DH night out - aibu

[Brieagain]

6pm Sunday evening, kids bath time. DH says " Steves just been in touch. He's back for a few days...are you okay if we go out just for an hour about 7"

Sunday nights are quite precious to me / us as last chance for a peaceful evening before another mad working week. I work full time

Absolutely I say. Go early for an hour then we'll still have time to watch something together later etc

Steve duly arrives and off they go

DH got back 10pm, by which time I was flagging. Our kids are up at 6am so we're generally exhausted by then. He could not understand why I was pissed off

I have said I have no problem at all with them being out all evening it's just about being clear and fair isn't it. Popping out for an hour is not the same as I'm off out all evening . I wouldn't have minded, just be upfront

It sounds so petty now I type it but these are literally our only couple of hours in a day to chill.

@SallyWD she was looking forward to spend the evening with him after a hectic week and weekend and before starting a new hectic week. That’s valid. He can go out tomorrow. Her needs and wants matter too. It sounds like the conversation was : hey do you mind if I go see Steve? And actually, that particular evening she did mind and that’s ok.

I get it - but I think you need to let this go. Presumably he doesn’t see “Steve” much which warrants a last minute catch up.

If he had said he was going out for the evening would you have kicked off?

I think this is a communication issue. When DH said 1 hour you expected that, when in his head he was an hour or so ( hence the about at the end of the sentence). When you raised it when he got back he felt hard done by as he was only out for a bit, whereas in your head he was late. Neither are unreasonable. Just need to work on how these things are communicated. I know my DH is never just an hour when he says he will be so I tend to ask for a text when he is leaving. He is out for a meal tonight, he has said it won’t be a late one but I know it will be later than whatever time he estimates as he is rubbish at estimating how long things will take.

You’re entitled to be irritated by whatever you like but he hasn’t done anything wrong at all & you are just being petty about it. 3/4 hours with a mate is no time if you’re catching up.

This.
YABU, don’t let it cause any ill feeling between you. I thought when I opened the thread you were going to say he’d stayed out all night and came in wankered at school run time. 10pm/3 hours is nothing.
If my husband gave me a time limit when I was going out with a friend I’d be really upset.

What would your response have been if he had originally said going out a few hours would you have kicked off, moaned at him? If yes this probably explains why he said it would just be an hour....

Totally irrelevant

This is the least outrageous 'hubby has gone out for the night' post I've ever seen.

7pm until 10? Not 3? Not coming home blind drunk? Not knocking loudly and waking everyone up? Not throwing up on the sofa?

I can't believe you'd even think to complain!

He should have let you know it was over running and apologised. In this house we keep our word - where possible - and would send a respectful message if things changed.

I don’t really understand why you didn’t just go to bed if you were flagging? Why did you need to wait up for him to come back?

Well ‘popping out for an hour’ is more like a figure of speech, isn’t it? Someone said up thread That by the time you get to the pub, get seated, chitchat and Order that’s easily 45 minutes of your time already gone.

OP, does he go out all the time? If not, YABVVVVU. If he goes out, let’s say, three times a week - I’d see your point.

He’s done nothing wrong here and married people with children shouldn’t need to feel scared for still wanting to have friends and a social life.

There’s a huge difference between your DH popping out on a Sunday evening to catch up with a friend he doesn’t get the chance to see often and him going out every Saturday night drinking heavily and not turning up until Sunday AM.

You should also be making the effort to maintain your friendships and social life every so often because one day when you’re children are grown and more independent you’ll look around and everyone will have moved on because you dropped them.

Did you really expect him just to go out for an hour though. Surely that was never going to happen and you should have just gone to bed. I honestly do think you are being unreasonable, sorry!

Massively unreasonable. You sound a bit of a nightmare tbh. I expect he said he'd just be an hour because if he'd been honest and said he wanted to go out for a few drinks there would have been an issue.

He’s not a teenager with a curfew - he’s a grown adult who is more than capable of deciding he wants to stay out for a bit longer if he wants to. And let’s be honest - nobody goes out for an impromptu drink and gets back home in an hour anyway!

I would personally feel incredibly stifled if DH wanted me home within a certain amount to sit and watch TV together. Life is about more than sticking to the same routines all the time. They may be comforting to you but they can also end up being limiting and claustrophobic.

Learn to enjoy the peace and quiet of a Sunday night alone - sit in the garden with a book and a drink, have a bath, do a hobby, watch a film, ring a friend - you wasted your own evening, don’t blame that on your DH.

I'm glad I'm not married to you OP. You are being completely unreasonable and controlling.

He really shouldn’t have said an hour if there was let’s face it zero intention of it being an hour.

That’s the issue an expectation was set and then just didn’t matter, people should just be honest with their timings. A couple of hours or a few hours would have been better than an hour then being three hours.

It’s obviously not actually going to just be an hour so I’d have set up my evening assuming I’d watch whatever tv I wanted alone. I thought you were going to say he rocked in at 3am completely wasted. But 10pm, fine. Okay, he probably shouldn’t have stated an hour, but it was unlikely to just be an hour.

Yes, but if he'd said he might not be back for their TV watching together it sounds as though he might not have been allowed to go.

I wouldn’t be bothered about this and would’ve expected it to be longer than an hour. But maybe if he knew you were at home waiting a quick text to say be a bit later than I thought would’ve been nice

I'm surprised at how literally people are taking 'the hour'.

To meet a friend for a drink?

Was it going to be A drink?

Big fuss over nothing and OP get a grip.

Sorry but it sounds petty because it is petty. Catching up with a friend he presumably hasn't seen for quite a while was always going to take longer than one hour. You sound very possessive. Would it have been ok with you if he’d said "I don’t know how long I’ll be" instead? But that would have made no difference to your evening.

I don’t understand why you couldn’t chill out on your own.

This!

his friend was unexpectedly in town

you need to be more flexible, it would have been really resourcing to catch up with old friend

3 hours and still back by 10? Why are you annoyed? Surely kids in bed by then and you can enjoy some peace and quiet on your own? When my partner goes out for the night; he’s gone until the next day! What you describe is a quick drink, not a night out!!