To discuss the societal impacts of older parents?

[Kindersurprising]

I feel like this is a really under-discussed area, particularly as it’s now really extremely common (particularly in middle class circles) to have a first baby after 30 and in many cases 35+.

I feel like in 20 years we are going to see quite a big impact, in adults having fewer (if any) siblings due to parental age, caring for elderly parents while having small children themselves, a lack of grandparent support and I guess a smaller family circle much earlier on. I only realised today that it will be vanishingly rare for kids to have great grandparents soon - my DC have only one, through me.

The positives are often cited as more money, and more life experience.

I was 30 when DC2 was born, so somewhere in the middle and not a young parent as such. I often wonder what it would be like to have had them earlier.

How do you think this will play out in the next 20-50 years?

I think it’s potentially true for older parents as they’re from more middle class backgrounds. You’d have to separate out the confounding factors probably.

I was born in the 60s and only had one grandparent that I knew as a child and she died when I was 18. Lots of generations alive and healthy enough to socialise at once is quite a recent phenomenon, tbh.

I would rather nothing tbh, just imagine, you’d end up going insane like Joaquin Phoenix in ‘Her’

Wowzers!

I had my ds at 38, dh was 42. My mum had me at 18, brother at 22 and my youngest sibling at 35 (yes same Dad for all kids). My ds was 10 when his great granny died and she was 27 when she had my Dad. My MIL was 30 when she had DH so real mix just in our direct circle!

I had my kids at 38 and 40. I got pregnant quickly and bounced back easily. If you’re healthy, 30s isn’t that old.

@SquashedMallow I agree entirely. We're a selfish generation or two. It's all 'me me me and my career' and travel. And there's so much over planning and over thought into every minutiae of planning a family. It's utter overkill. Stable relationship -essential. Own home - pretty much essential. Good enough salary in a secure job -essential. 10 million pound saved up for bamboo toys and Sebastians future neuro science degree, 5 trips to Australia and CEO of Barclays - not essential.

I don't have my own home. I'm not the CEO of Barclays and I think I've only had one foreign holiday in the last decade. So how am I being selfish by not having children?

My DM had me at 24 and died in her mid 40s. I was 33 when I had DS1. He is already older than I was when my DM died - so because of my experiences I don’t think about this at all. Having DC at a young age is no guarantee of a good family outcome

I think it’s potentially true for older parents as they’re from more middle class backgrounds. You’d have to separate out the confounding factors probably.

wealthier areas have longer healthy life expectancies & life expectancy vs poorer areas but i don't think within those areas it's changed much in recent years & who knows re parents.

I don't do pregnancy well, with all my pregnancy u have HG being sick same days up to 50 times. I spent 11 weeks in hospital pregnant with my oldest. 5 weeks with my middle boy and then with my youngest I had severe pelvis disorder walking with crutches at the end as I could have a wheel chair as I was an upstairs flat

Not bitter. I had a career (good enough position) not high up there, but safe. Own mortgage, DH and completed my family by age 27. I progressed to a more specialised role when the children were a wee bit older. We're bikers and have seen some beautiful sites on our motorbikes - cheap accommodation, b&bs, travelled light. Cheap as chips if you want it to be. My DH is a mastermind with frugality and it paid off. You can do some things with children too. I just think some people see children as a "burden" and they don't see that life can happen with and around those dear human beings. Our kids are part of us, they come with us. You don't have to do everything 'exciting' like travelling wild places all before kids and then decide you need to be a martyr to studying Sebastiens every move. Make kids part of your exciting plans ! Travel can be cheap !

There is a very small increase in the likelihood of special needs for children born to older parents. The vast majority however are healthy and do not have additional needs.

@hazelowens I think you are a little out of touch, are your dc grown up?

My GM was born in 1916 and had my mum at 35 due to some infertility and my mum thought she didn’t want kids and at 30 suddenly had the urge but GP lived until 80s.

l have quite a few friends who have lost parents/spouse who had their kids in their 20s very young. So what is right or wrong? I mean 50 plus is probably ridiculous.

does annoy me men don’t lose their ability to procreate.

I'm 31 with an 11mo, and she's the love of my life. So much so, that I wish I'd had her 10 years ago, just so I could have more years with her.

I wouldn’t say it’s the vast majority in any case because something like 1 in 15 children now have high level special needs

I had my two children at age 17 and 42. (I would say that I parent the same so far, maybe a bit lazier now) The main difference for me is that I didn’t have a support network of mums as a teen, although I did have my mum then. There is definitely more judgement towards teen mums than older mums but the only disadvantages of being a young mum is how society views you!

There are two sides to this. My GM had my Mum
when she was 19. This left my Mum in her late 70s looking after my very infirm almost 100 yo GM. This is the downside to young parents - when they are old so are their children and it’s old people looking after old people.

NB: I still have my two grandmas so both my children know their great grandmas!

I think you’ve been fairly offensive to a number of people here OP (those with only children, women who have had children over the age of 30 etc).

I’m in both those groups. I never met my great grandparents because they were killed in the holocaust & I have a disabled sibling that I shall be caring for when my mother is unable to. I was also unable to have a second/third child (which was the dream).

Have I done something wrong? Have I acted in a way that has something punished or hurt society?

does annoy me men don’t lose their ability to procreate.

their sperm quality does decline though, obviously the media doesn't really focus on this. eg older fathers increase autism risk.

I'm 60, very few people I know had great grandparents.

Even if those stats are correct, 14 out of 15 don’t. Also many kids with additional needs are born to young parents and there are other reasons for the increase eg cousin marriage, foetal alcohol syndrome, etc

This is the downside to young parents - when they are old so are their children and it’s old people looking after old people.

My FIL died 4 yrs after his mum.

@Kindersurprising is that 1 in 15 babies born with high level special needs?