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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Diddlyumptious · 27/04/2025 20:09

Please seriously think about marrying him, he's being unreadable and this could be the start of other things he wants that you don't. Good luck

catlover123456789 · 27/04/2025 20:18

What have I just read? He can make his own meals or eat what you're cooking. I bet he doesn't even do the washing up does he.

Jumpers4goalposts · 27/04/2025 20:28

I don’t understand why he doesn’t cook for himself?

Plmnki · 27/04/2025 20:40

Thank god he’s started with this absolute nonsense now rather than after you’re married. Do not marry this entitled toddler. Ugh. Get rid.

WhatAwonderdulLife · 27/04/2025 20:45

He has made you into a free cook and as others said, it will become worse post marriage and even more worse once/if you have children. Spoken from experience, set boundaries before you marry him and see how he reacts. It will tell you everything you need to know.

Comtesse · 27/04/2025 20:50

OP you are under reacting. This is a massive imposition, it’s not funny at all, and the root cause is misogyny. Do NOT entertain this self indulgent nonsense.

anon666 · 27/04/2025 20:51

Ermagerd, he has specified a diet, to be eaten at times you're at work, and he expects you to MAKE it in advance for him on a Sunday.

"Hit the road, Jack, and don't you come back no more"

I've never heard anything this unreasonable. This is what terrifies me about this whole trad wife thing. 🤯 I see women obsessing about theor dh packed lunch. But these women DON'T WORK!!!

You do.

Cadenza12 · 27/04/2025 20:58

He can if course cook, he just finds it preferable if you do it for him. Just say no.

EmeraldShamrock000 · 27/04/2025 21:02

The cheeky sod.
Surely he can throw a stir-fry together.
Lazy bones.

JJWT · 27/04/2025 21:29

Voted you are being unreasonable and this is because you put up with the notion that he "won't/doesn't cook" and allow this to turn you into a sort of domestic servant. Cooking on Sunday so he has something ready for his lunch break all week? Sod that. Just don't do it. Would he starve, or make a sandwich? It sounds like you are being a doormat.

AFrankExchangeofViews · 27/04/2025 21:32

How often does he drive you about? Twice a day like making a meal? Does he need to prep for this, go to the shops bring it home and put it away, plan it as well as cook it? Of course not. Dont settle for someone who thinks your time is not as valuable as his. That only leads to misery.

Pawse · 27/04/2025 21:37

CremeEggThief · 26/04/2025 14:25

Why are you marrying someone who "refuses to cook himself"??

This! Are you planning to have kids with him? Do you think having kids will magically change him?

S0j0urn4r · 27/04/2025 21:41

So he actually compared what he expects you to do for him to what a mum does for her baby?
And it didn't give you the raving Ick?
Taxi!

beautifuldaytosavelives · 27/04/2025 22:40

You would be mad to marry this man. You do not have to spend your Sunday batch cooking, and it’s a gateway into a life of enabling his weaponised incompetence and you will wake up in 10/20/30 years and be unable to believe your younger self accepted it.

Laurmolonlabe · 27/04/2025 22:41

"His dietary requirements"- they are not requirements- this is wat he wants, wanting is no crime but why should your life be turned upside down by it?
Fad diets are a pain and there are thousands to try-so you don't want this slippery slope.
he has lots of requirements- which he needs to meet himself, he can cook, so why is he forcing you to do it? I hate to say it but it doesn't seem to bode well for your life together.
The only way I'd be doing 4 smaller meals at specific times is one meal on 4 microwave plates which he can ding himself when he wants to.
If it's not difficult for you to throw some meat and veg in the oven, it's not difficult for him either.
He sounds like a narcissistic misogynist-sorry but he does, it's all about him and all the work has to be you- think VERY carefully before marrying him.

Trishyb10 · 27/04/2025 22:44

You enjoy cooking but wont adapt meals to help him, you sound utterly selfish to me

AFrankExchangeofViews · 27/04/2025 23:28

Trishyb10 · 27/04/2025 22:44

You enjoy cooking but wont adapt meals to help him, you sound utterly selfish to me

Care to explain why the person who is refusing to cook at all, and then has the entitlement to make special food demands, is not the selfish one?

Miaminmoo · 27/04/2025 23:32

Well if it’s ‘not that difficult’ he can do it himself then. My husband cannot and will not cook BUT I would not be making him special food - I do make things I know he likes as he isn’t the most adventurous but if he started all this shit he’d be on his own. I think he’s lucky I do all the cooking without a fuss considering I work the same hours he does - expecting me to meal prep and do a separate meal every night would be a shade too far I’m afraid.

Nominative · 27/04/2025 23:49

Trishyb10 · 27/04/2025 22:44

You enjoy cooking but wont adapt meals to help him, you sound utterly selfish to me

Why should a grown man need help with this? And why should OP be the one to give it to him, given that he has made a specific choice only to eat at a time when he knows OP isn't available? It's not like she realistically has any more time than he does.

BeNiceWhenItsFinished · 27/04/2025 23:58

There's making a rod for your own back and then there's this:

'he refuses to cook'

Who does he think you are - his servant? Because at the moment, that is exactly what you are. Why in the name of all that is holy would you want to saddle yourself with a man like this? You would have to be an absolute bloody fool to marry him.

Eenameenadeeka · 28/04/2025 00:54

I think he's being rediculous about it. I do think it's okay to have certain things that we do to support our partner, if it's each giving to the other -so he does all the driving (assuming you mean he will also drive you to drop you places/pick you up, for your benefit and not because he's going himself? And if that's the case and you are happy to do the majority of cooking then that might be what works for your relationship. But I think he's being a bit over the top if he is wanting very specific things cooked multiple times a day. So if he only wants to eat meat and veg, and you can cook a lot and have it in the fridge, and he can get portions through the day, that's not so bad, but expecting you to cook him meat 4x a day, when you aren't cooking for yourself, is too much.

laraitopbanana · 28/04/2025 06:49

So you do all the cooking???? Like…he doesn’t touch it?

of course you against it lol. It is a pain and to do every day is like wow. The fact that he asks that before the wedding to settle it is really unattractive too…

« No, I will not be able to do that » is a perfectly good answer for a married woman, let alone an engaged one.

BusyMum47 · 28/04/2025 06:56

@SmithyCakeJun

Ugh. Pathetic. That would give me the serious ick.

Dogsbreath7 · 28/04/2025 07:45

So you work and are then expected to cook him a meal. Time to tell him to jog on. He eats what you cook or he cooks himself.

YABU for enabling this behaviour. 2025 and we still have husbands expecting women to be housewives - and work.

Mackerelfillets · 28/04/2025 09:48

My husband likes to eat very healthy food, always spicy, always a one pan mix up......always made by himself. Absolutely no way I'd be doing it and he absolutely wouldn't expect me to.
This is def a receipt for disaster. Knob behaviour.