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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
SheilaFentiman · 26/04/2025 14:23

If it’s “not that difficult” for you to do it, then why is it seemingly too difficult for him to do it?

Does he generally take you for granted, OP?

SheilaFentiman · 26/04/2025 14:23

And YANBU, obviously.

MostlyHappyMummy · 26/04/2025 14:23

Sounds like a great guy - I'm sure you'll have a very happy marriage

Snorlaxo · 26/04/2025 14:24

He can’t cook or won’t cook?

Lots of people do diets but they aren’t inconveniencing their spouses like he is.

Menopants · 26/04/2025 14:24

Oh god don’t marry him. If he can read he can cook. Lazy cunt

Original poster
SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:25

SheilaFentiman · 26/04/2025 14:23

If it’s “not that difficult” for you to do it, then why is it seemingly too difficult for him to do it?

Does he generally take you for granted, OP?

He does his bit for me. I don’t drive due to my ADHD (I don’t feel it would be safe, too many near misses) and he ferries me about, so he sees this as being equal.

He cooked fine before I moved in. Nothing extravagant but could make flavoured chicken with a rice side, or a bolognaise. Since me, he’s suddenly “forgotten” how to do that.

OP posts:
CremeEggThief · 26/04/2025 14:25

Why are you marrying someone who "refuses to cook himself"??

WiddlinDiddlin · 26/04/2025 14:25

Either he eats what you're cooking, when you're cooking it, or he works out how to cook for himself.

Absolutely no fucking way would I be pissing about cooking crappy food at horrible times because he's doing some fad diet and he can't possibly cook himself. Time he bloody learned.

Is this the only flaw in an otherwise perfect specimen or is this the tip of the iceberg... I'd think long and hard before marrying this one.

mindutopia · 26/04/2025 14:26

Do not marry this knobhead.

HelloCheekyCat · 26/04/2025 14:27

Fuck. That.
there is no way I’d accommodate that level of fussiness. You don’t ‘have’ to spend Sundays batch cooking because he ‘can’t’ cook.
use your words, say no and just cook what you want to eat when you want to eat it

BIWI · 26/04/2025 14:27

Why on earth are you doing the cooking for him, when it is so greatly inconvenient for you?

Get some self-esteem and tell him to do it himself.

Wobblemonster · 26/04/2025 14:28

He wants it, he makes it.

Threesacrow · 26/04/2025 14:29

Why would you marry someone who will suck all the joy out of life? If he's doing this now, he will continue making unreasonable demands and you will
feel like sh*t for the rest of your life.

SheilaFentiman · 26/04/2025 14:29

If he wants to eat like that but doesn’t want to cook or prep, he can buy packs of pre cooked chicken pieces and bags of pre chopped carrot sticks.

What he wants you to do for him puts a burden on you every single day. Him giving you lifts… well, correct me if I am wrong but I doubt it’s several times a day to somewhere that he wasn’t also going?

HarrietJonesFlydaleNorth · 26/04/2025 14:30

There’s a massive difference between 1: him asking you to bung some chicken in the oven whilst you’re cooking something else, and 2: him expecting you to do all his diet planning, shopping and prep.

I would be happy to do the first, but not the second!

Original poster
SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:30

He doesn’t see how bloody bizarre it all is. We were babysitting the other day for a young baby and we were going through at the feeding timetable the mum had given us. He made a comment saying “It’s similar to what you do with me!” And had a good laugh about it, at my expense. It pissed me off

OP posts:
IWishIWasABaller · 26/04/2025 14:30

Don't marry this idiot come on now where's your spine stop being a doormat

SheilaFentiman · 26/04/2025 14:30

He thinks you are his support human, OP.

DelphiniumBlue · 26/04/2025 14:31

If he really can’t cook, he can still meal plan, shop, and chop the ingredients.
But better still, he could follow a recipe. Homemade garlic mayo must be delicious, he can experiment with making it and see if he thinks it’s worth the effort. Does he understand that it won’t keep for long?
Seriously, I’d tell him that either you share the cooking and everything that goes with it, or you cook for yourselves. If you’re not even married yet, now is the time for laying down ground rules.
If he’s never cooked himself, maybe he doesn’t realise quite how time consuming his request is. He won’t understand it until he does it himself.

MixedBananas · 26/04/2025 14:31

You're not married yet I would reconsider.
If you are unhappy with the arrangment then say what your can do and what is not possible. If he is unhappy then he needs to pull up his big boys socks or go find a maid / cook.
Why would you marry someone knowing all these RED flags that will inevitably get worse after marriage. And with kids???? Oh my no way.

My husband is grateful for what ever I cook which makes me want to go above and beyond he is always s o grateful no matter the meal. Something quick or very elaborate.

RhythmIsADisaster · 26/04/2025 14:31

I’ve said you are being unreasonable. To consider marrying this man.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/04/2025 14:32

Why on earth are you cooking for him. He wants to do it. He cooks.

Toddlerteaplease · 26/04/2025 14:33

I agree with PP’s. Don’t Marry him.

takealettermsjones · 26/04/2025 14:33

Honestly why are you doing any of this? If you said no, what would happen?

What's he doing during the day while you're working 9-5?

SouthLondonMum22 · 26/04/2025 14:33

You didn't have to do anything, you made the choice to do it. Why are you enabling him?

Don't marry a man who refuses to cook.