Parents saying sister never visits

[Plottingmyescape]

I live abroad, see my parents every few months.

The last time I saw them they were telling me how they hardly ever see my sister & her Dc’s (older teenagers)
They live very close to one another, a 10 min drive away and only see her on birthdays and at Christmas.
They were upset about this and said they’ve said to her ‘You never visit us’ and her response was ‘You don’t visit me’
They’re in their 70’s now and mum especially gets lonely I think.
It’s made me feel guilty about living abroad and wanting to move back more than ever.

Should I speak to my sister in confidence about it (they asked me not to) or just leave it

No idea why my Ds doesn’t see them more

*Dsis

You could maybe ask your sister why she doesn't see them often, maybe something happened and they aren't aware, but it's not your responsibility to tell her to go more.

Why don't they visit her?

Leave it. Your parents sound manipulative and martyrdom whingy...

Why don't your parents visit your sister.

With respect they are telling the wrong person. You do visit. My mom used to moan to me about my younger brother's shortcomings. I used to say, tell him.not me

Why? They looked genuinely down about it

I wouldn’t ask my DSis outright why she doesn’t see them, but I would ask something like , “how was mum when you last saw her?” - which would be normal for you to ask because you’re abroad therefore reasonable to assume she’s seen her more recently than you …

I expect your Dsis is busy. And did you point out to your mum that it's the same distance from HER house to your sister's as it is the other way round?

My gran used to tell my dad no-one ever visited her. My aunt went in to see her in the morning. My uncle would visit every week. It was her way of maintaining control. So, tread carefully. Maybe ask your sister what's going on

and her response was ‘You don’t visit me’
They’re in their 70’s now

I’m not sure if these two sentences are talking about the same point, but so what if they’re in their 70s? I presume you’d have said if there are any mobility issues.

I’m not sure if they don’t and Dsis just said that, my Dm is quite passive and feels like she’s imposing on her I think. She was telling me how she used to drop into my grandmas (her mum) and take them food shopping and bring flowers and so on. My Dsis isnt like that as a person, so obviously doesn’t do things like that

She is busy as works all weeks, but kids grown now and she doesn’t have a partner. Tbh I do find it quite odd as they live so close by.

I can see them starting to age a bit now

Is your dm a bit of a passive aggressive victim/martyr?
She's happy complaining and waxing lyrical about how awful your dsis is for not being exactly what your dm wants....however this expectations has never been shared with the dsis!!

Dsis used to see them lots when they looked after her Dc’s

My dad is more open and just sort of invites themselves to her house, if he didn’t she wouldn’t invite them

Exactly...and they'll cause a divide by trying to get you to guilt trip your sister. Encourage them to contact her themselves and make plans to meet up.
But you should stay well out of it.

Just leave it, I've learnt that everyone has their own relationship with other people and it's not really anyone's business to interfer unless abuse is suspected.

From your updates it sounds like your mother isn't really interested in seeing your DSIS but having her as a dogsbody!

She wasn’t saying she was awful and was saying she understood as Dsis works etc, I think she’s just a bit upset/hurt by it

Suggest to your Mum that she contacts DS and arranges some thing. It takes two people to maintain a relationship.

That’s fine, but it doesn’t answer the question.

I’m not sure if they don’t and Dsis just said that, my Dm is quite passive and feels like she’s imposing on her I think.

This is a more relevant answer, it seems like your mum just sits back and waits for things to happen without putting any effort into it. That’s a valid way to live. But you don’t get to moan about it.

I did say to them it goes both ways and they should make plans with her.

Do you think they were wrong to tell me/involve me? They’ve never said anything like this before, I honestly think they just miss her and feel a bit hurt

You don't need to speak to your sister. It is her choice not to visit, just as it is your choice to live abroad. All good - neither of you should feel guilty. Ideally, you will just ignore your parents' emotional blackmail.

No not at all, I know that’s not true at all, she needs to push herself to not be worried to make contact though

My mum tells me it's months since she saw youngest DB even when we were both there at the same time the previous week and I know he's done DIY for her a couple of weeks before. I wouldn't necessarily take it at face value.