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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not cook separate meals for partner’s diet

278 replies

SmithyCakeJun · 26/04/2025 14:19

My partner has always been insecure about his weight. He used to be a semi-pro MMA fighter but now just does it as a hobby and naturally gained some weight when the intensity of his training decreased. He is borderline overweight but nothing awful, and he’s perfectly fit and did Ben Nevis last week perfectly fine. So he’s not critical that he loses weight.

However, we’re getting married shortly and so the concern about his weight increased and he went on a weird diet where he only ate between 12-4pm. This was a pain in the arse as I work Monday-Friday 9-5 and so the times he was eating I wouldn’t be around to cook, and he refuses to cook himself. he works long days 4 days a week but gets a 90 minute break at lunchtime so comes home.

Due to his eating time requirements, I had to spend the best part of my Sunday’s meal prepping and had a load of rules. It had to be a variety of meals but no cream, only certain types of carbs etc. Bloody nightmare. He’d request chimichurri sauce, garlic mayo etc (which he also wants me to make as apparently supermarket mayo causes insulin resistance)

He’s now announced that he wants to continue the dieting after the wedding and has a goal weight. He wants to eat only meat and veg until he reaches the goal weight but wants it in 4 smaller sized meals a day at very specific times. He got this from some random instagram video which I don’t think he’s bothered to fact check. My own weight is perfectly healthy as I portion my food for my needs, and this means that I don’t need to limit my food and love making pasta, homemade pizza, curries etc. cooking is a hobby for me and I enjoy it, so I want to continue cooking the food I like. I don’t want to join him on his diet.

He has said that it’s not that difficult for me to throw some meat and veg in the oven for him whilst I’m preparing a different meal for myself, and he doesn’t understand why I’m so against it. For me, the problem is the whole extra level of life admin that goes along. Altering the food shop, meal prepping, ensuring I’m available at certain times to ensure he can eat when he “needs to”. Etc etc.

AIBU?

OP posts:
LuvACustardCream · 26/04/2025 15:19

You're not his mum. He is not a child. Do you really want to marry him?

allthemiddlechildrenoftheworld · 26/04/2025 15:20

@SmithyCakeJun what idiot cooked all his crap for him before you met him??

SnoozingFox · 26/04/2025 15:21

he refuses to cook himself.

This is what needs to change. If he wants a faddy diet or to eat and weird times, then he gets his finger out and does it himself.

You are an absolute mug for giving up a weekend to make packed lunches for him, as you would for a primary school aged child.

Codlingmoths · 26/04/2025 15:23

Hell would freeze over before I married a man who refused to cook, and to think this man also demands you cook a specific diet… he will just have to start cooking again. Good this came up before the wedding op so you have a chance to reset the relationship from spoilt child wants mothering to more partner, because if you don’t you will surely regret marrying him. For what it’s worth my first baby didn’t sleep a lot, I was very tired and dh wasn’t amazing but he came home from work and cooked dinner just about every night for months.

ItWasnaMeGuv · 26/04/2025 15:23

Jeez, tell him to do his own prep. I have done some different low carb diets and always do my own stuff, I'd never expect DH to do it. Honestly, start as you mean to go on with this marriage or you'll spend the rest of your life taking responsibility for his needs all the time.

As a child, I well remember my mum always packed for my dad when we went on holidays. He always blamed her if she "forgot" something Hmm. When I married I made sure DH continued to do his own packing for holidays Grin.

UnctuousUnicorns · 26/04/2025 15:23

Don't marry this man. You'll live to regret it. I married a man who'd been cooking and looking after for himself for years, and whose mother was a bit of a slob didn't expect a house to look pristine, and was happy to share the load. We're still happily married three kids and nearly 27 years later.

Take heed.

MrsCravensworth · 26/04/2025 15:25

Sorry, you lost me at “refuses to cook for himself”.

My almost blind, 85 year old father with severe arthritis in his hands was still cooking proper meals for himself and refused any help.

What a fucking joke.

NewDogOwner · 26/04/2025 15:26

Don't marry him.

Grammarnut · 26/04/2025 15:26

Tell him to join Slimming World and he can batch cook his own food on Sundays. Slimming World will work if he keeps to the plan. If he refuses to cook, he doesn't eat, which will help his diet no-end, anyway!😁

HeyCooper · 26/04/2025 15:26

if it’s not that hard he can cook for himself and you can cook for yourself

Miaowzabella · 26/04/2025 15:28

Maybe put off the wedding until he has reached his desired weight and taken refresher lessons in basic cookery.

Irishpoppy · 26/04/2025 15:29

You are not his parent OP.

Doggymummar · 26/04/2025 15:29

Omg, 😱 the entitlement. I went keto about a decade ago and haven't cooked for my oh since then, apart from a roast and steak once in a blue moon. He cooks for himself or gets a takeaway.

Snorlaxo · 26/04/2025 15:29

Are you planning children with him ? I hope not because you are not going to want to or possibly be able to meal prep for this man child.

The fact that he made the joke about you feeding him at fixed times is also bizarre. Nothing less sexy than a man who happily treats his partner as his mum.

I live with my young adult son who has tried various diets but he gives me a list of ingredients and cooks it himself because it’s my job as a parent to make sure he’s a functional adult. He now understands why I complained about having to decide what to cook each night.

AgnesX · 26/04/2025 15:31

Wobblemonster · 26/04/2025 14:28

He wants it, he makes it.

Yep, it's as easy and as simple as that. Especially if your own meals are perfectly healthy.

Grammarnut · 26/04/2025 15:31

@SmithyCakeJun There's a thread somewhere on a DH giving up alcohol and I posted about my ex's unilateral decision to be vegetarian (but with eggs and cheese!). I got a lot of stick for objecting to his choosing what to put in his body, and that it only meant a few extra bits in the shopping. It doesn't. If your DP wants a special diet and set times of day it is up to him to provide it if it's not to your taste. If he won't I understand not eating for a while certainly reduces your weight. And I'd be reviewing marrying this person - if he feels this entitled to use your time without consulting you on the matter or listening to your pov it's going to cause trouble in the future. Sorry.

MrsCravensworth · 26/04/2025 15:32

Snorlaxo · 26/04/2025 15:29

Are you planning children with him ? I hope not because you are not going to want to or possibly be able to meal prep for this man child.

The fact that he made the joke about you feeding him at fixed times is also bizarre. Nothing less sexy than a man who happily treats his partner as his mum.

I live with my young adult son who has tried various diets but he gives me a list of ingredients and cooks it himself because it’s my job as a parent to make sure he’s a functional adult. He now understands why I complained about having to decide what to cook each night.

Yep, IME, men who “refuses to cook” are often the sort who will refuse to change nappies, share night feeds, or even look after the baby for ten minutes while you have a shower.

LouOver · 26/04/2025 15:32

This has massive red flags all over it. Good lord OP drop the soap and see what happens.

Think when you have children - night feeding bathing, house cleaning.

Calamitousness · 26/04/2025 15:33

Please reconsider this relationship. If you marry him with his attitude of “if I do something for you, you need to do something for me” I can guarantee you will have a miserable life. The expectation on you to cook his preferences at his designated times is massively unacceptable. I’m married over 25 years and would never think that was ok if my husband asked that. He’s done marathon diets over the years and he’s cooked and bought the food himself if it’s not fitting with what the family are having. Plus he cooks every week anyway for us all. What will happen if you work late. Will he cook for you? What about if you’ve had a new baby and are exhausted, will
he step up and cook, clean and take turns getting up overnight and alternate long lies etc.
Run for the hills. I wouldn’t marry this dickhead if he was the last man on earth.

Grammarnut · 26/04/2025 15:33

SnoozingFox · 26/04/2025 15:21

he refuses to cook himself.

This is what needs to change. If he wants a faddy diet or to eat and weird times, then he gets his finger out and does it himself.

You are an absolute mug for giving up a weekend to make packed lunches for him, as you would for a primary school aged child.

I wouldn't waste my Sunday to make packed lunches for a primary age child (there are school dinners or you can make your own if that is what you want, here's the stuff) let alone a grown man!

Allmarbleslost · 26/04/2025 15:33

I would never in a million years marry a man who refuses to cook.

tweetypi · 26/04/2025 15:34

CremeEggThief · 26/04/2025 14:25

Why are you marrying someone who "refuses to cook himself"??

Absolutely this!

ArtTheClown · 26/04/2025 15:35

Why have you even been entertaining this bullshit up to this point, and spending your weekends cooking his food like a good little skivvy?

Don't marry him, a life of domestic servitude awaits.

Usernamenope · 26/04/2025 15:36

If you make these meals for him now, he will expect you to do this again when he spots a new fad diet on TikTok or somewhere, and then again with another type of diet a few months later.

Explain to him that you are happy to share the food you are making for yourself (though he should cook for you too) but no way do you have time to make different kinds of meals

JoyousPinkPeer · 26/04/2025 15:39

Are you really sure about getting married to this man who "refuses" to cook? I would see his behaviour as a giant red flag.