To give her this stuff for free

[Capnbagn]

DH and I are in the middle of a debate about this. A young mum recently moved to our area, I won’t go into the details of her situation but she is widowed, been forced to move up here because of danger and has 4 children under 5. I met her through the church playgroup I take my grandchildren to, but I used to be a social worker so I feel a lot of empathy for her situation. She is from this area originally but has no family left here and she seems very stranded if I’m honest.

DH and I are down sizing, so a lot of furniture and stuff has to go. This woman has been in temporary accommodation and just offered a council house, she has nothing to even start furnishing it but obviously the homelessness team and her health visitor are directing her towards resources for things like white goods. Anyway the things I know for sure we don’t need in our new home are
-Dining Table & Chairs (good condition but nothing fancy just from ikea)
-2 Ikea extendable beds (bought for the grandchildren hardly used)
-2 Wardrobes, Chest of Drawers, 2 bedside tables and a dressing table from our room, they are only a little over a year old but the new house has built ins and I want something different anyway. They were just from Argos so again nothing fancy!
-Table and Chairs for the garden, it’s a sturdy metal set we bought a few years ago, needs repainted but otherwise in good condition
-Play Kitchen, our youngest grandchildren are now 4 and due to start school so won’t be around as much to use it, nowhere for it in the new house anyway.

I want to offer her this stuff for free, we don’t need the money, selling it on marketplace seems like a ballache and all she would need to do is pay for a van to pick it all up.

One of my friends has also offered 2 large chest of drawers and 2 further wardrobes, a sofa and an arm chair (basically brand new but they are white and she is too scared her grandkids will destroy them!) and a bunk bed. She said she’d want some money for all this but would be happy with £300 or so, which the woman has accepted and is over the moon with. I know she’s still stressed about getting the rest she needs though.

Obviously she doesn’t have to accept anything I offer her but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.

DH thinks I’m crazy and if I want to offer I should ask for some money in return even if it’s just £150/200 as it’s a lot of stuff, all in amazing condition.

Im more inclined to think that the £200 would do very little for us in our situation but potentially a lot for this mum, therefore I don’t feel right asking for that.

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

I would offer to her for free, if your DH wants to sell it then he can do that and deal with selling it.

When we separated we had to get rid of a load of stuff. I was happy to give away anything anyone needed. Ex was very keen to make sure he got money for anything. I did sell a few expensive items and it was hard work.

I have a new clutter free house with what I need. He is paying storage for stuff and has a garage full of furniture he doesn’t need. He will never get around to selling it.

Let it go. For free. Or he can sell it himself.

Ha! I completely agree, if DH wants to sell it, he can have the bother of doing it! What a lovely thing to do, I’m sure she’ll be over the moon.

It's so difficult to get rid of stuff these days I would give it to her, but you don't want her to feel obliged to take them either.

I would say to her 'Look, we are getting rid of all these bits of furniture,,are there any that you would like or would be useful.'

Then she can choose what she needs

Can he explain the part about creating an expectation that you will give her money? It seems a big leap from accepting some unwanted furniture!

I agree with you OP. I would accept money if it was an ordinary sale, but 200 pound is not going yo make you feel great, the free furniture on the other hand will help this lady big time .

So you've got a few bits of cheapo furniture, some garden furniture which needs repainting and a toy you've no space for - she's doing you a favour taking it off your hands!

People give this stuff away for free all the time. Tell your husband that the time and effort he will put into trying to sell it will net way less than minimum wage per hour and the time-wasters will make him wish he'd hired a van and dropped it off, for free, to the woman.

I think it is such a lovely thing to do.

She's doing you a favour, really, because now you don't have to get rid of the stuff, plus someone is really benefiting from it.

We always give away furniture for free, regardless of the recipients circumstances.

They’re doing me a favour taking away stuff I don’t need/want. Hiring a van etc. I can’t be arsed with it.

Maybe suggest if your husband wants money for it he takes charge of listing it all on Facebook and dealing with all the messages and time wasters? Staying home to meet buyers who never turn up. Having people turn up after agreeing a price only to request a much lower price. All for a couple of hundred quid for some Ikea stuff.

That is lovely of you op!

This

Its hardly ever worth it

You don’t want this stuff and getting rid of it and would be a hassle. Tell her that and ask her to choose what she needs. It’s a good deed that helps you both.

Hi op after having a difficult time recently with a couple of friendships someone who lives far away sent me a beautiful large gift. It was such a moving moment and something i needed and this act has shifted things for me if that makes sense for the better. It was the thought and kindness behind it that has mattered so much rather than the value. When I next have the opportunity to make someone feel special and give to them I will take the opportunity. If you can give things you no longer need and this will help someone that is such a lovely thing to do x

This nearly made me cry. What a lovely man. I hope things are better for you now.

I think it’s a lovely thing to do. My mother ended up in a rubbish position through no fault of her own and 30 years later I’m still grateful to her work colleagues who gave her things for free as that furnished my bedroom and made sure I had clothes.

I don’t think it’s silly of you at all, it’s a lively thing to do. I would ask for a nominal amount but use that for the transport costs so that essentially you are giving it to her for free but it won’t feel like charity. She need not know this!

You sound lovely, and your dh actually a bit greedy. Its nowhere near as easy as he might think to sell second hand furniture, particularly larger stuff that needs transporting. I've freecycled anything that I have, because at least then it is not going in the skip. We've actually struggled to get the charity shop to take some stuff that was particularly good because they didn't have space in the warehouse. If you ask for £200 she might feel obliged and you might inadvertently end up with more cash than you would if you'd tried to sell it.

You are right. It’s a kind thing to do. If you don’t need the money , I’d just let her have it.

Trying to sell furniture is just a massive pain in the butt - if you can afford to give it and give someone a hand up that’s what I would do. But I believe I’m sending good energy into the universe

I agree with offering it for free. It's very difficult to sell second hand furniture anyway, unless it's specific in demand items like vintage G plan side boards.

When I moved out from a relationship in very difficult circumstances (essentially had nothing to furnish a house and very limited money) I’d arranged to buy (for very little money) a bed frame. The lady I bought it from asked if I’d like some other bits that she “didn’t have room for any more). She gave me a sofa bed, a table and dining chairs and a more or less new mattress.

I think she’d spotted I was vulnerable. I was so grateful. It made my life a little easier.

As a single mum with 4 kids, won’t she be receiving enough benefits?

Neither Dh or you are wrong, I can see why he wants some money, it’s a lot of stuff.

How about, offer it up. And if she offers to pay, then accept a token amount. You have helped put and she doesn't feel like she's being pitied. However, she might not feel that way and gladly accept.

Lovely thing to do

If DH wants to sell it on marketplace, let him post it and deal with the weirdos, no-shows, chancers, requests for delivery to Timbuktu and endless questions about dimensions that buyers would know if they read the post properly! I'm sure within a week he will be wanting to give it all away for free to your friend!