To give her this stuff for free

[Capnbagn]

DH and I are in the middle of a debate about this. A young mum recently moved to our area, I won’t go into the details of her situation but she is widowed, been forced to move up here because of danger and has 4 children under 5. I met her through the church playgroup I take my grandchildren to, but I used to be a social worker so I feel a lot of empathy for her situation. She is from this area originally but has no family left here and she seems very stranded if I’m honest.

DH and I are down sizing, so a lot of furniture and stuff has to go. This woman has been in temporary accommodation and just offered a council house, she has nothing to even start furnishing it but obviously the homelessness team and her health visitor are directing her towards resources for things like white goods. Anyway the things I know for sure we don’t need in our new home are
-Dining Table & Chairs (good condition but nothing fancy just from ikea)
-2 Ikea extendable beds (bought for the grandchildren hardly used)
-2 Wardrobes, Chest of Drawers, 2 bedside tables and a dressing table from our room, they are only a little over a year old but the new house has built ins and I want something different anyway. They were just from Argos so again nothing fancy!
-Table and Chairs for the garden, it’s a sturdy metal set we bought a few years ago, needs repainted but otherwise in good condition
-Play Kitchen, our youngest grandchildren are now 4 and due to start school so won’t be around as much to use it, nowhere for it in the new house anyway.

I want to offer her this stuff for free, we don’t need the money, selling it on marketplace seems like a ballache and all she would need to do is pay for a van to pick it all up.

One of my friends has also offered 2 large chest of drawers and 2 further wardrobes, a sofa and an arm chair (basically brand new but they are white and she is too scared her grandkids will destroy them!) and a bunk bed. She said she’d want some money for all this but would be happy with £300 or so, which the woman has accepted and is over the moon with. I know she’s still stressed about getting the rest she needs though.

Obviously she doesn’t have to accept anything I offer her but I feel like it would be a nice thing to do.

DH thinks I’m crazy and if I want to offer I should ask for some money in return even if it’s just £150/200 as it’s a lot of stuff, all in amazing condition.

Im more inclined to think that the £200 would do very little for us in our situation but potentially a lot for this mum, therefore I don’t feel right asking for that.

AIBU wanting to give her all this for free? DH thinks it will create an expectation that we will give her money but I really don’t think it will and she is nothing but lovely, never asked for money or anything.

I would 100% give her it, like you said a couple of hundred would make very little difference to your like but would have a huge impact on her life

I have done similar in the past and would be really shocked and disappointed in my DP if he suggested I sell it

free.

I'm with you.
We are further along in life now and it's great to give a helping hand/hand up to others.
I recently put a toddler Bed on freecycle and took it round to a young single mum who was over the moon as her DD was sharing her bed.
I returned with bedsheets/duvet/covers and some toys that our grandma daughter had grown out of.
The knowledge that you have helped and made then feel welcome in the community is worth more than the few quid you could rustle up by flogging them

YANBU. I would do the same. Selling them would be a massive ballache, like you say. I've given lots of stuff away to friends and never had anyone ask for money! If she is paying for a van then she is already having to spend and you won't be out of pocket. I'd leave it at that. Especially as you don't need the money. I agree with your reasoning too. If a couple of hundred quid won't make any difference to you but will be a struggle for her, why do it?

When my parents died we gave all the furniture, TVs and white goods away for free. We had no use for it and my parents would have liked to the idea that they were helping people out who couldn’t afford it.
We also gave lots of our baby stuff, cot, big pram, bedding, clothes to a young woman who had nothing and no support. I think if you can afford it then it’s nice to pass stuff on to those who need it.

I think that would be very generous, OP, and it sounds like the recipient will be very grateful.
There’s quite often posts on our local district fb page asking for donations for people starting out again and people are so terribly kind.

I’ve given stuff in similar situation and she sold it, I felt miffed about that. She didn’t like used things & wanted new, she s actually had the cash!!

While I get what you are saying, I honestly wouldn't have been bothered myself. I rarely seem to be able to sell anything for a decent amount and definitely can't be arsed with the faff.

I once spent sooo may hours washing, ironing, labeling and pricing loads of stuff for a NCT sale. I did at least 2 car journeys with it all. And then I had to return to collect most of it unsold. I priced it fairly I thought (less than their guidelines). But basically I made £40 for at least 2 days work. I think I was most pissed off about ironing stuff - I never iron anything! I thought this would be less faff than selling on Ebay but was just as useless. Since then my thinking has been, if I can give it away, happy days!

I think that’s a lovely thing to do for her

I would do it. We basically gave all our great quality baby stuff away (only used for 1 child) including cot, car seats, 2 prams, toys etc to a women’s shelter.
we also gave loads of furniture away for free to other local families. We were relocating and I didn’t want the hassle of selling.

I find that saying “if you want to offer something make a donation to a [maybe specific] charity” fills this role. I’ve done it myself when I’ve been the recipient of other people’s kindness. It leaves it open to the person knowing what they can afford, and not having to feel obligated. And it feeds into the paying-it-forward mindset, which I think is a lovely way to foster community.

Being altruistic is such a wonderful quality to have. Go for it, it sets an example that hopefully the recipient will pay forward if someone else is in need as well as showing her children that someone cared enough to gift to them.
Well done.

When my father moved into his nursing home, he gave away the entire contents of his flat to some people at our church who were struggling. He didn't need the money and was happy to spread a bit of joy around. Someone once said that it's better to give than to receive - and it's true. He was so happy to have helped those less fortunate than himself and we were all very proud of him.

Yes, do it.

I gave away a perfectly functioning sewing machine to a lady in a women's refuge centre who was trying to start herself up.

I could have sold it, but the money would just have sunk into my bank account.

Whereas this way it got to do something genuinely good woth the money. A no brainer.

It’s nice to be nice.

I would do the same by offering.

Furniture is hard to sell unless it is sought after pieces. Most people have stuff they want gone and would do that for free if only someone would collect it.

She might say no! She’ll need to see it first.

How will you get it to her? it’s the man and van that creates the cost and faff.

@Bourbonbonbon you'd leave your husband if he disagreed on donating furniture?! Sure Jan.

I'd do the same as you @Capnbagn but I do agree that the woman in question might feel more comfortable if she can offer you money, so if she does, I'd accept maybe £150? I also agree with others that you don't get much for furniture these days, even in perfect quality.

Great idea-win win. hugely helpful to her and you know your stuff is going to be really appreciated.

When we had a new kitchen we had a washing machine, fridge freezer and microwave all in great condition but as we were having integrated appliances so we gave ours away, it was difficult to give away for free tbh and in the end we helped a lovely Ukrainian mother and daughter furnish their new rental flat with it. If you don’t need the money OP and it will really help, I would give it them free.
The happiness of the family we helped was priceless tbh.

Its nice to be nice, that lady will never forget your kindness,yes,do the right thing.. cc

Yes, it's fairly standard to give away furniture. It's cheaper than paying to have it collected for recycling. You could offer it to her but be prepared that she might want to choose new stuff herself.

What's the issue? Honestly we have many " giveaway" pages locally where people give stuff away for free. Not much difference apart from the fact you know she needs it.

I agree with you OP, I'd offer it for free it she wanted it and help her move it too. Your DH sounds like he has little empathy for others with nothing. It will be ideal for this lady and DC to have some things.

I think if she's already paying your friend the £300 then that might have her wiped out money wise. I'd offer to time it for pick up the day she rents a van to move the other stuff if you can? Just say we've got some bits you might like too?

I'm with you op, it's a nice thing to do and makes sense for you too.

Gonna suggest you ask her what she would be willing to pay and then give her as long as she needs to pay you (ie maybe never - but it helps her self esteem and keeps your husband off your back)