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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Ramblethroughthebrambles · 26/04/2025 15:39

He's showing you what he thinks a wife's role is, and it's alarming. Please don't just treat this as a conversation about unreasonable cooking 'requests'. Tell him that this has revealed that you have different expectations of partners, his expectations of you are demeaning and disrespectful and you need to sort this out before you get married.

Even if he does enough cleaning, gardening, driving for it to be reasonable for you to do all the cooking, he hasn't had the decency to involve you in choosing a diet plan that you would be happy to cook. It's like he's presenting a changed work schedule to the maid!

HeyThereDelila · 26/04/2025 15:39

Er, what? Why are you cooking for him? You’re not a maid.

If he won’t eat what you eat he needs to cook for himself. If he refuses to cook for himself, he goes without.

Think long and hard before you marry a man who sounds controlling and as though he has an eating disorder.

Pluvia · 26/04/2025 15:41

If it's bad now, what's he going to be like once you have children, OP? A man who really rates you won't behave like this. Time to cancel the wedding and find someone who won't have you slaving in the kitchen for him.

Ineedcoffee2021 · 26/04/2025 15:43

Dont cook for him
Fad diets dont need to be catered to, the one who wants it can cook it

I dont drive either OP and still, no way would my DH expect me to cook a fad diet for him.

asparagusffern · 26/04/2025 15:46

Please take this seriously OP. As others have said I dread to think of the life you have ahead of you if you have children with this man.

He is already assuming you're at his beck and call and to hell with what you want.

Am not a LTB kind but either work this out before you get married, maybe with the help of a counsellor, or call off the wedding.

Think of the life YOU want ahead of you, I doubt it includes pandering to his whims for the next 50 years.

honeylulu · 26/04/2025 15:48

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping

No, you really don't. He's not the boss and you aren't the maid.

He refuses to cook

Well that will help him lose weight then, simples!

And giving you the odd lift in the car in no way balances out you planning, shopping, prepping and cooking every damn meal every damn day. (I have ADHD and take medication when I drive - honestly don't become beholden to him if you can avoid it.)

Don't marry him. He's a selfish man child. He even compared himself to a baby that gets fed on a schedule ffs. Utterly pathetic.

soupyspoon · 26/04/2025 15:49

Well obviously OP you are not unreasonable, you dont really need to ask this do you?

His diet, his choice, fine. He cooks. Not rocket science. Or he hires a personal chef.

Blondeshavemorefun · 26/04/2025 15:51

He wants it. He can prep and cook it

soupyspoon · 26/04/2025 15:53

OrangeAndPistachio · 26/04/2025 14:38

If I were you I'd be relieved that I found out about this side of him before the wedding. I don't think driving and food is comparable at all , you can't drive due to adhd , he is perfectly able to cook.

How many other weird diets will you have to cater to? I would not want to live like this.

Is he difficult in other ways? This might be the tip of the iceberg.

OP should be using public transport, or her own methods though, not relying on someone to ferry her around. ADHD doesnt mean you have to have a personal driver.

Be empowered OP then you tell him to stick it.

BCBird · 26/04/2025 15:53

Must confess I stopped reading when you wrote he won't cook himself. He will go hungry then. If he doesn't eat with you and won't cook for himself it seems to me that his hunger will be the outcome

quintessentially166 · 26/04/2025 15:53

Perhaps during his 90 minute break he can prep and cook his own meals

KnittyNell · 26/04/2025 15:53

Menopants · 26/04/2025 14:24

Oh god don’t marry him. If he can read he can cook. Lazy cunt

Why do you have to call him abhorrent names?
If man calls a woman that name there’s hell to pay!

godmum56 · 26/04/2025 15:54

I was going to ask if the workload is equal which seems to me to be the crux of the matter? You've said he drives you because you won't which is fair enough....so is the workload equal or not? As for the feeding schedule, I would have laughed at that because I would have seen the joke as being on him.

TheignT · 26/04/2025 15:56

I'm sorry but I'd just laugh at him. It is beyond ridiculous never mind unreasonable.

Ponderingwindow · 26/04/2025 15:57

I wouldn’t cook for a man who refused to cook for himself. No division of labor makes up for the unrelenting demands and time constraints of meal preparation.

Even children start learning to prepare themselves simple meals.

Summerseagull · 26/04/2025 15:57

I ticked you are being unreasonable
Because why are you doing it for him
He's not your child your not responsible for him
He won't cook ...fine ,he goes hungry then
Anyone would think it was your child you were talking about ,not a fully grown man

MummaMummaMumma · 26/04/2025 15:57

Why are you doing this?

AhBiscuits · 26/04/2025 15:58

Hell would freeze over before I'd make my partners lunches like I'm his mum.

SonK · 26/04/2025 15:59

He only works 4 days a week - let him do his own meal prepping etc.

Why should you cater to such specific needs of his?

sugarspiceandeverythingnice12 · 26/04/2025 16:01

JFH christ
Do not marry this absolute waste of space

Inertia · 26/04/2025 16:02

This is insane.

He either eats what you're already cooking, or he cooks himself.

Get taxis.

nomas · 26/04/2025 16:06

If he refuses to cook, he’ll also refuse to clean, shop for food, wash clothes, wash dishes.

And if you have kids, he’ll refuse to change nappies, bathe them or put them to bed.

FlyingFolk · 26/04/2025 16:06

Requesting you cook 4 meals a day for him including making homemade mayo and other sauces as well as your own meals! you’re not his personal chef, you’re his partner! I would say if he’s wanting to be so particular with his diet, he should be meal prepping for himself. Doing this isn’t equivalent to him giving you lifts. I’d set boundaries around this quick, otherwise what’s he going to ask you to do next?!

jaytotbad · 26/04/2025 16:08

so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself

So he starves then. That'll solve the weight problem.

Seriously, why are you even entertaining this? It's absolutely ridiculous.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

Fuck that. He can make it himself if he's that bothered.

As for you having to do this in return for him driving you around. How did you manage to get around before you met him? Surely you can do that again.
How did he manage to eat before he met you? He can do that again.

I don't see anything wrong in one person in a marriage taking on the cooking if it's something they enjoy and are interested in, as long as the other person also takes on a significant household task. But I don't see why someone should be expected to do all of the work for some random restrictive diet the non-cooking person has come up with.

I wouldn't be marrying him if this is the way it is going to continue.

Nominative · 26/04/2025 16:09

Just tell him you are not going to cook for him any more if he continues with this fad. He'll either give it up, rediscover how to cook for himself, or call off the engagement. If the latter, it will save you from however long you could bear to tolerate this nonsense before murdering him.

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