’t talking.

Show quote history

The comment was about stopping a child that didn't know how to behave but not stopping the older one that SHOULD know not to touch stuff, if it had been taught properly. Also 2 parents there so 1 per child to stop them grabbing.

Comprehension skills are so low on this site sometimes.

Ottersmith · 28/04/2025 23:54

Yes she was rude. It's expected for kids to be able to pick up toys in a toy shop, otherwise what's the point of a toy shop? You can just buy it online. Toy shops barely exist now for that reason.
The whole 'ill take my money elsewhere' bit doesn't have the sway you think it does. Most people don't give a shit to lose a sale, they aren't going to beg you. People say that to me at work when they are unhappy about something and I couldn't give a shit, because I get paid regardless. I think it makes them sound silly and doesn't make me do what they say at all. So maybe next time just leave and don't bring that up.

BankHolidayBonanza · 29/04/2025 00:00

It's expected for kids to be able to pick up toys in a toy shop

It really isn't.

Dangermoo · 29/04/2025 00:09

If the OP had intended to buy the toy, she would have said that in response to the shop assistant's comment about putting it back if she wasn't going to buy it. Her attitude says it all throughout this thread. Aggressive and bitchy.

Roxietrees · 29/04/2025 00:11

faerietales · 28/04/2025 19:48

Do adults not try on clothes before they buy and often get make-up/perfume on them?

Adults generally don't wipe their snotty hands all over things.

I do….

Roxietrees · 29/04/2025 00:17

Falconfield · 28/04/2025 19:53

I mean to be fair to the shop owner, some parents don't seem to care!

I was out with another parent this weekend and they let their child put their hands down their trousers and scratch their bottom, the mum smelt their child's hands after and then proceeded to ask the child if they needed the toilet whilst also getting them to pick out a sweet of their choice. The child manhandled various other sweets in the process of choosing the one they wanted with the discarded ones left for unsuspecting others to buy.
They then proceeded to look at books, teddies and other things with the child picking up and playing with these things still with shitty fingers.

🤣🤣 this makes me think of when my 4 yo kindly gives me one of his sweets - digs really deep with his grubby little mitts to get the best one, bless him.. but 🤮 then I have to pretend to eat it and bin it when he’s not looking!

BigHeadBertha · 29/04/2025 00:33

Stores put toys at kid level deliberately so kids will play with them, then beg mom and dad to buy them.

If they don't want that to occur, they should put the expensive, easily squeezable, out of the package toys out of toddler reach.

In any case, she "just knew" you weren't going to buy anything? What's she saying, you look too poor to be able to afford a toy? That's highly insulting. I'm with you. She doesn't deserve your business, nor that of any of your friends and family either, after speaking to you like that!

AffableApple · 29/04/2025 01:13

Arlanymor · 28/04/2025 22:35

I didn't say anything about behavioural issues.

Basic manners though... no kids don't get to grab stuff off shelves, regardless of age. You are allowed to be a parent these days.

Edited
Show quote history

Do your kids not know how to behave in public?
Right there.

Grabbing one soft toy which you hope your parents will buy, after they secure your younger sibling and take you in a toyshop.

All suggests good parenting tbh.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 02:13

It's a toy shop. They should anticipate that people will bring their children in with them, and they should keep 'high value items' out of reach.

And shouting at people isn't how you sell you drum up business, nor is speaking contemptuously to them as you're driving them out of the shop with your hostility and rudeness.

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 02:16

BankHolidayBonanza · 29/04/2025 00:00

It's expected for kids to be able to pick up toys in a toy shop

It really isn't.

It really is, and its the time honoured way toy shops sell their goods. If a snotty shop owner doesn't want children touching their precious property they should have it all behind locked glass doors.

yellowstones · 29/04/2025 02:37

I wouldn't allow my child to pick up toys in an independent toy shop but I would allow it in b&m. I just feel that its an unspoken rule that in the former it's not acceptable to do this whereas in the latter it's absolutely ok. Don't you just get a vibe when you step into an independent toy or book shop to be more careful ?! It's always there. Also for some reason I get this vibe in national trust shops or museum shops for example. We might have a quick flick through a book in the nt/museum shops but definitely do not pick up toys.

Greenfinch7 · 29/04/2025 02:54

I ALWAYS touch the Jellycats- they are so soft. I bet all of you do too. (I buy them also- ridiculously overpriced, but such a lovely treat for my daughter that I can't resist.)

MyBirthdayMonth · 29/04/2025 03:18

Sounds like lazy parenting to me. Two adults ought to be able to keep two small children under control.

1AngelicFruitCake · 29/04/2025 05:59

I imagine it was a white unicorn? Dirt shows up really clearly on that. I’d be a bit taken aback but then I wouldn’t have let my child run off in a toy shop st that age.

whippy1981 · 29/04/2025 07:29

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 02:13

It's a toy shop. They should anticipate that people will bring their children in with them, and they should keep 'high value items' out of reach.

And shouting at people isn't how you sell you drum up business, nor is speaking contemptuously to them as you're driving them out of the shop with your hostility and rudeness.

Drive away the dross so the parents who parent can enjoy the experience. Sounds perfect!

Saladleaves17 · 29/04/2025 07:36

I wouldn’t allow my 4 year old to run off in a shop like that and start picking stuff up personally because I think it’s rude. That being said I have also had bad experiences in these small independent little shops that try to sell kids toys and the owners/shop assistants seem to hate children and their very presence. I never buy from them.

We have one locally that doesn’t allow parents with Buggy’s in because they don’t want baby’s/toddlers grabbing things (literally has a sign up at the door), even though the shop is about 70% full of toys aimed at that age. They basically don’t want parents in there, they want grandparents without their grandkids going in to buy birthday or Christmas presents.

Then there’s another that doesn’t allow food or drink so even if you have a bottle of water in your hand/cup holder of a buggy with the lid on they refuse entry which is pathetic.

Dangermoo · 29/04/2025 09:59

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 02:13

It's a toy shop. They should anticipate that people will bring their children in with them, and they should keep 'high value items' out of reach.

And shouting at people isn't how you sell you drum up business, nor is speaking contemptuously to them as you're driving them out of the shop with your hostility and rudeness.

That's all one way traffic in your eyes then.

IsItSnowing · 29/04/2025 10:50

Perhaps the shopkeeper was fed up of parents letting their children run around her store touching the toys. You were rude, and it was unnecessary.

BankHolidayBonanza · 29/04/2025 11:02

mathanxiety · 29/04/2025 02:16

It really is, and its the time honoured way toy shops sell their goods. If a snotty shop owner doesn't want children touching their precious property they should have it all behind locked glass doors.

Show quote history

you are confusing your opinion with facts. Of course it's neither normal nor acceptable to let your children touch toys or books in a store.

It's just rude and lazy parenting.

HamptonPlace · 29/04/2025 11:22

Sirzy · 28/04/2025 19:27

This.

you also shouldn’t be letting your child run off unsupervised until they are old enough to understand that.

Show quote history

doesn't sound like DC was unsupervised?

Swipe left for the next trending thread