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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Brocsacoille · 26/04/2025 14:52

You need to stop cooking for him. Full stop. Today.

By all means cook your own meals, of your choice which he is welcome to join, but if he wants anything in particular he buys it, preps it and cooks it.

Whats the worst the could happen? He is angry because you won’t work as his personal chef? He calls off the wedding (well then you didn’t mean much to him).

Dont set yourself up for a life of being this man’s personal servant.

Whoarethoseguys · 26/04/2025 14:52

If he wants to follow unusual eating habits then he will have to learn to cook
You are not being unreasonable.

Mix56 · 26/04/2025 14:52

Really, Please do not marry this Oaf.
If he wants to do some quack diet, it's his responsibility to organise it.
I would not be buying, organizing & cooking (& messing about with special Mayonnaise which is almost all OIL), its not your remit.
I would not be wasting my week end, & I would thank the Lord that I had discovered this Dick's controlling behavior in time to cancel the wedding

TheTigerWhoCameToBrunch · 26/04/2025 14:53

Maaaaaaaaate

CanYouTurnItDown · 26/04/2025 14:55

This would Absofuckinglutely not be happening in our house. You eat what I make when I make it or you make your own. (For context we’ve been (mostly) happily married for 25 years.

Nip this dynamic in the bud before you get married, it’s not a great start to married life.

DecayedStrumpet · 26/04/2025 14:55

Bloody hell, does he still train MMA? Anyone in our gym confessing to needing that level of assistance for their meal prepping would have the piss mightily ripped out of them😂

BoredZelda · 26/04/2025 14:56

If I were cooking anyway and it really was just chucking some meat and veg on, I’d do it. But I would be cooking to my schedule and anything beyond that is on him.

tinyspiny · 26/04/2025 14:57

This is so simple - if your partner wants a special diet then he can buy it and prepare it , he is an adult and is perfectly capable of doing so he just prefers not to .

Almahart · 26/04/2025 14:57

OMG this is ridiculous.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 26/04/2025 14:58

How has he not put you off marrying him? He sounds awful.

arethereanyleftatall · 26/04/2025 14:59

What has happened to you in your life op that you think it’s a good idea to marry him?

something has gone very wrong somewhere.

I don’t even get it.

it’s not even the division of chores. If you have decided that he spends an equivalent amount of time driving you about just for you as you do cooking just for him, that’s fine, it’s not about that. He doesn’t get to denand what you do with your Sunday, it’s absurd.

WhatWouldTheDoctorDo · 26/04/2025 14:59

Raise your bar OP. This behaviour is not equal to him driving because you don’t feel it is safe for you to drive.

Tell him you won’t be doing it. And listen to how he responds - it’ll tell you everything you need to know.

mummymeister · 26/04/2025 15:04

He has an eating disorder and needs help. if this is what HE wants to do then he can cook for himself and do it himself. but really, I think he needs help.

LadyBracknellsHandbagg · 26/04/2025 15:06

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

You’re being unreasonable if you pander to this nonsense. If he’s feels he needs to be so prescriptive about his diet then he can cook for himself, he’s a grown man for goodness sake.

nomas · 26/04/2025 15:08

Cooking 7 days a week is far pre arduous than the occasional lift!

Tell him no.

And don’t marry him.

CandyCane457 · 26/04/2025 15:09

YABU for putting up with this, and for even asking the question.
If it’s “not that difficult” for you to put some extra meat and veg in the oven, why can’t he do it?
And as for spending all day Sunday prepping his food…I have no words.
He sounds terrible.

WWomble · 26/04/2025 15:10

Run.

He’s unreasonable with his expectations, if he wants to eat to a specific diet he needs to be responsible for his own food.

thestudio · 26/04/2025 15:10

he refuses to cook himself.

Why do you even countenance this?

What would happen if you refused to cook? What would be the difference?

Jesus, things are actually getting worse for women.

spicemaiden · 26/04/2025 15:10

I have a separate duet - I’ve never expected anyone but me to sort it out

bigknitblanket · 26/04/2025 15:12

Yeah, I wouldn’t be marrying someone who refused to cook for themselves full stop.
Admittedly, when DH was working FT and I was PT I did most of the cooking but it was never a case of him “refusing”.
No way would I be spending hours prepping special bloody meals for his diet just because he can’t be arsed to do it for himself.

Delphiniumandlupins · 26/04/2025 15:13

Has he spoken to his GP about his plan to follow a fasting diet? It can be beneficial for some people but not necessarily all.

If you don't want to do all this planning, shopping and cooking then don't do it. The amount of extra work for you sounds unfair.

MyLittleNest · 26/04/2025 15:15

Learned helplessness.

If he could cook before he knew you, he can still cook. Of course it's easier to sit back and have you do it for him!

You are not a short-order cook, and you are not running a restaurant where he can pick off the menu. Per the special diet, he chose it, he can take responsibility for it. As you'll be eating differently, you can prepare your meals and he can do his.

In general, broad strokes here, I'd set some major boundaries sooner than later.

LadyChillT · 26/04/2025 15:15

wtf

Wakemeupbe4yougogo · 26/04/2025 15:17

I'm a very diet restricted low carbing vegetarian which is the only way I can keep my Type 2 diabetes under control. I wouldn't ever expect anyone to meal prep or cook for me! I would stop immediately, he gets what you're cooking or he does his own. You're setting yourself up as a right doormat to his whims.

ObliviousCoalmine · 26/04/2025 15:18

LOL. Why are you marrying him?