Husband won’t rearrange his holiday

[ThisPearlCritic]

My best friend and I had planned a big holiday with 8 of our close friends in the summer to celebrate a number of significant events.

Unfortunately, the only time that is convenient for all of my friends is during the same week that my husband is going away. He could move his holiday forward or backward to accommodate me but has refused, and has become very insistent that he won’t move his dates because he booked his holiday first.

For context, my husband had tickets to very important event, which he has booked years in advanced with his friends, but at the last minute he couldn’t go because my best friend (who I am going on holiday with) had a family emergency and needed my support, and my husband had to remain and look after the children (3 from 3 - 9).

My husband keeps pointing to this and has made it clear it’s my turn to rearrange my holiday. However, he’s effectively asking 9 busy women, with careers and families, to rearrange their summer plans and that’s going to be impossible. I feel he is being intentionally difficult and doing this on purpose, whilst my friend had an unforeseen emergency.

This disagreement has seeped into other areas of my life and we are constantly squabbling and arguing. I am worried where this might lead.
AIBU to ask him to rearrange his leave.

Not really the point though. You agreed to a date with your friends while knowing that your DH was away. In your world you come first and he has to change his plans around you. If your very busy mum friends cannot go another week you will just have to miss out this time. Entitled and selfish comes to mind while reading your thread. Please take a step back and try to look at the situation objectively. Surely you can see that YABU.

So what if his dad is retired and he can camp anytime?

He has booked the week to go with his father and brothers.
You had no problem with it until YOU wanted to do something with your friends,

Not his problem to solve for you.

When you and your friends were looking to agree the dates to go on holiday, did you actually say to them that you couldn't make those dates because your DH already has something planned?
Was there some sort of poll and you all said which dates you could/couldn't make and that particular week was when 9 out of the 10 of you could make and you were the only one that couldn't make that week? Are your friends going ahead and booking the holiday for a week that you have said you are unavailable?

Or did you assume your DH would just change his plans and said to your friends that it was OK to book that week as you will get your DH will rearrange, without actually checking or asking him first?

Either way you are being unreasonable asking him to change his plans, but doubly unreasonable if it is to go on holiday with people that were happy to book a holiday regardless of whether you could make it or not.

Yep, that's exactly what this thread is turning into.

Reading your subsequent posts it doesn't matter what anyone replies as you've clearly decided that you are in the right.

he ALREADY BOOKED IT.

It's irrelevant what he's doing. You are deciding that it's not inconvenient to change all his plans, because you just expect him to do as he's told and you want to swan off on holiday when you feel like it.

You have an horrible attitude with your partner. I salute him for putting his foot down and not accept to be treated like this.

I can't even think of many emergencies with our own kids where my DH or I would cancel tickets booked years! So cancelling for "supporting" your friend? I still can't see why you couldn't support a friend without your husband. Not wanting to bother yourself with your kids is not an excuse frankly.

If these birthdays and milestones are so important then all you career women should have been professional enough to book at a convenient date for all of you and your families before your serfs other family members booked their own holidays. Did you not see these life events coming ?

OP.."AIBU"

MN "Yes, yes you are"

OP "No I'm not and I'll stamp my foot hard until you all change your mind, so there!"

It's not often that an update from an OP actually makes it sound worse than it did originally (when it already sounded quite bad)!

You're being a hugely entitled bitch. Your DH has rearranged for you in the past, now it's your turn. Unless of course you think your needs come before your husbands and your free time, friends and family are more important than his. in which case do what you want, you probably will anyway.

I think the root problem here is your DH's original event that he had to cancel for your friend's emergency. You state that your DH had planned his trip years in advance. I am wondering why you expected your friend's emergency to take precedence in your husband's life over his own long-planned trip. You have a friend group of 8 women, why couldn't another one of them, whose husband did NOT have a long-planned trip, have helped her with her emergency? The impression given is that these friends take precedence over your husband in your life. I'm not surprised your husband is unwilling to bend on another holiday.

YABVU

Why does he need to go anyway? You can go with your friends surely, you say 9 busy women, so he'd be the only man. Can't you just go and have fun with your friends and you could do something with him for your "milestone birthday".

Also I think you were very unreasonable to make him stay at home and look after the children because you had to support your friend with this family emergency. He'd booked tickets years in advance and had planned the event with his friends and then you put a stop to it because of this friend and her emergency. What was the emergency and doesn't she have anyone else (perhaps one of the group of 7 other women going on the current holiday) who could have helped her while your husband went to his event and you also supported her in whatever way you could while being there for your children.

I'm not surprised he's pissed off.

Nor me actually. If there are 9 of you in the group, couldn't someone else have stepped in to help? I can't imagine any friend would ask you to forfeit a glastonbury/world cup final ticket to help them out and no one else would possibly do. Friends understand these things.

Yeah sorry OP, you’re the problem here.

Also - why are busy career women with families only getting around to planning a summer trip in April for “milestone events”? You know when your birthdays are, you could have got dates locked in a year ago.

I am not stamping my foot, I am reading the comments. If this situation was reversed, I’d change my plans for him.

Probably too busy with their vip jobs to take an evening to organising their well deserved holiday!

I'm looking pretty good, thanks 😎I didn't say it had to be, or that no woman would do this, just that it seems more likely the other way around.

But it is reversed. He’s got an event with other people booked. You can change your (not booked yet) plans with other people for him.

You didn't though your friends emergency was more important than his trip !

Yes, you're unreasonable. He made his plans first and they've been in place longer. Should have organised around his plans.

@ThisPearlCritic YABU

It was so, so difficult to even get close to arranging a date for everyone. Most dates at least 2-3 had a problem with and this was the most suitable for everyone, and I was the only holdout. I agreed because it was the only way to get everyone to agree

I can’t believe you actually thought he’d move this again. He booked the week, that’s not available for you. Can you pay a family member to have the kids for you?

I can imagine how the conversation went with her husband 😂