To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

[SmithyCakeJun]

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

The homemade mayo demand is the icing on the cake., it's famously tricky.
He can learn to meet his own demanding and specific culinary needs.

He refuses to cook for himself? That will be the tone of of your marriage, right there. He will refuse to pick up after himself, refuse to do any laundry, refuse to change a nappy, if you have a baby and so on.

I would just tell him to get fucked. I don’t think I would even get drawn into a conversation about this.

Just like to say I also do not drive.

Never in a million years would my husband think it's ok to make me do all his cooking because of that. That's truly unhinged.
Yes if you are cooking for yourself anyway then it's nice to also cook extra of what you are cooking for your partner... but if he's demanding specifically cooked meals from you like youre his maid that is utterly disgusting. And asking you to cook at times you wouldn't usually be cooking to suit his schedule in a way that negatively impacts on yours? Its nuts. It's not a hotel he's staying in. But even a hotel would draw the line somewhere and be like "sorry we don't hand make mayonnaise" "sorry the kitchen is closed now"
Where is your anger? I can only think you must have quite low self worth to have been conned into thinking being treated like his staff is ok

I rarely post but there is no way I'd marry this man, it will only get worse especially if you have kids. Fair enough if he wants to follow this diet but he refuses to cook?? No fucking way.

He drives to support your ADHD & it sounds like you enjoyed cooking shared meals for both of you. That doesn't mean you have to cook every & any meal he wants. You're not his private chef! Of course I voted YANBU!

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

@SmithyCakeJun What on earth have I just read? Where is your self respect? You did not have to spend your Sunday meal prepping for his faddy diet.

Tell the useless twat to get his act together and do it himself. You are not his skivvy.

And I wouldn't be marrying him either. Too many red flags.

I think you're being unreasonable having set the precendent so far. Should have said No straight away

DO NOT MARRY THIS TWAT!!!

I am going to go slightly against the grain - but only slightly.

I read your update about your partner driving you around as your don't have a driving license due to your ADHD and that he says it's similar. And it is - but not to the extent he means.

If you want him to drop you off, you have probably made the arrangements with your friends and sorted out the time and place. All he has to do is drive you - the equivalent of you bunging something in the oven while you are cooking your dinner.

What he hasn't done is made the arrangements himself, liaised with your friends etc. You have done all the pre-planning.

So you could put whatever he has shopped for and prepared into the oven some nights, and on others nights he can do the same for you.

If he basically saying that for the rest of his life he expects you to tie your self in knots trying to accommodate whatever food/diet fad he is currently following, then there is one big knot I would recommend you don't tie!

This is an absolute piss take!

I'd be sending him home to Mummy, see if she's mad enough to pander to such bollox.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping....

I have to say, this is rubbish though, OP.

You did not HAVE to do this, you chose to. Under duress, sure, but you could have said no.

If he wants to diet then he needs to sort his food.

What other unreasonable demands is he going to make once you are married?

Absolutely ridiculous that he expects you to cook for him when he isn't even eating with you or the same meals as you. He sounds like a right misogynist (sp?). Please don't marry him. You deserve so much better.

Please don’t marry a man who refuses to cook for himself and expects you to give up your free time to pander to him. He will be a terrible partner and father.

If you marry him, you'll be back in a couple of years complaining how he doesn't pull his weight, doesn't help with the DC, do any housework, etc

He's showing you who he is OP

Believe him

And YANBU. He's being fucking lazy.

Are you sure you want to marry this demanding man-child?

I do all the cooking in my house as although DH can cook he’s not very good at it or confident. The difference is though that DH does all the washing in return, all the gardening because I can’t, poo picking the gardening and most of the dog walking. He also does his share of cleaning so it feels fair and equal. I absolutely wouldn’t be bending over backwards, and honestly I’d have second thoughts about marrying a man who values your contribution and time so lightly.

Stop being a doormat.
Don't marry this man. FFS.

You must be out of your mind marrying him.
Your life is going to be a bitter disappointment and full of regret.

When you’re back in a few years time op, utterly miserable and knackered with doing everything for the kids, please don’t say ‘I had absolutely no idea he would do nothing with the kids.’ You do know.

It’s not the same as him driving you, IMO.

Do not marry this child sorry I mean man !

You want a husband not a child

He wants to eat his "I'm so Special" diet when you're at work, but he's too lazy to prepare it himself. OK, what's your exit strategy?

Yep! You're his mum not his partner! In my house he'd be cooking for himself, or atlas cooking half the week, including my requirements! When kids come along it'll get wasayyyy more difficult