Full time job with young kids

[Calica1]

Current situation is I have a 13 month old little boy who I get to spend a lot of time with as I'm lucky to only have to work 2 nights a week in a supermarket for us to get by.

My partner is really keen for me to go back to full time work in order for us to have more money and improve our lives (bigger house and nice holidays)

Our son is going to nursery 2 part days a week just to get some socialisation but honestly I think he hates it and I'm keen to pull him out which is the opposite of what getting a full time job would entail as he would have to go in full time.

In order to go back to work I'd have to retrain for something else as I can't go back to retail management as the hours don't work with 2 parents in retail management and personally I just think my little boy is just too little to be made to go be with strangers all day and barely see his parents.

I appreciate the fact my partner wants to improve our lives and also that he doesn't like our current arrangement of never seeing each other as I work the 2 nights he doesn't but I feel like our son is the priority. I'll also add I'm keen to have a second baby soon which then means putting 2 young kids in nursery just to earn more money.

So am I being unreasonable to say I just want to focus on my kids until they are a lot older and it's okay if we are getting by on my part time wage?

If your happy with the current situation then you don’t need to convince mumsnet you need to convince your poor partner…

I'm full aware lots of people both work full time. My point is more the lack of benefit to me working full time in an entry level job?

If there is only about £50-£100 in income difference by the time that gets eaten up by time off for sickness I just don't see the benefit? Only the detriment to DS

Yes I agree. I've got to convince him about things and find out what our steps are moving forward to make us all happy.

Personally I think if just 2 night shifts a week earns you £900 and you can manage it and don’t have to pay nursery fees, plus you have £400 left after bills then your doing fine.

Calica1

I started the job on 25 plus hour contract but then they started upping it, and I’ve landed at 30 plus hours the last few months I definitely take what I can get, I feel lucky especially as am so close to home etc! Hope it all gets figured out for you and your dh, mine will never understand but we’re not in a good place so it’s as much that x

How are you going to afford to buy your ex out when you are already in debt, you only work 2 night shifts and you plan to do this in 4 years? What if he wants to move out sooner? You have said about the animals are why he doesn't want to sell but if they all die before then and he wants to move sooner, how will you pay him off? What if he doesn't want to move then?
You say you have £400 a month left over, there is still work to be done on the house.
Saving £400 a month even for 4 years will only come to less than £20000, is that what ex wants to pay him off?!

I think there’s not much point in this thread. You have no intention of making anything better, you just wanted some magical way of convincing your partner that this is the life he wants. No one can do that as it sounds grim

The thing you keep forgetting is that you have another 40-50 years to work. So if you have any intention of a life where you can comfortably take care of your family, you should work towards that. Even if it’s not entirely financially sensible today, you need to have some sort of plan. Eventually your partner is going to notice that he’s paying for a mortgage he gets no benefit from, or the house will need some major work you can’t afford, or you’ll have another baby despite the ridiculousness of that - this is going to break down in some way and you have no way to sort it out when it does. It’s so much pressure on your poor partner

Once the debt is gone in 4 year years we will be able to buy him out as my partner and I earn enough to borrow the amount owed on the mortgage plus what we need to buy my ex out.

If all animals die unexpectedly and my ex wanted to move and we couldn't afford to buy him out due to the debt we would sell which would pay off our debts and we could then buy somewhere else or rent for a while.

It is a lot of pressure on my partner and I agree I need to find a way of bringing in some more money. I've got 5 months until it's a option to work more so after all the responses on here I can talk to my partner and we can go through the finances and work out what the best thing to do is

You must have a gold plated punani for these guys to be on board with all of this foolishness.

Ex living with you and new partner and child. DP working full time and not even a ceiling to show for it.

Teach me.

It's called my ex doesn't want to go live in another house share and doesn't want to sell the house and rehome all the animals.

As for DP. We made a decision to be here as it was the thing that made the most financial sense. Is it ideal? Of course not! But it's the situation at the moment and until one of us is in the financial position to buy the other out we are stuck unless ex is willing to sell and rehome 6 animals.

4 years is too long @Calica1…way too long, I would place my bets on your DP losing his cool WAY before then. Sorry…

From the child’s perspective, it was Mum they asked for without exception.

In my DH’s case as a FT teacher, he was given exactly 1 hour for the whole academic year. So he had to clock watch & rush off after 40 mins of Sports Day. This year he will be forced to pick between which of our 2 he can watch, which is bound to cause an upset! 🙀😂 He has colleagues who live too far away to even use that 1 hour, it would be pointless. Hence why loads of teachers are leaving who have young families.

I actually have a good friend on the school run who teaches 3 days a week. She has told me that despite both her DH and both their parents attending school events, it is causing her a great deal of pain as a mother and to her children when she occasionally can’t make things. She has asked for my help as a Governor to plead for as much notice as possible as it is making her so sad (her words). I am doing my best to push for more notice for all parents- all are very keen to rearrange and to attend these things, notice is essential 👌🏻

DP may lose his cool but it will be likely be 3- 4 years even if I'm working full time from September unless I find one of these rare entry level jobs that pay significantly above minimum wage.

But you are quite likely correct and he won't be willing to wait 4 years for things to change.

I get not wanting to give up his animals so I don't think he's selfish at all and he didnt ask to be in this situation or for me to have a baby. I wouldn't particularly want to rehome them all but then I'm lucky that my 2 animals I wouldn't have to rehome.

Come on , a majority of couples have kids . You're acting like it's a complete luxury . If they can afford to live with op working part time why should she move to full time? What's wrong with foregoing holidays and a bigger house for a few years?

My ex can't afford the bills on his own and rent would cost us insanely more than we are paying now.

Honestly if any of us weren't getting along we would leave in a heartbeat. But we all actually get on really well and with the world being as expensive as it is we don't really mind us all being here.

We all know eventually we need to buy him out or he buys us out if he earns more but for now it doesn't cause any harm to any of us. I get for other people it's extremely odd but it works for us all at the moment whilst we all try and get our finances in order.

I think their issue is more to do with my living situation and debt which I understand but these things will improve with time. However personally leaving my son for a full time job is time I am never getting back which is hard to imagine missing out on things.

But I do understand their opinion and point of view.

Then how did he afford the bills when you weren’t living there?

@nottheplanThey can’t afford to live - they’re in a house with no ceilings and sharing with an extra man who could decide to rock the boat at any point, it’s precarious at best. And it really doesn’t matter, her partner doesn’t want to have the brunt of the earning responsibility on his back (quite rightly so in this mental situation, he’s paying for her and her ex’s house). One partner can’t just decide that they don’t want to contribute. If one partner stays at home or go part time, that has to be a joint decision.

He had someone living here with him for a while a racked up a lot of debt as well trying to cover things it was hard. The mortgage also changed interest rates when we moved in so that increased the mortgage a large amount.

You are correct my partner finds it hard to have the brunt of the earning responsibility however the task for me is helping him to understand he is going to have the brunt of the earning responsibility whether I'm earning £900 working 2 days or £1600 working 5 days and then paying for childcare and a vehicle.

We have then got to work together to find a solution that works for us and makes us both happy as yes I have been selfish and have only been thinking of me and ds. It doesn't mean we are going to be able to find a solution that makes DP happy but we at least need to sit down and discuss options.

All worst case scenarios and a completely pessimistic viewpoint you have. I bet you are afraid to go outside your front door. The dc will only be young temporarily, there's plenty of time to resolve the renovation issues.