To feel lied to about the menopause

[Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged]

I’m struggling hideously, cry at the drop of a hat and want to scream with frustration.

Why does no one tell you this.

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease. And cease it did, brilliant. But then. The past three years have been the worse years of my life.

I tried HRT and it didn’t seem to help, it made me irritable and experience anxiety that was difficult for me to cope with. That was a year ago. I’m now in the same place. Someone please tell me it gets better.

I don't think this is the case, I went into full surgical menopause overnight due to cancer surgery, it's been horrific and several years in I know if I've forgotten my HRT.

This is basically what I have been told by both my GP and also a menopause gynae specialist at my local hospital, I also have endometriosis and adenomyosis so under that department already. Once they knew my mum has breast cancer they advised me to stay away from hrt and suggested Venlafaxine.
I am literally going insane with symptoms both physically and emotionally.

Yes ok fair point. I suppose what I am referring to is my mum's stories about women of my grandmother's generation, and all the women before her. How much they suffered when there was no treatment or it wasn't so commonly available. Also for women who had undergone hysterectomies that meant their hormones fell off a cliff and they would often develop symptoms that made them look and feel more like men than women. That must have been awfully hard to deal with.

I'm not confused. I don't see anything confusing. Seems pretty bloody obvious that we're all different and, just like puberty and periods and pregnancy and birth, we're all going to have different experts.

What kind of idiot thought we'd all have the same experience of menopause?

Debunked by who? Our cycles if not artificially altered will naturally be in rhythm with the moon for a healthy woman. Hence you get those who menstruate with full moon and ovulate with new moon, or vice versa. We are mostly made of water and just like the moon effects the tide, it’s also affects our cycle. This phenomenon is how many women end up being “in sync” which eachother, though it’s really just being in sync with nature. I’ve observed this through the last 10 years, I could care less what some scienctist says.

That's absolutely pure bollocks.

"Sorry, but my sympathy gene has temporarily left the building."

No it hasn't, this is a side effect of menopause along with not giving a , and one I quite enjoy 😂

Other than the Osteoporosis, I hope you are doing well now.

"I bloody love menopause; my HRT"

But you clearly had symptoms if you need HRT. I don't really understand why you love it.

Incontinence & wanting to pee all the time
chronic uti ( like cystitis )
external thrush like symptoms
painful sex
paper cut tears
dryness and tightness
itchiness
are all symptoms of peri / menopause mainly due to lack of estrogen which causes VA and the above symptoms

along with the usual symptoms of hot flushes rage weight increase insomnia

Pure and unadulterated 😊

You need to get estrogen cream for all of this.

Edit to add: well not the rage, flushes, insomnia, weight gain...

Ah OK, so what has changed? The nurturing hormone or something like that?

I remember clear as day being told at school that one day when you’re about 50 your periods will stop. Fantastic I thought one day this hell of monthly inconvenience will cease.

But surely @Someonelookedatmypostinghistorysoichanged somewhere between a lesson at school when you were 14 or whatever, and now, you experienced friends who were menopausal?

I never watched 'Davina' etc as I was already years into using HRT, but for some time no one's been able to escape the stuff about menopause.

Davina, Louise Newson, Mariella Frostrup, Kirsty Wark (on HRT after 60 for the first time), Carol Vorderman, Sophie (Duchess of Edinburgh) - they've all talked openly about menopause.

For a LOT of women, the worst of menopause is not before periods stop, but the years afterwards. We live for 30-40 years beyond menopause now.

This is why no one can survive in Norway; the low temperatures freeze you into a literal ICICLE!! #fact #fuckscientists

Wow. Why are you so aggressive and rude?!

And yet my grandmother died of breast cancer but my GP was fine to prescribe HRT. It’s the lack of consistency that's so frustrating

I'm neither. What are you taking about?

46, today I feel light headed and feel like I was due a period over the last few days, I had pms and cramps, but nothing is happening, except wind (lovely). I don't think there is a lining to shed. I have been missing periods for 2 years, went 5 months without one last summer.

I do have:
Dry skin - seemed to completely dry up 3 months ago, make up looks crazy on me, foundation highlights the dry patches.
-chin hairs, black and white.

• neck hairs
• spare tyre

-grey, thinning hair on head.

Wonderful.

I find chatgbt is helpful for every day 1uestions and even the META GenAI chat bot is actually quite good for general info.

Ask it a question, it gives an unemotive response.

Yes there is a lack of consistency.

Don’t be deliberately obtuse 🙄

"I wonder if the "you can't move for people talking about the menopause" posters are younger, because 30 years ago, pre-internet and pre hundreds of satellite TV channels and pre-mumsnet, there was no discussion."

No, we're talking about NOW. The info is everywhere now.

Having said that. It's not true that there were NO discussions 30 years ago. People did mention the change and it was shown on TV, often the storyline of a woman thinking she was pregnant when she was actually going through the change, or the other way around. I remember Blanche in Golden Girls dealing with her ageing body as a person who'd always been proud of her beauty and very into men.
It's true that 30 years ago it wasn't discussed as openly and the main symptom we knew about was hot flushes. My mum did tell me that her own mum and her friends walked around with a bag full of things to deal with their symptoms. This would have been in the 60s.

Your point about GPs not being educated about this is extremely valid and seems to come up again and again on this thread. It's sad that people see the solution as going private rather than campaigning for better GP care for all.

I'm lucky to live in a country with direct access to gynaecologists, but there were traditionally even some gynaecologists who didn't know much about menopause.

I think most GPs get as much training in the menopause as they do nutrition - well, probably considerably less. Maybe an hour, or an afternoon?!

Yes, so maybe you've always had quite balanced hormones or you're not that sensitive to hormonal changes.
I had bad pmt in my youth then it got much better. Now, it's bad again, which is apparently a common symptom of peri. It's important to know because there are times in the month when I want to ditch both my boyfriend and my job.

My advice would be to go back on HRT. It took me ages to get the right dose and to feel better. Luckily the GP I have is the surgery's menopause specialist.

If that. It's a bit like education about breastfeeding for your average GP - you get one in a hundred who is really interested and does additional CPD courses and reads, or sets up a breastfeeding group. But if you see one of the other 99 out of 100 with breastfeeding issues they have no clue and will just tell you to switch to formula. Charities take up the slack.

I do agree that it is sad that people have to pay privately rather than campaign about better provision but seriously, where do you start? I asked my GP whether they ran a menopause clinic, given that they have an asthma clinic, diabetes clinic, continence clinic, travel vax clinic and antenatal clinics. She just stared at me as if I had two heads and said of course they didn't.