To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

[SmithyCakeJun]

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

I wouldn’t be in a relationship with someone as unreasonable as him. He sounds self absorbed and sexist.

Fuck that noise.

He wants special meals, he makes them. Period.

Do you really want to be the wife appliance?

This man has shown you he will do as little as possible and load you up with what he doesn't want to do.

I honestly can't understand why you're planning to marry someone who insists that they can't even feed themselves. Surely needing you to prepare his meals like he's a toddler is a turn off?

So why do you do it? Why allow yourself to be treated as lesser?

No way! Why should you cook all that? It’s down to him. Damn cheek.

How much house work and general admin does he do?

id be tempted to tell him, no, you’re not a household appliance, he will have to cook his own (bizarre) food. Is it a deal-breaker?

can you imagine having dc with him?

Red flag #1 is that he did or does MMA.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules

No you didn't.
If he wanted to make himself ill by following such a bizarre diet, then it was up to him to facilitate that.
Any request like that would have been laughed at by me.

Not that my dh would be daft enough to suggest it.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it.

So, if it's not difficult, why isn't he doing it ?

Your partner sounds like picky toddler...

There was a thread on here recently about a woman who didn’t want to cook separately for a fussy husband. It went so much deeper, he was abusive to her and her kids.
The whole house revolved around him.
I think she has now left him.
Either put your foot down now or don’t marry him , you’re not his servant.

He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

YABU!
Borderline overweight is not good at all, it's a shame we are being made to think it's normal instead of pressured to take reasonable measures asap.
So you are BU to dismiss this.

BUT

you are not his mum or his servant. He's beyond ridiculous to expect you to feed him. He can make his own food.

Preparing a few meals for both of you that he eats at his own time is normal. Being expected to prepare different meals for him is pathetic.

why? you prefer a cyclist?

@SmithyCakeJun However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm.

It's not a "weird diet." The concept is intermittent fasting, and there is an increasing body of evidence to support the health benefits of this.

Though I agree he should be doing this himself.

What....you must know that is not equal. I'd losey my shit if my partner attempted to treat me like this.

So why are you doing it?

You’re not his mother. Fuck that shit. I’d say that whilst i understand his wanting to get fitted, that you won’t be pandering any further with dietary nonsense. He can eat what you cook or can sort himself out.

You are focussing on the wrong thing. Bizarre is fine, we all have a few whacky ideas and his diet isn't even very whacky (see the endless threads on "intermittent fasting") Tolerance for each other's oddities is part of marriage.

But selfish is not fine. He has no right to tell you what's "difficult" for you and what's not. You told him that it is difficult for you and he's dismissed you.

Why is the laugh at your expense? Surely you said, "Yes it is just like a baby. Yet you're a grown man who can make his own feed. So you do that."

Heaven’s no!

IME men who do martial arts of any sort tend to be wrong’uns.

Yes you should definitely marry someone who demands you do all the cooking

what a catch

OP, look I think it's really lovely that your boss is prepared to marry you. It's really sweet, not many would consider hooking up with the staff on such a permanent basis.

I think you need to take him gently by the hand and lead him into the kitchen.

This is the cooker

This is the fridge

This is the airfryer, microwave, blender.

And most importantly this is the dishwasher,and this is the spray wipe and j cloth to wipe down the surfaces.

If he “refuses to cook for himself” then let him starve; that’ll reduce his weight pretty quickly if that’s what he’s after 🙄

Why on earth have you allowed this to go on as long as it has?? I don't mean his diet is mean you bending over backwards to accommodate him.
I'm on mounjaro so cannot eat the food my husband cooks all the time.. I would never in a million years demand he cook a separate meal for me. I cook it myself!!
Occasionally he does cook a separate meal for me if he's got time and wants to but it's totally not an expectation. We both work. We take it in turns cooking for the kids but if one of us doesn't want to eat what the other one has cooked for whatever reason or isn't home on time.. then we cook for ourselves. Like adults!!

I literally cannot believe this man expects you to do this and you've just meekly accepted it so far..
Like I read about some manchildren on mumsnet often.. but this one is right up there.. he's right up on the list of prize twats

I’ve been on my fair share of crazy diets, I cook for myself…..

Tell him to sort himself out.

I am married to one, and have many friends in that environment. I teach MA classes myself.

I could not disagree more. What a strange view, never met more supportive people!