To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

Why have we got to the state that women get so upset if they cannot BF? Who believes this is a failure? The baby industry is rife with judgement and self criticism. All mums should tough it out and believe in what they choose. Not go to baby group because you aren’t BF? Why? Most end up not doing it anyway. Mums should do what works for them. And be confident about it. No one else really cares!

Read this before making goady posts.
FED is best. And women like this poor poster are being made to feel inferior over actually making sure their kid gets food into its gut, regardless of where it comes from.

The effects of smoking and eating UPF are not tiny. The effects of breastfeeding are, even at population level. Vanishingly small.

Having exclusively breastfed my middle 2 kids i much prefer it to formula. I had to combination feeding my oldest and youngest. I don't like doing it because I feel I'm overfeeding my youngest but he has a tongue tie which has taken till he's nearly 2 months old to sort out

You have to tick a box saying it's not as good as breast milk? Wtf?! That's disgusting. I have to combination feeding mine, don't feel guilty and bollox to that box you have to tick

I used to work in a hospital and I feel
its the opposite. I breastfed myself and was lucky enough to be able to do it. I’ve seen mothers coming in to the hospital with low supply and low weight gain in their babies. These mothers are so so upset and guilty when breastfeeding didn’t work out for them. I think it’s awful that mothers are made to feel this way. I feel like there is a certain amount of snobbery around breastfeeding as well in my age group, and that women are seen as less than for using formula.
in older age groups it was the opposite my parents for example are a bit uncomfortable about breastfeeding and formula was fashionable at the time when they had me.

Thank you, this whole thread has sent me into such a spiral this morning. Thanks to all who have shown support xx

Yep. It’s the Hipp Organic website 😢

No you didn’t want to defend anything( as nobody cares) you said in your op you wanted congratulations and to go on about your “effort and achievement” which most people give in spades regardless of what choice they end up with.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK537105/

And what about the impact of hypoglycemia upon newborn babies due to insufficient milk supply?

I suspect (without evidence) that this would be a much greater problem for long-term health.

@ThatBusyPanda
Please don't let BFing get to you.
You are doing a good job.

Being a new mum is tough, but you need to try and let the BF thing go, please enjoy this very short time in your life with your baby, they'll be running around eating crumbs off the floor before you know it. 😂

Fed is Best 👌

This obviously makes me feel awful. But with respect, from the title of the thread you probably could’ve gathered that it would be triggering for you and you didn’t need to use energy engaging.

and this really is my whole point, if you try and even discuss breastfeeding you are made to feel like a dick but at the same time I’m expected to defend continuing past 6 months? It’s like people who BF are expected to absorb the negativity and be confident enough in their decisions to be questioned (but also NEVER discuss it unless questioned!?) to make people who FF more confident about doing so. It doesn’t feel totally fair.

@ThatBusyPanda part of the reason bf is pushed so much is because the WHO need to push it for the sake of developing countries. In those countries it’s very unsafe to use formula due to lack of sanitation. Yes it does have huge health benefits but a lot of those benefits are concentrated into the colostrum in the first couple of days.
before anyone flames me I know it does have benefits but fed is best. I’m pregnant now and won’t feel guilty for using formula if breastfeeding doesn’t work out.

It’s how you’re sharing that is the problem. It’s because you’re saying you worked hard and it’s something to be proud of. A lot of women worked hard but it didn’t come to fruition. There is an air of smugness in how hard you worked and if everyone just worked as hard as you did, it would have worked.

”That sounds really hard. I had a really hard time establishing breastfeeding with my first but I’m fortunate in that it worked out before my mental health crapped out/I’m fortunate that DH had an extended time at home with me to support me/I’m fortunate in that I could pay for a lactation consultant/I’m fortunate because I live really close to a fantastic La Leche League group because now I really enjoy breastfeeding.”

It recognises it was hard but it also reflects that luck was on your side. If someone asks, you can elaborate how it was hard and how you navigated it. If not, don’t. If someone asks why you are still breastfeeding, just say you are enjoying it and not in any desperate need for them to stop. It’s only the first bit that you struggled with because the truth is if you were still struggling 6 months later you would have stopped. You are still breastfeeding because it works for your family. If someone keeps pressing after that, they’re a dick and stop engaging with them.

There is a competitive parenting and martyr vibe to all this. I'm at the toddler phase now and the bad news is no one gives much thought to the formula versus breastfeeding, caesarean versus vaginal delivery etc. Partly as those ships gave long since sailed and it's not that interesting

Where did I say I wanted congratulations? I said I wanted to be able to talk positively about it and be proud of it WHEN it is being discussed. At the moment those discussions are usually because people are asking why I’m bothering to continue!

Why do you want to talk about it? We have all fed our babies so we know about it whether it be formula or bf. It isn’t something to be proud about

Well this is all very dramatic!

@Olive96 maybe it depends on your circle. I know plenty of people who breastfed until 2 years and beyond and no one batted an eyelid. Why do you even care anyway ? If people ask you why you are bothering just give them the reasons why.

Have you read my replies? I’m not bothered about taking about it. But when people ask me why I’m bothering to continue I’d like to feel able to be positive - if doesn’t feel an acceptable thing to do. Like my positivity is at the expense of ff mums

OP if you've come here for validation, congratulations on feeding your baby. Just like every other mother has fed their baby, whether breast or FF.

You’re right, I could have scrolled past but to be honest I’m glad I’ve given you another perspective. You talk about all the effort of breastfeeding as if I didn’t put that in. I didn’t sleep for weeks, I own 5 different pumps, tried everything, hired a lactation consultant and still got nothing more than drops of milk with my baby losing weight in front of my eyes. And still I’m made to feel like I took the easy way out.

Why?

People who try and justify formula feeding their baby likely started out desperately trying to breastfeed and for whatever reason, it didn't work out. They feel guilty and like people don't think they tried hard enough which only gets worse when people start talking about how proud they are of breastfeeding because they tried so hard to make it work.

I formula fed from birth so it's different for me, I never tried and never wanted to try so it isn't emotive for me and I don't have any guilt for formula feeding because it's what I wanted to do.

I’ve breastfed and formula fed and found formula 100x harder. No one actually cares how you feed your child unless you’re literally blending up kfc into their bottle. I found with breastfeeding I found the want to justify why I was breastfeeding to others, when in reality they didn’t care and usually were asking questions out of curiosity not judgement.

For what it’s worth we moved my son onto formula as he had severe allergic reactions when I breastfed which turned out to be to soy and I didn’t want to take the risk with accidentally ingesting it and causing him difficulties