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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To give her this stuff for free

140 replies

Capnbagn · 26/04/2025 17:17

DH and I are in the middle of a debate about this. A young mum recently moved to our area, I won’t go into the details of her situation but she is widowed, been forced to move up here because of danger and has 4 children under 5. I met her through the church playgroup I take my grandchildren to, but I used to be a social worker so I feel a lot of empathy for her situation. She is from this area originally but has no family left here and she seems very stranded if I’m honest.

DH and I are down sizing, so a lot of furniture and stuff has to go. This woman has been in temporary accommodation and just offered a council house, she has nothing to even start furnishing it but obviously the homelessness team and her health visitor are directing her towards resources for things like white goods. Anyway the things I know for sure we don’t need in our new home are
-Dining Table & Chairs (good condition but nothing fancy just from ikea)
-2 Ikea extendable beds (bought for the grandchildren hardly used)
-2 Wardrobes, Chest of Drawers, 2 bedside tables and a dressing table from our room, they are only a little over a year old but the new house has built ins and I want something different anyway. They were just from Argos so again nothing fancy!
-Table and Chairs for the garden, it’s a sturdy metal set we bought a few years ago, needs repainted but otherwise in good condition
-Play Kitchen, our youngest grandchildren are now 4 and due to start school so won’t be around as much to use it, nowhere for it in the new house anyway.

I want to offer her this stuff for free, we don’t need the money, selling it on marketplace seems like a ballache and all she would need to do is pay for a van to pick it all up.

One of my friends has also offered 2 large chest of drawers and 2 further wardrobes, a sofa and an arm chair (basically brand new but they are white and she is too scared her grandkids will destroy them!) and a bunk bed. She said she’d want some money for all this but would be happy with £300 or so, which the woman has accepted and is over the moon with. I know she’s still stressed about getting the rest she needs though.

Obviously she doesn’t have to accept anything I offer her but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.

DH thinks I’m crazy and if I want to offer I should ask for some money in return even if it’s just £150/200 as it’s a lot of stuff, all in amazing condition.

Im more inclined to think that the £200 would do very little for us in our situation but potentially a lot for this mum, therefore I don’t feel right asking for that.

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

OP posts:
Khayker · 28/04/2025 01:14

MeganM3 · 27/04/2025 19:02

Very difficult to sell furniture. You probably wouldn’t get much for it anyway, I think your DH is being unrealistic with the £200.
Really nice of you to offer her the furniture and you can feel good for doing a lovely thing.

Very true, I couldn't get anything for my mum's stuff after she died.

Burntt · 28/04/2025 04:05

You absolutely should give it for free. If you can afford it and she needs it it just makes sense.

Rednotdead · 28/04/2025 09:49

It’s a kind, charitable thing to do, well done you.

zingally · 28/04/2025 10:34

It sounds like a lovely kind thing to do.

When we recently moved to a larger place, we needed more furniture to fill it, but couldn't really afford new (have you seen how much a decent dining table and chairs is?!). We went to the British Heart Foundation furniture shop and got a new tv stand, sideboard and dining table. Think it was about £300 all-in. And we were bloody grateful.

Thank you for doing a nice thing OP.

Hmm1234 · 28/04/2025 10:39

It’s a great thing to offer/ do. I was in a similar situation had lots of baby stuff in the garage wanted to donate them lots of charities wouldn’t take them for H&S reasons and I approached the local church but they said they didn’t know anyone in mind to give the things to

Packcold · 28/04/2025 10:42

I'd give it on the basis that she's doing me a favour by taking things that would otherwise be a hassle to get rid of. TBH that would apply whatever her situation was.

Shetlands · 28/04/2025 10:46

I think it's a lovely gesture and in your situation, I'd let her have it for free.

As half of it belongs to your husband, who wants payment for it, I'd pay him his share out of my own account so he couldn't whine about it.

Mackerelfillets · 28/04/2025 11:00

I would give her your stuff for free but not 'buy' the other woman's items for her.

Goodtogossip · 28/04/2025 14:00

I would ask her if she'd like it then if she asks how much you'd take for it say 'make me an offer' then decide if you want to accept her offer or say what you'd accept if you're happy with less. If you want to give it to her free then it's your choice but it may cause an argument with you & your husband if he's not in agreeance.

BookWorm7 · 28/04/2025 15:06

As someone who left her husband with pretty much nothing due to domestic abuse, I would have loved an offer like this and I think you are amazing for wanting to pass it on to someone who you know needs it and will appreciate it! I was lucky enough to get white goods from my council welfare team but picked up everything else free or second hand on facebook. I'm sure she will appreciate it and as you're downsizing it's not like you are just trying to get rid of old rubbish to buy new things. Please talk to her and offer it.

Duchesscheshire · 28/04/2025 18:56

Throughout my life people.have been very kind to me.when I needed help. I now delight in being able to pay it forward and give things to those who need it. You are doing a good thing helping someone out who needs the help. Xxx

Bumblebeestiltskin · 28/04/2025 18:58

YANBU

That's such a lovely thing to do.

savethatkitty · 28/04/2025 19:08

You sound lovely and kind. She will appreciate it.

DisforDarkChocolate · 28/04/2025 19:10

I'd happily give it away, selling stuff is a nightmare and you may end up paying someone to take it away. Ask me how I know.

RealEagle · 28/04/2025 19:12

I would give it away

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