Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

[ThisPearlCritic]

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

So it’s an inconvenient for your friends to change but not his family? Come off it.

"I cannot, these are significant birthdays and milestones events for me and my friends. We won’t have that next year."

By your admission your husband waited years for an event which presumably he won't have again/ next year either.

He put you and your friend first.

Time for you to do the same for him....

You are not available that week. End of story.

And the brothers…?

YABU. And you know it deep down.

Why are you scrambling to arrange this late in the day then? Significant birthdays tend to be known quite a way in advance…

"I cannot, these are significant birthdays and milestones events for me and my friends. We won’t have that next year."
In that case it's a shame you didn't create a bit of goodwill by recognising how important DH's event was to him. If you had, he might have been very happy to rearrange.
You'll have to do it next year, that's all.

Because they’re career women 😂

you have made out that he can change his holiday like the drop of a hat and then drop fed that there are other people involved.

i cannot believe he had to give up a long awaited holiday for a friends family crises. That is wild.

you sound incredibly entitled and very self centred and think your husband deserves some time away!

”You cannot” actually translates to “You won’t!”
YABVU OP, your priorities seem to lie with your social life rather than your marriage.

Silver lining, I bet there were some magnificent engagement and wedding event threads from OP!

Well that’s one interpretation.

The other is he doesn’t want to inconvenience his brothers and father, who planned ahead and booked this trip in favour of a group of women who presumably knew these milestone birthdays were happening, but have left it to the end of April to book for this summer.

Their lack of foresight shouldn’t be his (or his father, brothers and potentially their spouses) problem to resolve.

The more the OP posts the more self centred she sounds.

I've read all your posts OP, I can't see anywhere in there where you've acknowledged that your husband made a concession for you, making it possible for you to take your holiday previously over his. Did you?

Your posts are full of strident entitlement and perhaps that's why he's not willing to make this shift for you again. It's all about you, how you feel about it and how your friends are having big birthdays so it just must happen.

You're right to think about how your marriage will fare. It's not that your request is unreasonable, it's that your attitude (if what you've posted is correct) is awful. Dismissive and controlling with a huge dose of entitlement. I'm not surprised that you're both arguing and snapping at each other. Sort it out.

So actually you are asking three people (and partners, dog sitters whatever) to change plans for you, not just your husband. I think you need to recognise you and your friends change dates this year or you miss out, like your husband did before. Honestly I can’t imagine what event required support from you specifically, enough that your husband missed out. I have a feeling your husband feels 2nd best at the moment.

I'd guess that this group of friends take priority in many aspects of OP's life and it's not just this trip amd the previous "emergency" that are making DH "difficult".

We've only heard OP's verson of events and she still sounds awful.!

I am starting yo get that impression from her posts. Her husband is the sperm donor and wallet while her friends are the real loves of her life.

But we don't know what the friend's emergency was and why only OP out of the nine friends had to be the one to drop everything and rush to help her friend when it meant that her DH had to cancel an important event booked years in advance. I'm pretty sure it wasn't the death of her husband or OP would definitely have mentioned that.

Why don't you just tell your poor husband that he can't ever plan anything because he just needs to follow you around like a lapdog and do nothing for himself, that he will always come second best to your busy career mum friends and that he can't spend time with his family or friends because you will always be the priority in the relationship.

and this maybe the last time your DH and his DB get to spend a holiday together with their dad.

FFS stop whinging and grow up.

Calling it: I think this is a reverse.

Seems more likely to me that a bunch of men would a) think they could wait till April/May to book a big group trip for THIS summer, and b) expect their female partners to change their own arrangements for them when a calendar clash comes to light.

Aw bless. Birthdays! It's well known birthdays trump everything. Will you have cake?

Grow up, ffs.

Have a look at yourself.

Yabu. He has booked something you haven't yet and you demanding he moves his holiday. You are not free that week.

in your opinion

He gave up a much anticipated event/trip so you could help your friend.
And has now rebooked a trip ... that you want him to change ... for your friends.

You need to apologise to him and each go on your own trips that week if it's an option. If it's not, your turn to do the childcare.

The main issue for me is that he has previously had to miss out on something he’d booked a long time before in order for you to support your friend. I wouldn’t have asked my husband to do that. You put your friend above your husband and now you’re doing the same again. He’s pushing back this time. He’s obviously still resentful. I don’t blame him tbh.

I thought that too, but then why not say what the emergency was?

So how many people on the trip and how fo you know it can be moved? I assume at least 3 people will need to rearrange if