Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I'm being blackmailed **TW: contains content about alleged child abuse**

173 replies

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:00

I'm honestly at my wits end here. Someone I've not heard from in 15 years has made contact today out of the blue and is blackmailing me over something I did in the past when I was 16. This could seriously ruin my life and I genuinely don't know what to do

Posting here mainly for traffic

OP posts:
SpoonyRedOtter · 28/04/2025 13:07

What do you mean by blackmail?

It has specific meaning in law.

x2boys · 28/04/2025 13:07

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:02

What they are blackmailing me over was illegal though, that's the issue.

I haven't responded yet and they don't know I've seen the message

What they are doing is also.illegal
Plus you were 16 and they are an adult.

Balloonhearts · 28/04/2025 13:08

Then don't reply. If they don't know you've even seen it, they don't want to play their hand. They want something from you. It's not out of a desire to ruin your life, they just want you to do something. They aren't going to out you and wreck their chance of you cooperating without knowing you've got the message.

It's hard to advise without knowing what it is.

Can they prove it? If not, deny. They're fucking batshit crazy, it never happened and you haven't seen them in years. That's your line. They're making it up to shit stir.

andweallloveclover · 28/04/2025 13:08

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:06

There was a video in the past but it was poor quality given the tech at the time. I'm not sure if he has it

Show quote history

If it was that long ago, even with an old grainy video, it would be difficult for the police to actually prove it was even you on it. And I doubt this person still has the video after all these years.

IAmTheLogLady · 28/04/2025 13:08

Its doubtful that you can pay them off.
They'll just keep on making more and more demands.
You're better off just biting the bullet snd accepting what happened.
How much proof do they have that you did anything?
Surely it their word against yours...

Viviennemary · 28/04/2025 13:08

I would report it to the police. Was it serious like murder or armed robbery? If so then that's a serious matter.

Blackdow · 28/04/2025 13:09

This is anonymous. What did you do? There are very few things you can do at 16 that would be prosecuted now, years later. What did you do? Maybe we can actually reassure you.

Ohnobackagain · 28/04/2025 13:09

Definitely take the power away by telling others first. Also, was the blackmailer involved ie did they do the same thing @Wheretoturnnow12345 ? If so, definitely look to call their bluff. Maybe anonymously ring the police for advice/check citizens’ advice/ask a solicitor?

EmeraldShamrock000 · 28/04/2025 13:09

What is he asking for? money?
Call the police, hopefully they'll raid his home and find the evidence.
If you have committed a serious crime then you'll rightly face the consequences.

Tiswa · 28/04/2025 13:10

nost crimes have a statute of limitation so it is likely not prosecutable now anyway - and you were 16

TimeForTeaAndG · 28/04/2025 13:10

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:05

Thank you, my worry would be then the guy has nothing to lose and may as well drop it

Show quote history

But he wouldn't know you've spoken to the police.

Original poster
Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:10

I'm sorry I'm not being vague on purpose. I'm anonyymised as much as possible here so here goes...

I was drunk one night at 16 and gave a guy who told me he was 16 a hand job. The next day he told me he was 13 really. He threatened me even back then that if i didn't do it again he'd report/tell parents

OP posts:
Peclet · 28/04/2025 13:10

How serious are we talking?

I think you have to talk to the police, either way.

OhHellolittleone · 28/04/2025 13:12

BobbyBiscuits · 28/04/2025 13:07

Is there any proof whatsoever that you did this illegal thing? If it was SA or violent assault or murder then you should own up. If not then call their bluff. Say I don't care what you do and don't know what you're talking about. Then block.

Edited

Who are you to decide which crimes
are the most crimey?

Peclet · 28/04/2025 13:12

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:10

I'm sorry I'm not being vague on purpose. I'm anonyymised as much as possible here so here goes...

I was drunk one night at 16 and gave a guy who told me he was 16 a hand job. The next day he told me he was 13 really. He threatened me even back then that if i didn't do it again he'd report/tell parents

OK, is it the boy who you had relations with who is blackmailing you?

I would say-

OK lets go to the police together and get this sorted out.

Original poster
Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:13

I was petrified though so I did do it once more to him but then he asked me to give him oral too (same night) which shamefully I did. That's what he filmed

OP posts:
AllotmentTime · 28/04/2025 13:13

Do you actually have proof that he is 3 years younger than you? Ie was he definitely lying when he said he was 16 or could the age 13 have been the lie?

DiaryofWimpy · 28/04/2025 13:14

I don’t think you need to worry about that.
Definitely ring the police

x2boys · 28/04/2025 13:14

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:10

I'm sorry I'm not being vague on purpose. I'm anonyymised as much as possible here so here goes...

I was drunk one night at 16 and gave a guy who told me he was 16 a hand job. The next day he told me he was 13 really. He threatened me even back then that if i didn't do it again he'd report/tell parents

Is this the guy blackmailing you?
It would be sexual.contact with a minor and you were 16 and didn't know he was 13
I would deny it tbh,I doubt the police or the C PS would be interested

letsnotIRL · 28/04/2025 13:14

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:13

I was petrified though so I did do it once more to him but then he asked me to give him oral too (same night) which shamefully I did. That's what he filmed

This is hard because forger the ages a second. He coerced you into performing a sexual act, so he abused you. But you were 16 and he 13, so you abused him?
I really don't think the police will do anything with this information?
Is it the man you did this to who is blackmailing you?

ThisWOMANWontWheesht · 28/04/2025 13:15

What the hell he blackmailed you then, too! After first lying to you.

Id be reporting HIM if I were you. The police will not charge you for giving in to blackmail when you were 16.

Cloudyvibes · 28/04/2025 13:15

What is he demanding now? Money? Sex etc?

Original poster
Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:15

x2boys · 28/04/2025 13:14

Is this the guy blackmailing you?
It would be sexual.contact with a minor and you were 16 and didn't know he was 13
I would deny it tbh,I doubt the police or the C PS would be interested

Show quote history

Yes he is

OP posts:
KrackerPolly · 28/04/2025 13:15

If he shares or posts that video anywhere it’s illegal so he’ll be the one in trouble. I’d contact your local police station to get advice.

Anyotherdude · 28/04/2025 13:16

Wheretoturnnow12345 · 28/04/2025 13:10

I'm sorry I'm not being vague on purpose. I'm anonyymised as much as possible here so here goes...

I was drunk one night at 16 and gave a guy who told me he was 16 a hand job. The next day he told me he was 13 really. He threatened me even back then that if i didn't do it again he'd report/tell parents

So he tricked you into doing an illegal act, then used the fact to blackmail you into carry on doing it?
Yeah - tell him you’re going to the Police about his historical blackmail - sounds like he is after more forced sexual “help” from you…