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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Cornetto3 · 27/04/2025 01:48

he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home

Hahaha haha is he a grown up? Who refuses to cook for himself, does he just not eat when you're not there?

Heard it all now. Best leave him some pot noodles, or does he struggle boiling a kettle?

BoxOfCats · 27/04/2025 02:02

What the actual fuck am I reading. If it's not much extra work then he can do it! But you bloody well know it's ts not, what he's asking you to do is a huge amount of extra work. A few lifts here and there do not compensate for the level of effort he's asking you to do to.

Just tell him you're not doing it, and that's that.

SinnerBoy · 27/04/2025 04:13

I wondered if atlas cooking was some arcane MN phrase, then realised it was "at least...

GiroJim100 · 27/04/2025 04:48

He sounds absolutely pathetic. I really wouldn’t be marrying this manchild.

PeloMom · 27/04/2025 05:46

If he can watch a video on how often to eat and what and comprehend it, he can watch a recipe and follow it. You’re not his cook. And no, him driving you doesn’t make up for these demands.

cookingthebooks · 27/04/2025 05:58

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:25

He does his bit for me. I don’t drive due to my ADHD (I don’t feel it would be safe, too many near misses) and he ferries me about, so he sees this as being equal.

He cooked fine before I moved in. Nothing extravagant but could make flavoured chicken with a rice side, or a bolognaise. Since me, he’s suddenly “forgotten” how to do that.

Edited
Show quote history

Hmm, ok. If you feel you doing this is transactional and equal that’s one thing but do you feel that he pulls his weight in every other area? Does he do equal cleaning/ domestic work. Does he carry half the mental load?

I do batch cook for my DH and I do follow his specific requests, so there’s no judgment here but equally I’m a SAHM and DH is a high earner. He prefers me to manage all our money so I can honestly say I feel very well reimbursed for my efforts and our agreement works well for both of us. I see the lifestyle I provide him as equal to the financial support he provides me. It sounds like you resent doing this for DH so my spidey senses would suggest something isn’t equal in this x

Tropizienne · 27/04/2025 05:58

I can see if you like cooking & he does the driving etc how you’ve got into this divide in roles but accommodating a ridiculously restrictive & inconvenient diet is where you should draw the line OP. Not easy if you ordinarily cook for him but it’s just ridiculous. He can quite easily cook for himself & if he’s so bad at it then he’ll lose some of the weight he wants to lose so a win!

Scarydinosaurs · 27/04/2025 06:00

He has to start cooking for himself. Split the chores another way. Fuck. This.

orangegato · 27/04/2025 06:14

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:25

He does his bit for me. I don’t drive due to my ADHD (I don’t feel it would be safe, too many near misses) and he ferries me about, so he sees this as being equal.

He cooked fine before I moved in. Nothing extravagant but could make flavoured chicken with a rice side, or a bolognaise. Since me, he’s suddenly “forgotten” how to do that.

Edited
Show quote history

Not the point of the thread but this was me!!!! Ferried about by my OH because I have undiagnosed ADHD and was a liability.

Turns out I can drive now with an automatic. Near misses reduce to zero with experience, I was blaming ADHD but once you realise you’re better than you think you CAN do it.

It was because I was ferried about I felt I had to overcompensate and do 100% of everything else. Well fuck that! You don’t have to pander to this man child. I hate men on diets they’re insufferable as always women who have to cater.

Yayforyou · 27/04/2025 06:19

YABU because you pandered to him in the first place. Are you his servant? Leave him to sort his own dietary needs if he’s not eating when and what you do. You can spend the extra time and money learning to drive. It doesn’t sound like he has much respect for you op. Are you sure you want a lifetime of this?

ForestFox44 · 27/04/2025 06:45

Erm no he can cook it himself... if its "not that hard for you" when you have other meals to cook, it will be super easy for him with nothing else to do 🫠

LittleBigHead · 27/04/2025 07:03

I was ready to say YABU as it's important for couples to support each other in eating well, but he lost any of my sympathy when tou wrote that he doesn't cook.

He needs to learn and you need to stop cooking for him.

But your kvetching about what & when he eats is unreasonable. He's eating to a pattern which is well-known to reset the body & the insulin resistance etc. So hes making a healthy choice for him. But he needs to cook.

I can't believe there are still men who TELL their partners what they should & shouldn't do. Why do you put up with it?

BlueFlowers5 · 27/04/2025 18:19

He needs to cook for himself. The activity would cost him a few calories.

GiveDogBone · 27/04/2025 18:20

If he had celiac disease, or something similar that would be different. But a fad diet he got off the internet, he needs to own that.

oldmoaner · 27/04/2025 18:35

Personally I'd put a chicken or some type of meat in oven when I'm cooking what I want. Tell him to do his own veg and carve his own meat, as and when he wants it. He can slice meat and put it in containers with veg in fridge or freezer. If he turns out say you must be eating too much then, so you cook any more you need,

OrangeAndPistachio · 27/04/2025 18:37

I don't think the op is returning. She's too busy meal prepping for the week for her man.

littlemisspigg · 27/04/2025 18:52

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

Erm.....reevaluate the wedding plans

He's showing you who he really is- believe him.

Evaka · 27/04/2025 18:55

Beg pardon? Why are you marrying this neanderthal?

FluffyRabbitGal · 27/04/2025 19:02

If it’s “not that difficult”, he should have no problems sorting himself out. He’s very welcome to follow any diet he wishes, but is wholly unreasonable to expect somebody else to do all of the work for it, especially as it’s such a big inconvenience to you.
If it were me, I would politely remind him that I wasn’t his mother and that I was happy he had a goal, but if he didn’t want what I was preparing, he would have to take ownership of preparing that himself. I wouldn’t entertain cooking 2 meals every day.

glowfrog · 27/04/2025 19:11

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:30

He doesn’t see how bloody bizarre it all is. We were babysitting the other day for a young baby and we were going through at the feeding timetable the mum had given us. He made a comment saying “It’s similar to what you do with me!” And had a good laugh about it, at my expense. It pissed me off

Edited

So he didn’t realise that in this scenario, he’s… the baby?

BooBooDoodle · 27/04/2025 19:18

He sounds like he’ll be benefitting loads from the marriage. I wouldn’t be making him anything. He’s a grown ass man who I’m sure can sort himself out and you need to tell him this. Red flag to me, he’ll be far worse once you’re married.

RecklessGoddess · 27/04/2025 19:29

I'm sorry, but he's a grown arse man and is perfectly capable of getting and cooking his own meals, since he's the one choosing to go on a weird diet. I definitely don't think you're being unreasonable, at all!!!

Wtafdidido · 27/04/2025 19:52

Tell him to get to frig. If he can’t fit in he can sort himself out or spend his Sunday prepping his meals for the week. Your not his mother or his maid and best he realises that now before any wedding takes place. If he refuses to cook he can bloody loose weight by starving !

Lorlorlorikeet · 27/04/2025 20:01

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:30

He doesn’t see how bloody bizarre it all is. We were babysitting the other day for a young baby and we were going through at the feeding timetable the mum had given us. He made a comment saying “It’s similar to what you do with me!” And had a good laugh about it, at my expense. It pissed me off

Edited

I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

Why the fuck are you marrying this utter douche?

He makes you cook for him and spend your weekends meal prepping for him, because he ‘refuses’?

Seriously, what the fuck?

NIClaire · 27/04/2025 20:06

You're not unreasonable. Him expecting you to cook all his meals is only the start. You will soon be doing every household chore, and he will tell you to be grateful as he drives you around.

He doesn't even sound grateful that you cook for him. Demanding this and that. If someone was cooking for me I'd be happy with what I was given and express my appreciation. Even when I visiting someone and they have cooked, I always tell them thank you. It's very simple manners. If someone is cooking absolutely all your meals for you, you should be making it as easy as possible for them. Together with doing the washing up after. You cook, he washes.

Why are you marrying someone who already does not appreciate you and takes you for granted? Makes jokes about how much you cook for him? He sounds like a man child.