Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

553 replies

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 14:10

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

OP posts:
PullTheBricksDown · 27/04/2025 17:58

AthWat · 27/04/2025 17:42

I know what you said. What would you think of a man who when they heard a story about a man doing something stupid or objectionable said "Seems to me more likely a woman would do that." He'd be an idiot.

Show quote history

He might be right though. As am I. I know what point you're trying to make and on this
occasion I disagree 😀

HunnyPot · 27/04/2025 17:59

This has to be a reverse or something ?

LIZS · 27/04/2025 18:00

HunnyPot · 27/04/2025 17:59

This has to be a reverse or something ?

I was thinking same. Would op rearrange if it were other way round?

Barrenfieldoffucks · 27/04/2025 18:00

Depends.

What event did he miss previously, and what was the family emergency that your friend needed you so desperately for?

AthWat · 27/04/2025 18:00

PullTheBricksDown · 27/04/2025 17:58

He might be right though. As am I. I know what point you're trying to make and on this
occasion I disagree 😀

Show quote history

You're right, are you? You should have said.

Dontcallmescarface · 27/04/2025 18:01

Barrenfieldoffucks · 27/04/2025 18:00

Depends.

What event did he miss previously, and what was the family emergency that your friend needed you so desperately for?

2 questions that we will never know the answers to it seems.

Pipsquiggle · 27/04/2025 18:02

I think @ThisPearlCritic is getting a bit of a hard time on here.

By the sounds of it, she did state in the planning phase that she couldn't do that weekend (it would've been good to state that in the OP). With any large group trip you often have to go with the least worst option which, unfortunately for OP, is the weekend she can't do.

Sounds like OP's DH's weekend is relatively easier to move than hers.
We don't know the context of why OP made her DH miss his once in a lifetime trip but I am assuming it was monumental.
To use this against her is petty and mean spirited.

OP you need to try to talk this out with your DH.

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:09

Pipsquiggle · 27/04/2025 18:02

I think @ThisPearlCritic is getting a bit of a hard time on here.

By the sounds of it, she did state in the planning phase that she couldn't do that weekend (it would've been good to state that in the OP). With any large group trip you often have to go with the least worst option which, unfortunately for OP, is the weekend she can't do.

Sounds like OP's DH's weekend is relatively easier to move than hers.
We don't know the context of why OP made her DH miss his once in a lifetime trip but I am assuming it was monumental.
To use this against her is petty and mean spirited.

OP you need to try to talk this out with your DH.

If OP is the only one who is affected and it's genuinely the least affected date then OP has to either miss out or find a solution herself which doesn't involve once again messing her husband's plans up for her friends.

It's not petty to say "I've already missed something very important to me because of these people, I will not be causing problems for my family because you've chosen these friends above my plans once again"

BustyLaRoux · 27/04/2025 18:09

Am I the only one struggling to understand why your DH had to cancel his first holiday. Whatever my friend needed support with wouldn’t make me ask that of my partner. I think you were unreasonable then. I can see why your DH isn’t pleased. I don’t think it’s reasonable to ask a group of people to rebook their holiday to suit the wife’s friends. I can imagine he would feel awkward asking them. Surely they’ve booked a campsite and arranged annual leave (apart from retired dad). Why would you think it reasonable to ask them all
to accommodate your friends?

Catsbreakfast · 27/04/2025 18:10

bingobanjo · 27/04/2025 17:01

I don’t think you’re being unreasonable. Your partner and you should both be working to find a workable solution with the most happy outcomes, not point scoring about who has sacrificed the most. If my holiday was moveable as his is, I would move it. Marriage is a team sport, juggling what you can where you can is just good strategy.

His holiday isn’t movable, it’s booked, and so is his family he’s travelling with. The OP’s isn’t.

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:11

Questions I suspect we'll never get answered:

What important trip DH had to cancel despite being booked for years
What crisis the friend had which only OP could assist with at the expense of said trip
Whether DH and his DB have already booked their annual leave

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 27/04/2025 18:11

If I were the OP I would speak to my husband to say that he's right, that he made a concession for me before and actually, I accept that he doesn't need to do it for me again. I would mean it.

It may be that if OP were in any way conciliatory and apologetic for her outburst and unreasonableness, he may think about it again and bend because his wife is no longer being a selfish, unreasonable dick.

katkintreats · 27/04/2025 18:12

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 16:49

I cannot, these are significant birthdays and milestones events for me and my friends. We won’t have that next year.

Show quote history

It doesn’t really matter though does it. Just go next year and have a laugh about celebrating turning 41, or whatever age it is. Happened loads around Covid when everyone’s plans were disrupted. Made no difference at all to the enjoyment of the celebration to have it a few months later.

BankHolidayBonanza · 27/04/2025 18:14

Pipsquiggle · 27/04/2025 18:02

I think @ThisPearlCritic is getting a bit of a hard time on here.

By the sounds of it, she did state in the planning phase that she couldn't do that weekend (it would've been good to state that in the OP). With any large group trip you often have to go with the least worst option which, unfortunately for OP, is the weekend she can't do.

Sounds like OP's DH's weekend is relatively easier to move than hers.
We don't know the context of why OP made her DH miss his once in a lifetime trip but I am assuming it was monumental.
To use this against her is petty and mean spirited.

OP you need to try to talk this out with your DH.

why do you think he's "using it against her"?

Sounds like she's' just expecting him to re-arrange, and he just said "no". Which is the healthy option for anyone treated with no respect.
That is what we would advise any poster on here to do if their partner was so unreasonable.

If you want a favour from someone, telling them that it would not be inconvenient for them to change all their plan and not showing any appreciation for the efforts.. not really helpful.

Planesmistakenforstars · 27/04/2025 18:15

There are so many threads about selfish, entitled pricks of men, maybe you are just trying to even the field by posting this? If this is real then you are in serious cheeky fucker territory. You can't go that week. You and your friends either all arrange to go another week, or you don't go. It really is that easy to not be a total arsehole.

BassesAreBest · 27/04/2025 18:15

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 16:49

I cannot, these are significant birthdays and milestones events for me and my friends. We won’t have that next year.

Show quote history

Yet you were happy to let your husband miss his important event…

You are being completely unreasonable to prioritise your friends to this extent.

InWithPeaceOutWithStress · 27/04/2025 18:15

It was a mistake to make your husband miss the previous event and he’s owed an apology for that.

It also comes across as you being dismissive of his plans as they are only with his family, versus your very special plans as they are with 8 friends, and so obviously superior.

Hdjdb42 · 27/04/2025 18:17

Oh my, you're being massively unreasonable! People have told you so, and you're still challenging them!!! Your poor husband, I feel very sorry for him!

Rowen32 · 27/04/2025 18:17

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 17:30

It was so, so difficult to even get close to arranging a date for everyone. Most dates at least 2-3 had a problem with and this was the most suitable for everyone, and I was the only holdout. I agreed because it was the only way to get everyone to agree

Show quote history

But that's not fair because it doesn't suit you. It's very sad he missed out on that event

Pennyswimsplash · 27/04/2025 18:18

Ah now you’ve said it’s a camping trip with his father and brothers, would expect him to at least speak to them to try and change the date. I understand what it’s like trying to get a large group to agree dates and if this is the only date with just one person having difficulty rather other dates with three or four people are struggling with, it does make sense to ask your husband if he could his back or bring it slightly.

gannett · 27/04/2025 18:18

Pipsquiggle · 27/04/2025 18:02

I think @ThisPearlCritic is getting a bit of a hard time on here.

By the sounds of it, she did state in the planning phase that she couldn't do that weekend (it would've been good to state that in the OP). With any large group trip you often have to go with the least worst option which, unfortunately for OP, is the weekend she can't do.

Sounds like OP's DH's weekend is relatively easier to move than hers.
We don't know the context of why OP made her DH miss his once in a lifetime trip but I am assuming it was monumental.
To use this against her is petty and mean spirited.

OP you need to try to talk this out with your DH.

It's not "relatively easier to move" because it is already booked into the diaries of at least two other people, their families and their jobs. Whereas the OP's holiday is not booked and thus does not need to be rearranged.

I suspect that if the emergency really had been so monumental we'd have the full details of her friend's entire family being wiped out in a freak accident by now, rather than the question being evaded.

GanninHyem · 27/04/2025 18:19

Catsbreakfast · 27/04/2025 18:10

His holiday isn’t movable, it’s booked, and so is his family he’s travelling with. The OP’s isn’t.

Show quote history

Tbh reading OPs last update I think it is booked her end and she just assumed that she could steam roll her husband again, this time taking down FIL and her BILs in the process.

It might be "9 busy career women" but she clearly should not have even considered this weekend. Sounds like OP has FOMO.

Bruisername · 27/04/2025 18:21

I suspect OP won’t be back as this hasn’t gone as she’d hoped!

the biggest mistake here was waiting until April to book a summer trip with that many people

RedToothBrush · 27/04/2025 18:22

ThisPearlCritic · 27/04/2025 17:30

It was so, so difficult to even get close to arranging a date for everyone. Most dates at least 2-3 had a problem with and this was the most suitable for everyone, and I was the only holdout. I agreed because it was the only way to get everyone to agree

Show quote history

Nope the poster that said that it nots often that an update makes an OP sound worse, was spot on the money...

...keep digging.

HuffleMyPuffle · 27/04/2025 18:22

Pennyswimsplash · 27/04/2025 18:18

Ah now you’ve said it’s a camping trip with his father and brothers, would expect him to at least speak to them to try and change the date. I understand what it’s like trying to get a large group to agree dates and if this is the only date with just one person having difficulty rather other dates with three or four people are struggling with, it does make sense to ask your husband if he could his back or bring it slightly.

So not only is the DH less important but so is his family?

They've booked a date. It could be inconvenient for all of them to move it.

I'm sure MN would take a dim view if someone said "my mother, sisters and I booked a spa break months ago. Now one DSis is asking if we can move the date because her DH and his friends want to go away and the only date they can all make is that same week. AIBU to say "no we can't move it for him?" We have already booked annual leave. Also, for context, last year DSis had to cancel going to an event she'd had planned for years because her DH needed her to look after the kids whilst he went to help a friend"