To feel that breastfeeding is undermined?

[Olive96]

I am currently breastfeeding my son. I can’t help but feel that in an effort to reassure formula feeding families, breastfeeding is totally undermined.

for the record, I think it’s totally fine to feed babies however you want but the truth is that I chose to try extremely hard to breastfeed because of all the benefits. People will say things like ‘formula is so good now there’s basically no difference’ etc. are these statements true or just an attempt to justify (which I don’t think is necessary) FF.

I am proud of persevering with breastfeeding - even saying that I feel like I’ll get flamed, but it’s true - it did take a lot of effort and perseverance, it was hard! and I want to be able to say that and be proud of the achievement without being accused of being up myself or out of order.

I’m starting to feel flat about there being no point to it at all

Not sure - maybe 80/20 as a guess! I think people that FF do feel more comfortable asking me why I’m still going - certainly way more comfortable than I feel asking them anything about feeding!

That will likely be because your baby is 6 months and people will be weaning and returning to work

but back up to newborn and it wouldn’t have been 80/20

Okay but I’m talking about breastfeeding now 🤣🤣🤣 why the hell is it relevant what people were doing and saying 6 months ago!? You have no point!

I’m not hell bent on anything

goodness you and your hyperbole

You’re a little weird - and offering nothing to the
thread. I’m gunna disengage 👋🏼

Yes but you are making out that this has been on going and relentless thing!

are you talking about weaning in these baby groups?

Last year, after I had my third DC and they were 6 weeks old, a friend (mother of 2) asked ‘You’re not breastfeeding are you? EWWW!!!’

Ok op

i think that people at these groups don’t really know what to talk to you about.

im sorry you’re feeling so flat about it all (or not flat as you actually clarify)

So how does that help the OP, as she clearly lives somewhere more like me than more like you. She has a problem you didn’t. And you even say that your experience was different because of the high breastfeeding rates! So clearly it was more normalised. OP is struggling in an environment where formula feeding is normalised.

A little - I tend to steer clear of that conversation too tbh. But it’s not something that’s on my radar as much and I guess I’m more confident around my choices with that - hence not raising it as an issue!

8:2 was about my experience too, right from I started attending at 6 weeks.
apart from a BF support group which was about 8 EBF:1 combi fed.

I don’t know why you’re so determined to tell the OP this is all in her head.

Thank you 😅 x

I only care about my family. I made the best decisions for my family as everyone else does for theirs.

I desperately wanted to BF but sadly couldn't.

Firstly, DS was very poorly when born and was in SCBU with hypothermia and sepsis, amongst other issues. We were separated and I sent up the colostrum I had harvested before birth but he also needed formula. As his sodium and glucose levels were off he needed feeding on a strict schedule and I wasn't well enough to harvest/pump more colostrum.

He hardly ever latched and when he did, it was excruciating. I have Epidermolysis Bullosa which causes fragile skin which tears and blisters from minor trauma. My nipples were in pieces and wouldn't heal (when I eventually stopped attempting to BF and pump it took about 3 months for them to heal). It also turned out DS had a tongue tie which was snipped at 5 weeks but the damage was done by then.

We were in hospital over a week and on a strict 3 hour feeding schedule due to DS's illness. I only had a 5 min window to try and latch him before I had to give a bottle of either EBM or formula as he needed feeding to keep him well. He would scream at the breast and refuse to latch. He was so, so sleepy from his illness and antibiotics. For us, formula was medicine. It contributed to saving his life.

I tried everything to establish BF, midwives, HVs, several NCT BF cafes, my local infant feeding team, a private tongue tie/BF counsellor. Nipple shields, silver cups, salt water rinses, lansinoh and vegan nipple cream. None of it worked. He hardly ever latched and when he did, it felt like my nipple was between two shards of glass and one nipple was so damaged I couldn't even offer him that side.

After 4 months of trying I decided to stop. I stopped pumping and moved from combi feeding EBM and formula to fully FF. It was truly the best decision I made. My mental health was in shreds, my PND was dreadful. I had no time to myself- whenever he slept I pumped. As he got older he wanted more playtime and I struggled to pump when DH went back to work when DS was 3 months.

Fortunately my mum's group have been lovely and supportive of everyone and both BF and FF. In the first few months I cried multiple times a day over my 'failure' to BF. In the grips of PND I worried I could never go to baby classes etc as the other mums would hate me for bottle feeding. Thank fuck that wasn't the case.

OP I get what you're saying. My dc is now 20 & when she was born there was little to no support for bf'ing.

I was born in thre 70s when there was a huge drive by formula companies in maternity hospitals to push bottle feeding. My grandmother bf all her children. Only 1 of her children bf theirs. I was a teenager when that aunt her her 1st baby & i distinctly remember all the fuss the rest of the family made (not in a good way) about her decision to bf him.

At family gatherings she'd go to another room etc or have him shrouded in a blanket at the urging of her own sister (my mother inclused) in case anyone saw her breast...

My mother ff me & my siblings & I can't say she was particularly supportive of my decision to bf. I got lots of unencouraging 'see how it goes' and 'your cousin tried that in the hospital, oh desperate hard - made her cry so she was told to put the baby on a bottle' & so on & so on

When dd was born she was 6lbs & a little bit early. I'm sad to say the majority of the nurses were not hugely supportive to helping me (or other new mothers) establish bf. It was all a bit of a hassle for them. Particularly the night staff. One night I was concerned about my supply coming in & whether dd was getting enough at all (we were still at the colostrum stage) & a nurse frightened the life out of me by stating that she'd have to check dd's blood sugars & that i should 'just give her a formula feed to make sure I wasn't starving her'. I was alone, in the middle of the night & vulnerable so she appeared with a carton of premixed formula that they were handing out free in the hospital. I reluctantly gave it to dd.

Next morning a nurse more sympathetic to bf was on duty & when I mentioned that I'd been advised to give the formula overnight, she said 'oh once you're happy to have added that to baby's gut flora' - which also freaked me out! It felt like a minefield because at the end of the day, what's at stake is keeping a tiny newborn alive without knowing what you're doing!

Establishing bf was hard work & my mother (came to stay for about 10 days) was v v nervous about it because you couldn't measure how much milk baby was getting etc etc

Anyway, we kept going & once we hit the 6mth mark it all fell into place & I fed her until she self weaned at 13 months

Once she hit 6 months I started getting the 'why are you still bf'ing' questions & the 'you need to get her off the boob' opinions. The rationale was usually related to getting dh to do more feeds but my personal reality was that my dh was incredibly supportive & looked after me & dd in every way possible which made bf'ing that long possible. He was 100% doing more housework / cooking/ minding me than many of my ff friend's dhs so I had no complaints.

It's a minefield & as I said dd is now 20 & I'm still v proud that I fed her for 13 months & I would have gone longer if she hadn't made up her own mind on the matter!

I got a huge amount of judgement for formula feeding - and the narrative always seemed to be that BF mothers had tried harder, and that it reflected a deficit in me as a mother.

I really could not have worked any harder or put myself through more pain to BF…but it just didn’t work & lead to awful PP depression, because of the emphasis on the importance of BF in the first place. Maybe there has been a shift since then to redress the balance.

Do you want a medal ?

I have been told "give her some formula at night to fill her up more so she sleeps through" so for that reason breastfeeding can be undermined at times like feeding a baby formula is a magic cure to a baby suddenly sleeping through, I'm breastfeeding my 10 month old and that is not the norm where I live so a lot of people put every issue down to the fact I'm breastfeeding which is frustrating at times

You have to accept with parenting that there are at least 10 times as many opinions as there are children. It's tricky, I remember well the FF mums seeming a bit judgy, best thing is to just shut down conversation ("works for us, oh look a squirrel" etc) and only discuss BF with BF mums. One of DD classmates poured out all her BF journey to me just a few months ago, and her son is 7 now, but she had ended up with mainly FF mums around her. It's the same with many things; if your kid is high achieving then only talk with similarly high achieving mums about it, friends who have a child with SEN clearly prefer discussion with other families who also have SEN etc etc. Everyone is busy and tired, try not to expect more of people than they can manage.

But pretty much all health advice is only observable on a population level. Some people can smoke and never get lung cancer. Some people can eat upf every day and still be thin and healthy. That doesn't change the fact that it's good advice not to smoke and not to eat only ultra processed food.

Thank you for sharing - I’m sorry for your experience and pleased you had support. I would’ve also been supportive of you!

I guess this is my point to an extent - sharing my thoughts has triggered a lot of people to share their experiences of not being able to BF - which would be fine if there wasn’t also a lot of people calling me smug, gloaty and self righteous.

I feel like it’s no acceptable for me to share my experience, and that’s what I’m finding hard when I also feel I need to defend continuing!

This post wasn’t meant to “help” the OP. It was a direct response to the “times have changed” comment.

Well… duh.

But the comment you were responding to is about the effects at a population level.

So if you thought breastfeeding was actually better than FF it wouldn't matter what people thought, therefore this shows you wanting people to know your BF more that the benefits (according you you) in the first placr

Or alternatively, if the other mums actually thought ff was better they'd be less triggered by the OP bf hers for longer than 6 months.