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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH night out - aibu

115 replies

Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:34

6pm Sunday evening, kids bath time. DH says " Steves just been in touch. He's back for a few days...are you okay if we go out just for an hour about 7"

Sunday nights are quite precious to me / us as last chance for a peaceful evening before another mad working week. I work full time

Absolutely I say. Go early for an hour then we'll still have time to watch something together later etc

Steve duly arrives and off they go

DH got back 10pm, by which time I was flagging. Our kids are up at 6am so we're generally exhausted by then. He could not understand why I was pissed off

I have said I have no problem at all with them being out all evening it's just about being clear and fair isn't it. Popping out for an hour is not the same as I'm off out all evening . I wouldn't have minded, just be upfront

It sounds so petty now I type it but these are literally our only couple of hours in a day to chill.

OP posts:
StormCloud52 · 28/04/2025 02:36

It’s only three hours. I can’t see the problem.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2025 02:39

Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:34

6pm Sunday evening, kids bath time. DH says " Steves just been in touch. He's back for a few days...are you okay if we go out just for an hour about 7"

Sunday nights are quite precious to me / us as last chance for a peaceful evening before another mad working week. I work full time

Absolutely I say. Go early for an hour then we'll still have time to watch something together later etc

Steve duly arrives and off they go

DH got back 10pm, by which time I was flagging. Our kids are up at 6am so we're generally exhausted by then. He could not understand why I was pissed off

I have said I have no problem at all with them being out all evening it's just about being clear and fair isn't it. Popping out for an hour is not the same as I'm off out all evening . I wouldn't have minded, just be upfront

It sounds so petty now I type it but these are literally our only couple of hours in a day to chill.

Well yes he could have said we are going out for a few hours, but honestly I would have expected it to be longer than an hour if its a couple of friends catching up

Merrygoround8 · 28/04/2025 02:45

When you say back for a few days it sounds like Steve lives away/he doesn’t see him much? Catching up with a friend would take me more than an hour and 10pm is hardly like he’s bowling in at 3am! I think a hour was always ambitious - by the time they’ve gone, ordered a drink, sat down, it’s almost time to head home again!

Why can’t you chill by yourself a couple hours? Bath, film, snacks? He comes home and off to bed if you’re flagging.

Unless some huge backstory - cut him some slack. I would want the same if I was out for just a few hours with a mate and home by 10pm.

winterwarmer8274 · 28/04/2025 02:46

leaving at 7 and home by 10 in not a ‘night out’

Yeah he could have text you but he was probably having a nice time and didn’t think it was a big deal since your only plan was to ‘watch something’

my partner catching up with a friend for a few hours is not something I would get annoyed about!

Lavender14 · 28/04/2025 02:46

sweeneytoddsrazor · 28/04/2025 02:39

Well yes he could have said we are going out for a few hours, but honestly I would have expected it to be longer than an hour if its a couple of friends catching up

Show quote history

I do agree with this. I think the issue here is that you're tired and you were looking forward to that down time and were disappointed you didn't get it. But realistically it was never going to be an hour and I think it was a bit unfair for you to tell him he needed to be back to watch a movie with you when realistically you could have done something for yourself in that time instead if it was a one off.

Eenameenadeeka · 28/04/2025 02:46

I think most people do that though, unintentionally. Like sometimes you're meeting a friend for a coffee but you just keep talking and end up being a few hours. Where is Steve back from? Does he not visit very often? I think 10 is a fine time to be back, and if all you were planning was watching TV it's not a major issue surely.

Original poster
Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:50

Thanks all. At least helps to know iabu!

Absolutely I could have chilled and watched something but in my head I was " they're popping out for an hour I'll get loads of jobs done then we can chill together" .. . clearly it's just me!

He is here every two weeks for a few days, not a long lost brother scenario

OP posts:
peepsypops · 28/04/2025 03:23

Tbh you are lucky in my view to have weekends together! Plenty of us are shift workers or married to shift workers who would love the luxury of that! YABU - Sorry.

Powderblue1 · 28/04/2025 03:31

I think going out for an hour is a universal term and never means an hour. I don’t think your DH was unreasonable to see his friend for a 3 hour catch up. Don’t you enjoy an evening by yourself OP?

coffy11 · 28/04/2025 03:46

You have a right to be annoyed because you were probably waiting for him to come home so you could do something together. If you'd have known he'd be out all evening you could have just got on with doing something by yourself.

Velmy · 28/04/2025 03:51

Double +1 is the rule.

A pint = 3 pints.

Couple of pints = 5 pints.

Etc.

Topseyt123 · 28/04/2025 03:55

I'd say that he should have messaged to let you know, but otherwise he hasn't done anything wrong.

pikkumyy77 · 28/04/2025 04:12

Have a serious talk sometime when you feel calmer abut how precious Sunday night is—its really, in your mind, almost date night. That is perfectly reasonable! You work, are raising kids, life’s pell mell. Be intentional about your time with your dh and as you get ready for the week.

ShineBrighterxx · 28/04/2025 05:20

Think you’re being a big over the top and unfair. If he’s not seen his friend and won’t see them again for a while he shouldn’t feel guilty over a few hours out.

Calamitousness · 28/04/2025 05:26

YABU. Reading your post it is you that says “go for an hour”. That itself is quite awful. I don’t think an adult needs a time limit and you absolutely could have watched something for yourself. I love my husband and I love when he has a night out because I can watch things he’s not interested in. With work on Monday it was never going to be a late night.

BlondiePortz · 28/04/2025 05:26

Brieagain · 28/04/2025 02:50

Thanks all. At least helps to know iabu!

Absolutely I could have chilled and watched something but in my head I was " they're popping out for an hour I'll get loads of jobs done then we can chill together" .. . clearly it's just me!

He is here every two weeks for a few days, not a long lost brother scenario

It was your choice what you did, I would have thought DH was out so I would have relaxed at home myself, if I said I was only go to be an hour that may have been my intention at the time but I would not want my husband clock watching at home so why would it be different the other way around (*taking away the usual MN double standard that is)

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/04/2025 05:34

No that would piss me off - he gets to see the friend every couple of weeks, if he wants to go out for three hours can't he be a fucking adult and say he's going out for three hours? Why pretend it's just an hour?!

When you said 'go early we can watch something later when you get back' why couldn't he have said then 'ah no actually I'll be two or three hours so there won't be time'.

PopThatBench · 28/04/2025 05:38

Velmy · 28/04/2025 03:51

Double +1 is the rule.

A pint = 3 pints.

Couple of pints = 5 pints.

Etc.

Do you listen to Capital radio by any chance? 😂
I was about to comment the exact same thing!

Agix · 28/04/2025 05:50

If someone tells me they'll be out for an hour, I think they'll be out for an hour. Especially of its an evening we usually have plans to spend time together. I'd plan to do my own thing for an hour and then expect them back. I wouldn't start watching a film etc because I'd be waiting until they got back.

He should have at least messaged you. YANBU.

dollyblue01 · 28/04/2025 05:53

I thought you were going to say he rolled in at like 2am , come on a few hours once in a while is a nothing thing, you need to let it go.

SallyWD · 28/04/2025 05:54

He was silly to say he's going out for an hour to catch up with a friend who lives away. No one goes out for an hour!!
You were equally silly to believe it. He stayed out very little time and it's no big deal. I don't think Sunday evenings should be such a big deal. You can do your own thing once in a while rather than expect him to come back early just so you can watch TV together!
If you have to be up so early, why are you on Mumsnet at 3am? Different time zone?

Zanatdy · 28/04/2025 05:54

Given that it sounds like Steve isn’t always about, your DH wanted to catch up with his friend. I’m sure you can manage one precious Sunday evening without him. When someone says to me they will he an hour, I know it won’t be. Unless he does this every evening, you’re being hugely unreasonable and unfair. Very controlling behaviour being angry with someone who went out with a friend, no doubt so he thinks twice about it another time.

BlondiePortz · 28/04/2025 05:56

WiddlinDiddlin · 28/04/2025 05:34

No that would piss me off - he gets to see the friend every couple of weeks, if he wants to go out for three hours can't he be a fucking adult and say he's going out for three hours? Why pretend it's just an hour?!

When you said 'go early we can watch something later when you get back' why couldn't he have said then 'ah no actually I'll be two or three hours so there won't be time'.

Why would he have to say anything surley the OP is grown up enough to get on with her own things and not be sat around waiting for his return?

notsureyetcertain · 28/04/2025 05:58

Yes unreasonable. An hour is nothing of course it would have been a bit longer. You should have chilled on your own. It’s just one night.

CaptainFuture · 28/04/2025 06:02

dollyblue01 · 28/04/2025 05:53

I thought you were going to say he rolled in at like 2am , come on a few hours once in a while is a nothing thing, you need to let it go.

I thought it was going to be 'he's still not home....should I call police?!'